Mozart in the Jungle

"Ms. Windsor of the Board Chair cum interim CEO

"of the orchestra has spent over $750,000

on renovations for her private office."

Yeah, yeah, not good.

- They neglect to say that I spent my own money!

- Right, Gloria, and we're really gonna try

and definitely get that in there, you know.

- Oh, really? In a retraction on page 23 of the Metro section?

- I am so sorry, Gloria, about the "New York Post" thing

and the Biben thing

and the whole semi-betrayal thing.

You know what, Craig?

You're gonna have to learn

how to bet on the right horse, okay?

And I want to know who did this.

- God, I don't know how he has so much energy.

- It's just so much easier with a real baby, yes.

Thank you for agreeing.

Oh, are you kidding?

Virgil, Christophe, I am so,

so honored to be the godfather, really, really.

That's why I wanted to bring this in person.

Pavel, what's going on?

Almost done.

- Hey. - Ta-da.

- Hey. - You want to hold him?

Oh, please.

Yes.

Okay, there we go.

Hey.

Maybe you're more tired than you think, sweetie, hm?

No, no, it's, um--

I love the New York Symphony, I do.

It's our home.

I don't want anything bad to happen to it.

Of course not.

No, no, no, no, no, we'll do everything, right?

Everything we need to do to keep the orchestra going.

Look at that.

You know, it's nice that we're talking again.

I kind of missed you, eh, Sharon?

- Yes, it seems like a million years ago

since we were sucking face in the wings of the symphony hall.

- Sucking face, that's just such a horrible way to say it.

I mean, what, am I a fish with no feelings, or what?

Why do you talk to me like that?

Edward's this way.

- So how long have you been working with the Biben?

- The Biben? - Mm.

Longer than I worked for you.

He's an incredible man. - Yeah, incredible.

Incredible at what?

- He's incredible at being incredible.

- Say it again. Say it again into my eyes.

Go on.

- He's incredible at being incredible.

- Where's Mr. Incredible? Where is he?

Where is he?

- Sharon, how hot's it gonna be in Beijing Thursday night?

- High of 79, low of 58 in the evening.

- Am I still on for the Newfoundland meeting?

- Yes, we leave for Tetterboro in 15 minutes.

- It's Teterboro. - Teterboro.

- I've told you that before, right?

Oh, Rodrigo, good.

Grab a harness, and clip in. Patrick'll lift you up.

- You have 14 minutes. You can use his harness.

Give me 15, Sharon?

Ay.

- I hate doing meetings up there.

Yeah, I can tell, yeah.

- Ándale, papi. Ándale. - Okay, oui, oui.

- You with me? - Yes.

- Wow, that's not a great idea, climbing without a harness,

unless you're a master climber, which I happen to be,

but even I'm wearing a harness

'cause my potassium level's low today.

- Well, I'm not a master climber at all.

- Really? - Yes.

- Managed to climb to the top of your profession.

- It's not the top of my profession,

the New York Symphony, okay?

It's not, but it's the thing I love most.

- Really? - Yes.

- You know, you got a funny way of showing that.

You spit in the face of the people who pay for it.

- The people-- I never treated bad the people.

- Oh, right, right, corporations aren't people.

Well, you know what?

People aren't people.

Okay, I don't understand,

but I know that the orchestra is what matters right now most.

So you want me out? I resign.

I resign only if-- - If?

- If you give the orchestra what they want:

a new five-year contract.

- And then you'll resign? - Yes.

You vote for the contract, I quit, no strike.

Wow, okay.

Would you be willing to sign a three-year non-compete clause?

'Cause I don't want you signing up with another orchestra

and making me look bad.

Argh.

Okay, two years and nine months?

Fine.

- Good. - Good.

Yeah, good.

- Yeah, you want to wash my car? - That's too much.

- I'm just messing with you, hermano.

You got yourself a deal. - Yes, Biben, yes.

- Good. - Good.

Yeah, good.

You all right?

What are you doing?

Aah! Whoa!

- Maestro? - I told you to wear a harness!

Damn it. Gunter, on belay. - Maestro?

Ay, Sharon?

No, Sharon, don't move him.

Sharon?

I love you.

- Sharon? - Yes?

- It is so much easier to go up than to come down.

- Yes. Don't move your head.

He's delirious.

How does that sound?

Like a children's lullaby?

But in tune?

- Yes, it's in tune. Relax your head, relax.

That was really nice.

We still have a deal?

- Do you know about-- about curses?

No?

You're it.

- Gloria, I'm so glad you called.

I called to say one thing,

which is what we talked about is no longer on the table.

Gloria, don't be hasty.

This article thing wasn't my idea, I promise you.

- I don't give a damn whose idea it was.

I've given the last 20 years of my life to this orchestra.

You think you musicians are the only people

who live and breathe music?

You're not!

- Listen, listen, let's you and I get together.

We'll have a coffee, and we'll figure this out.

- If I had coffee with you right now,

I just may throw it in your face.

Good-bye.

Now I'm gonna start calling the board members.

Okay.

Fuck this.

This Betty Cragsdale beyotch

sounds like she's not messing around.

No, no fucking kidding.

- I think you could pick up a thing or two from her.

I mean, you know, be ruthless too.

- Yeah, be like, "I will fucking kill you."

- Yeah. - Yeah, right? That was good.

I--fuck it, I'm so nonthreatening in general.

- Well, maybe you should threaten someone,

'cause you're not going to fucking Iowa.

I know.

There's always Andrew Walsh.

- The cello stud? - Yeah.

I could be part of his ensemble.

Holy shit.

- Maybe I could, like, become a soloist.

This could fucking happen.

- But there's only, like, two oboists with solo careers.

It's not like violinists.

It's--it's different. - So you'll be the third one.

You'll just be one of them.

- Sign here, here, and initial here.

Okay, okay.

Signing papers, that's all I've been doing recently, right?

Yeah.

The deal is I sign this,

and you give the orchestra what they want, right?

That's what it says.

- Okay, okay. Okay, it is done.

It is done. Now you. Now you.

Sorry.

- Right there beside my name, yes?

And another one

and the third one with initials, right?

- Oh, Jesus Christ, stop blubbering.

Call an emergency meeting of the board negotiating committee.

Will do.

- Cancel Guangzhou, egg white wild mushroom frittata,

Tabasco, no what?

No Tapatío.

No Tapatío.

Good doing business with you, Rodrigo.

- The same, the Biben, the same, the same.

I feel very happy with this negotiation, yes.

So you deliver your part of the bargain, okay?

If not, the deal is off.

I always deliver.

Ay, Dios, ay.