Misfits

- Are you in love with her? - Whoa! No, shut up, Dad.

- What? - No, I either go as me, or I'm not going at all.

No! Fuck off! Moron.

You can't... you can't deny me for ever, you know.

Well, denied, mate!

It was the lung transplant. I've got the power to fuck powers out of people.

Aah! Oh!

Whoa! Whoa! I need to talk to you!

It's about a jumper!

Morning, Finlay!

Oh, come on!

That's... that's fucking it.

He's fucked off!

He's left me!

Rudy 2's buggered off and left me!

Where's he gone? I don't know. He's been gone a couple of days.

I thought he might come back in the night, but he's not. He's never been out of me this long before.

Are they my trousers? Yeah. Shit. I'm sorry.

I was going to ask if I could borrow some clothes, because I've run out!

What you gonna do?

Fuck, I'm not gonna do nothing.

If he wants go off and do his own thing, that's his decision.

Good riddance. That's what I say. Frigging free at last!

Thank fuck almighty, I'm free at last. Don't...

Stop it.

David Simmonds, right? Now, he was a kid at our school. He had a tail.

It was like a useless flap of skin at the base of his spine.

And one day, he had the bloody tail removed.

And now I know how he feels.

To losing your tail, guys. Let's get in there. But he was part of the gang.

For fuck's sake!

He was Scrappy-Doo to your Scooby.

You're Shaggy. Obviously.

Um... which one am I?

Velma. Velma?

Mm. With the glasses?

Mm. Fuck off.

What if he's killed himself? W-Why the fuck would he have killed himself, Finn?

He didn't mean to.

Satsuma in the mouth. Dog collar on. Bit tighter, bit tighter.

Fuck's sake!

I'll piss off and I'll frigging celebrate by myself, shall I?

Fuck you.

Fuck... you.

Fuck you.

Have a nice evening.

That is a really pale arse.

Eurgh.

What the fuck, guys?

Aah! OK.

Christ sake! Why am I not in bed?

Morning.

Morning! Ah!

This is... this is Rudy 2's fault! I cannot be expected to look after meself!

I've only just worked out them screw-top lids on them aspirin bottles.

OK. How about you just put some pants on first, then we'll talk about it?

Mate, running out of bog roll is one fucking thing.

This is bang out of order.

It makes my blood boil.

I mean, there's a municipal recycling facility two minutes down the road.

It's just scum.

Sick, inhuman scum.

We kill people.

Frequently.

Yeah.

Well, there's honour in killing people.

There's no honour in fly-tipping, is there?

Hey!

Check this guy out.

Is he all right? You all right, mate?

How you doing? Oh, he looks friendly, doesn't he?

How you doing? You all right, mate?

Oh, shit! He's a bit huggy.

Two sugars. Milk and two sugars.

Milk and two sugars! Get the man a cup of tea immediately bef...

Oh, my fucking God.

It's him! It's Rudy 2!

Where have you been? Who's done this to you?

Are we absolutely sure it's him?

Are you fucking kidding me, man? Look!

He's got to be about 80. Maybe even more.

Do you remember what happened to you?

Oh.

It's you. Yeah.

Always liked you.

It's raining. Your hair's so pretty...

when it's wet.

Jesus Christ. The man's a fucking vegetable.

I tell you what's happened here. The storm.

This will be something to do with the storm.

Really? Yeah.

You think so? Mm-hm.

Well, thanks for the heads-up, Miss Marple.

Maybe it's something to do

with that super-power support group he's been going to.

So, what does he need with a support group, anyway?

Talking about your feelings - first sign of weakness.

You should bottle that up inside you till it becomes a solid mass of anger and resentment.

That's what my Uncle Peter did.

Admittedly, he drank himself to death, but that's not the... point.

Hello?

He's hungry.

Gammon and egg,

and fish and...

He wants gammon.

Well, I don't know. Get him some from a vending machine? 'OK, hurry up.'

You need to be the one dealing with this, not me.

Oh...

Guys, this is it. Right.

What's the plan?

The plan is... we go in there

and we ask 'em which one turned Rudy 2 into an old man.

Shit plan. Is it?

If Rudy 2's a regular at this group, they're going to think you're him.

Go undercover, pretend to be him and whoever did it'll be surprised to see you.

They'll give themselves away.

That is genius. Here's what I need, right?

I need a beard. I need some glasses.

I need a pipe. I want a cloak. Get me a staff of some kind.

You need to look like Rudy 2, or they're not gonna think you're him.

This guy, eight GCSEs.

Let's go undercover.

Rudy 2. How you doing?

I would imagine you're... quite surprised to see me, guy.

Not really. Um... you always come on a Tuesday.

Let's just say that old habits... die hard.

OLD... habits.

I'm Finn. Nice to meet you. Hi.

Oh, don't worry about me. I'm just here for the biscuits. She is.

So, what's your power?

Teleke... Milky nipples.

Hm? Milky nipples. Cos every time he tells a lie, he just expresses milk from his nipples.

It's ridiculous. He's very embarrassed about it.

Now, you're going to have to excuse us, cos we do have other people we need to speak to.

Finlay.

What was all that with the fucking milky nipples?

What was the plan, Finn? Can you remember it?

The plan was, we don't tell anyone what our real powers are.

That was nothing to do with the plan.

Was it not?

No! Now, listen to me, dude, seriously.

Someone here knows something about Rudy 2. I suggest we just split up.

Yeah, I think we should just... Fuck off.

Why is there a turtle by the biscuits?

He turns up every week. It's someone with a power.

There's someone inside of there?

Yeah.

His name's Mark.

All right, mate?

You don't have to be embarrassed.

About your, um... Your power.

How about you? What's... What's your power? Me? Oh.

It's, er... it's complicated. I don't really like to talk about it.

It's all right. You don't have to, if you don't want to. The thing is, other people...

make certain assumptions about my...

sexuality, and...

What, they... They think you're gay?

Yeah, yeah. I... I guess they do.

And... a-are you gay?

No!

Now you know.

Fuck off!

You're... You're literally trapped in the closet?

How funny's that?

And also very serious.

Quietly poignant.

Yeah.

Actually, I've got a friend who can take powers.

How does he take powers? How does it work?

I'll let him fill you in on the details.

Ah. You're gonna love him.

His name's Alex. He's on community service. Great.

Miss Marple? The prick.

Hey. Fucking hell!

That's her.

She's old, he's old. I'm going undercover, man.

This is it. OK, wait.

Ooh, er... OK, everyone's here. Let's make a start.

Shit.

Hi, Rudy 2. Yeah. All right, you.

Um... Rudy 2. Last time, you were telling us about Rudy 1.

Was I?

I don't... I... I don't remember.

OK, well, you were telling us you were embarrassed by his behaviour.

You feel betrayed that he hasn't introduced you to your parents.

Just... Let's just let someone else have a turn, shall we, mate?

What about him over there? He looks like he's got issues, don't he?

Y-You were saying that at times you're ashamed of him, that he makes you feel ashamed.

Just fucking move on! For fuck's sake, man!

Ha.

It melted all over the seats.

Sorry? What did?

My dad's car with the leather seats.

We were goin' to t'seaside and chocolate melted all over the seats,

but he wasn't angry.

He just bought me another one.

FUCK! What the fuck are you doing, talking shit about me behind my fucking back?

YOU'RE ashamed? You're fucking ashamed?

You fucking shambles! What the...? Get off him!

Fucking mug. Get off!