Glee

u missed on Glee: The Glee Club started out as underdogs,

singing show tunes in the choir room, and now they're headed to Chicago

to compete for a national championship.

I mean, they made it to Nationals last year in New York,

but they came in 12th. It was sort of a nightmare.

Rachel's nightmare totally came true when she choked

at her NYADA audition, and literally all she's talked

about for three years is New York, Broadway, Streisand, Broadway.

Ugh! And that's what you missed on Glee.

What's going on? How bad is it?

Her temperature's 101 degrees.

Given the fact that Weezy's complaining

about an upset stomach,

it's either Amazonian dengue fever or the H1N1 super virus.

Or I have food poisoning.

We all wanted burritos for lunch, so we went to Chipotle,

but Mercedes tried some dive called "Señora Salsation."

Will, word, please.

With Monique down for the count,

we are entering the Hunger Games of show choir competition

without one of our most powerful voices.

We need to have a plan.

Right. Because New Directions! doesn't win,

that means you go back to being co-captains

of the Cheerios! with Roz Washington.

Your sniping is as expository as it is wrong.

Yes, I have fantasized about handing that prize money

to Principal Figgins so I could buy back my sole control of the Cheerios!,

but my main concern right now is for these kids.

I want this one for them.

I just don't want everything we worked for to collapse

because of one bad burrito.

So here's what's gonna happen: Mercedes, you're on bed rest,

Quinn, you're stepping in. No, no, no, I can't

dance that number. I can't sing it, either, not like...

The Trouble Tones need you.

And you're better than you think you are.

Tina, you, too. You're in the Trouble Tones.

Mr. Shue, this is my last competition.

I don't want to miss it.

Amen, to that, sister. That's why I'm putting you

on a vitamin B-12 drip.

We're flushing your system

with Pedialyte, and I'm gonna

fill that bathtub with ice and see if we can't get

your ambient body temperature back down to normal.

Worked in Jacob's Ladder.

All right, we all have our marching orders.

Let's do it.

Hey.

You okay?

What if we don't win? What's gonna happen with those kids?

It's a competition.

They understand that everybody can't win.

But they never get to win.

School's almost over, forever for most of them.

Can you imagine what what it would be like for them

to have just a couple of days walking the halls as champions?

It's something they would carry around with them

for the rest of their lives.

If you're gonna lead them to the promised land,

you're gonna have to have an attitude adjustment.

But, Will, they're ready.

You made 'em ready for three years.

But what if it wasn't enough?

Will, you better come downstairs.

We got a problem.

Hey, calm down! Hey, hey, calm down! Calm down!

Fight, fight, fight!

Hey, cool out!

He's studying for geography

while we're trying to rehearse! It's bogus!

'Cause I already know the dance!

You dance like you got your feet caught in bear traps.

You're trying to gnaw them off.

Mr. Shue, are you aware that while we're arguing about jazz squares,

Unique is being handed the key to the city by Rahm Emanuel? Really?

And plus my pillow and my blanket fell into the pool. Disaster.

Look, I think everybody is just a little tired.

We've been rehearsing for three straight hours.

Yeah, and we'll rehearse all night if we have to.

We can rest after we've won!

Just because we've lost Mercedes

doesn't mean we can be anything less than perfect. Perfect!

That's easy for you to say.

Okay, you know what? You know what?

Hey! I don't want to hear any of this, "We can't do it without her,"

because guess what? We don't have a choice.

So be warned: if you are not giving this

everything you've got,

I will go all Lima Heights on your sorry asses.

Listen to yourselves.

I know. I'm sorry. I always go

to the yelling place. I have rage.

No, it's a good thing. A great thing.

There is so much passion in this room

Even all your arguing, it's about the work.

You guys really wanthis.

Okay, so let's take a half-hour break,

and then we'll run it from the top.

Mr. Shue, is it okay if we keep going? We got

the first slot, which is, like, the death slot.

We have to be amazing.

Yeah, "Edge of Glory's" a bitch.

I said I'd be dancing by nationals.

I'll be damned if I don't.

Okay, then let's keep going.

Mike, help the guys out with the choreography.

Artie, help Puck with his geography.

Ladies, "Edge of Glory." Come on.

Brittany, run us through it.

From the chorus? Yeah, from the chorus. Let's do it.

Watch out. We're gonna do it. Okay. Ready?

Five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four, five...

You okay?

...six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four...

Keep up.

Looking for what's left of your dignity?

Nice to see you, too, Jessie.

If I were you, I'd be spending more time fing

on how you're gonna wrap up fourth place

than looking for her.

There's no way in hell Carmen Tibideaux's coming here.

Wait. How do you know about Carmen?

It's my business to know everything

that goes on with my competition.

I'm always looking for that extra edge.

I hate to think you pull the same choke job up there today.

Look, I know exactly what you're doing right now, okay?

We didn't date for that long,

and I don't even know how much of it was actually real,

but when you get nervous, you get mean

and you get really pale, and then you start putting your hands

through your hair like Danny Zuko.

Look, you have no idea the kind of pressure I'm under.

Last year, Vocal Adrenaline only lost for the first time in eight years.

If we lose again this year, that's it. The dynasty is over.

The mystique and aura that we used to intimidate our opponents with will vanish.

I promised them that I would reboot the program. I'll be humiliated.

You did help the program.

What you did with Unique was amazing.

It was a pretty inspired idea of mine.

It was actually Kurt's and Mercedes', but...

But I implemented it.

I don't know. I just think these new rules are

messing with my head; 33%

of the numbers have to be vintage? What does that even mean?

The only thing vintage about me is my Tyrone Powers haircut and my pager.

Are you forgetting who you are, Jesse, okay?

Your Bohemian Rhapsody was, like, the benchmark performance

of every show choir competition in the past ten years.

Most people don't realize

I lost ten pounds during that performance.

You guys are gonna do great today.

Even though we're definitely gonna beat you.

Oh, cocky all of a sudden.

I like it.

Hey, everything okay?

Yeah, everything's good. I'm gonna go get ready.

It was very good to see you. You, too.

Hi.

Heard you two are getting married.

Yeah.

Good for you.

Good luck today.

You, too.

For me? Well, it's for the wedding.

For the Jewish part where you smash the glass. It'ske, the climax

of the wedding, right? Right before we kiss?

Yeah, it's supposed to symbolize the fragility of life

or the destruction of the temple

or something like that. It's very sweet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But whatever. I wanted a piece of this town to be there.

This is the town where everything's gonna change.

We're gonna go from losers to National Champs.

Your optimism if very sexy.

Well, I'm so optimistic, I put my money where my mouth is.

You want to bet me

that your dork club is gonna outdork all the other

dork clubs in the country?

500 bucks.

You're so on.

Wait a minute. That money was supposed

to be for our honeymoon, okay?

It was our money that we saved from babysitting

and the tips you made at the tire shop!

I'm gonna double it. I'm gonna make it a thousand dollars.

That's, like, an extra two nights in Niagara Falls.

What if we lose? Not this time.

Carmen Tibideaux is coming, and we're gonna be perfect.

And then we're gonna get married,

and I'm gonna smash this glass,

and then we're gonna live happily ever after.

I love you.

All right, gather around, everyone!

I just want to say a few words before we go out there.

Hold on, Mr. Shue. Hold on. You've given us

a lot of pep talks over the years, but remember,