Workin' Moms

Well, we can't say no?

How the hell are we supposed to set boundaries?

Seriously. Enough with the rules.

A helium-voiced barista told me

that I was wearing the wrong pant for my body type today.

I wanted to punch her in the throat.

I feel ya.

I... I'm setting a whole new regime. No pants?

Really? We're just taking the pants?

- We're taking the pants off. - That's fine.

- It's solid. - I have a question.

Go ahead, Jenny, and again,

you don't have to raise your hand.

So, my mat leave is up this week,

and I'm not so sure I want to go back to work.

I know some of you are very passionate

about what you do but, I don't really care about my job.

I recommend having an open, and honest discussion

with your partner about it.

Uh-huh.

It sucks, Jenny, but you got to back to work.

No, not true, Kate.

Every mother must make that decision for themselves.

Jenny they're going to think you can't take it,

but you can, all right.

You're not soft. You got it in you.

You pushed a raccoon-sized boy out of you,

and you screamed at a goddamn bear.

Preach.

- No, I have a girl. - What-what bear?

Whatever. You get what I mean.

Kate.

What I'm hearing is that you might not be ready

to go back to work either.

Val, that's literally the opposite of what I'm saying.

That's not it. That's not it.

Good girl.

What did I... god damn it.

Is it here?

Work for NASA to get this thing.

Come on! Bastard.

Effin'.

Get in there.

All right buddy, squeeze one of those ham hocks of yours,

and swing the leg forward.

Or really any direction.

Not feelin' it? I feel you. All right.

Here we go.

Oh yeah.

I love you, buddy,

but Mommy is going to check a little bit of email.

Not because I'm not dedicated to your walking development,

but because it's boring, okay.

Nice.

Killin' it, Ollie, am I right?

What's todo?

A Japanese toilet.

It's a to do list, you asshole.

Oh right. To do. I see it now.

- Mm hmm. - You already went running?

No, somebody decided to fall asleep eight times

while feeding so missed that one.

But I'm gonna take nothin' but the stairs today.

Boom. Check.

Hmm. Why pump like crazy?

Oh, every time I pump, I produce basically nothing,

and he seems to keep rejecting my boob.

So you know, it's a whole thing.

- I'd rather not talk about it. - Maybe it's time for Formula?

Never mind.

Jesus, sounds like a hell of a day.

It is!

I'm glad date night met the cut.

I'm looking forward to it so much.

I'm wearing an underwire bra.

What is this? Spring break?

Oh.

So, I know I've been going back and forth with this,

but, I really don't want to go back to work.

Oh, yeah, honey, we both agreed that it was my turn.

You know, to write my screen play.

Okay look, the vampire genre is not over.

You know why?

Because they've never been this fat before.

Fat vampires. Come on! Yeah!

I wanna be supportive of you, Ian, I do.

It's just that eight months is not that much time.

Soldiers with PTSD are given longer.

Are you comparing yourself to a war... hero?

No, of course not.

Childbirth is way harder.

You love work!

You can bring those sexy work clothes out of retirement.

I'm not gonna lie to ya,

I'm a hundred percent ready to start seeing you

in clothes with zippers again.

Hmm. Okay. I am not like that anymore.

You know, I understand it's tough but...

This will be really good for you.

You used to come home with the craziest stories.

Remember those stories?

I work in IT.

Ah, Kate. Come in.

So, you remember our board, of course?

Of course, good morning. Hi.

Sorry about my appearance, I took the stairs.

Trying to be more productive.

Is using the stairs as opposed to the elevator

the best example of time efficiency?

No, no it is not,

but it's a hell of a way to lose the baby weight.

Okay, shall we begin?

Um, Kate, you're obviously just...

Did you want to sit down?

I do, I do. Thank you.

Obviously you're just back from maternity leave

so we have to treat your review slightly differently from...

Actually, I really feel like the skills

I've developed as a mother, have...

Have helped my productivity.

Kate, the board actually feels

you're one of our strongest people.

And we want to commend you on your excellent

first couple of days back.

Really? Thank you, guys.

You guys.

Yes, your current situation

has actually made you very relatable to our clientele.

So much so in fact,

that we're considering throwing your hat in the ring

to head up Westwood Foods account.

It's a very, very short list of contenders.

Wow, that... That's amazing.

That's the job that works out of Montreal?

Sure is.

You'd be out there for a couple of months of the year.

I told them you might not be interested.

Most of the women who become... mothers,

don't raise their hands as much.

Oh well, not this girl. Hi.

Oh God, sorry.

Sorry about that.

So, I guess you were just about to reassure the board

that you're ready for this promotion.

Yes.

Really, really sorry about this.

Oh God. It's my nanny.

She knows not to call unless something bad has happened.

We need to know that this job would be your top priority.

Yeah no, I just feel like this one time I should...

- Kate, just take the call. - Yes.

We'll expect an answer by end of day.

You got it. And thank you.

Hello? Rebecca? Yes?

Kate, is it okay if Charlie take an nap with my dog?

Um, Rebecca,

you really can't call me unless it's an emergency, okay.

I was just in a meeting.

She's kissing him in the mouth.

Well, that sounds very unsanitary.

Just have him ready for me at noon.

Okay, bye.

Don't.

- Hey! - You asked for it.

Leave my daughter alone, you frothy little bitch.

Hey, what's happening?

She kissed my boyfriend.

He kissed me.

Kissed? Seriously? What are you, six?

What are you, forty?

What the fuck? That's not even old.

- Is there a problem? - Uh, yes there is.

Alice here, was being bullied by that one.

- Oh, not again. - I'm sorry? Again?

Yes, we were planning on talking to you today

at pick up.

Um, it seems Alice has become rather provocative.

- With the boys... in class. - Seriously?

You're slut-shaming my nine-year-old daughter,

for connecting with her peers?

Shame on you.

I'm sorry, are these crackers up for grabs?

I've just got to eat something.

That's a student's lunch, actually.

I don't think you understand.

No, I'm not sure that you understand.

Speaking as a licensed professional

in psychological disorders,

you have no idea the damage that you're doing here.

My daughter, being persecuted for expressing herself,

and then being bullied, as a result?

I assume that you're gonna punish that girl?

Yes, of course.

To my office right now, I'm calling your parents.

Yup, there's consequences for your actions.

Hey, you do you.

Do not let these dicks bring your down, okay?

Here, I'll see you at 3.

Hmm.

_