Asterix: The Mansions of the Gods

Mark my words, senators, those who slip through the lion's claw

will end up poisoned by the serpent's venom.

- What's with all the animals anyway? - It's just a manner of speech, I think.

What?!

Um... uh... it's just that, O Caesar,

what exactly do you mean by the serpent's venom?

- It was the lion's claw part I didn't get. - It's all Greek to me...

The lion's claw, the invincible might of Rome!

Like the talons of the falcon...

A falcon now?

Like the talons of the falcon,

it has closed upon every single continent

except here, in Brittany, where a handful of indomitable Gauls

continue to ridicule Rome and mock its imperial eagle...

Any objections to imperial eagle?

If those barbarians refuse to embrace Rome, so be it,

Rome will embrace them!

- Uh... that was the signal, right? - That was the signal.

Behold the serpent's venom...

Their beloved forest will give way to glorious mansions.

Roman civilization will encroach upon them

until they are forced to adapt or perish...

I have entrusted the construction of our magnificent city to the young architect Anglaigus,

who has already designed a number of buildings,

most of which are still standing.

Well done, Anglaigus! What a marvellous little model.

And, uh... what name do you plan on giving your glorious city?

- Well, uh, at first... - No, it was total crap.

- I just dropped it... - Any suggestions, Senator Prospectus?

Ideally, it should be a name that... evokes Rome.

But that's not exactly Rome.

- Rum? - Rum?

It's close enough, right?

- I suppose so, but it could get confus... - Never mind. What do you think of...

The Mansions of the Gods?

The Mansions of the Gods?

The Mansions of the Gods

I'm not so sure...

Why not? Let's run with that.

Astérix: The Mansions of the Gods

Hi, there!

- This one's all yours, Obélix! - You better believe it's mine!

- I saw it first! - Really?

Yes, really! He's scared of me, not of you!

How do you know? Did you two talk it over?

I always spot boars first, and you know it!

Maybe I put them in your path without you noticing!

What would I do without the great Astérix?

Oh, cut it out!

When it comes to boars, I'm the fastest!

- At eating them, definitely! - It's mine!

- Mine! - Mine! Mine! Mine!...

Mine!

Obélix!

That boar...

has my name on it!

Huh? It's not yours, it's mine!

Uh?

What in Gaul's name is that thing?

Hmm...

Pff!

91, 92, 93, 94, 95...

Not now, not now! 96, 97,

and... 98.

Okay, this is the first tree to cut down!

Oh, for Vesta's sake, get it off me! Down, boy!

I wouldn't mess with the trees, Roman! It makes Idéfix really mad!

Now, now, Idéfix, that's enough!

Get out! You have no business being here!

This construction site is off limits to the public, understand?!

I sure like Romans without armour.

They make a nice sound when they hit the ground.

Hey, will someone get Abraracourix? Tell the chief it's important!

He's in a meeting. Can I take a message?

Go ahead, lads, I'm listening.

- What's going on? - Squabble about fish that's not fresh.

- What do you mean, it's not fresh? - I was answering a question! Go on.

We ran into Romans right here in the forest.

- Sure did! Romans with string. - String? What sort of string?

The sort of string you trip and fall on.

It seems we stumbled upon a Roman construction site.

- Strange. What are the Romans up to? - For now, it's just string.

Sounds harmless. That's settled! Okay, back to the brawl!

Keep an eye on that construction site for me. You never know.

- Ah! Hey! We're trying to talk, here! - Try talking to this!

I will not tolerate barbarians with moustaches getting in the way

- of Caesar's plan! - Don't say I didn't warn you, Architect.

The Gauls don't like us messing with their forest.

Their forest?

Will you please stop fidgeting? Keep still!

Where in Juno's name do they think they are?

They think they're at home. That's the problem.

Oh, yeah? Well, make way for civilization! We are gonna deforest their forest!

Ha! You'll have to de-Gaul it first.

That's the mission Caesar gave you, and I plan to make sure...

Ave, Centurion!

What is it, Givusabonus?

The slaves demand we give them work, they're bored.

This operation is temporarily suspended while we attempt to secure the site!

- Say what? - What part didn't you get?

Not a word.

Yeah, well, never mind.

Now look, the only way to avoid the Gauls is to work nights.

Work nights? Really? Ridiculous.

Yeah, well, so is your bandage.

Centurion, pardon me, but my colleagues and I were wondering...

Should we...

Unbelievable. How many times do I have to tell you to wait for my signal?

And what is the signal again?

"What's the signal again?" For the 30th time,

- it's when I raise my arm. - Absolutely.

- Just do it, for Jupiter's sake! - Shh!

- Just do it, for Jupiter's sake... - I can't until my scouts report back.

Centurion, the soldiers and I think you and the neurotic architect

need to pipe down or you'll wake the Gauls.

Get back to the ranks!

- What do you think you're doing? - You raised your arm.

- I did not! - Yes, you did, which is why, whack!

I gave the order.

Ave, Centurion! Recon reporting!

- Wait, where were you two? - Right here.

Here? How can you recon here?

We didn't want to stray too far because...

- I didn't catch that. - Because of what?

- The Gauls! - The... the Gauls?

Sound the retreat!

Ave, Centurion!

Get your butts back here, you boneheads!

But...

Idéfix? Ooh!

- Again? What's going on this time? - Hmm?

It's the Romans again.

There, Idéfix, everything's back to normal!

Okay, for those of you who have pudding for brains...

Now listen up!

If you think you can knock down one tree per night

and then sit around growing toe fungus...

- Present! - Zip it, Tofungus!

- Move it, don't stand there like mushrooms! - Where's the tree we uprooted last night?

I have some rather bad news, I'm afraid. It's no longer uprooted.

- It's what now? - The tree, it's been replanted.

- You mean figuratively? - No, no, no...

Replanted as in... replanted. Look.

No, this can't be happening!

Is this some sort of sick joke?!

Centurion, the psycho architect is making a racket again!

Silence!

That's it, we're out of here, there's no fighting sorcery.

- Oh no, that tree is coming down. - Again?

Yes, again, and we're taking it back to camp so no one replants it!

Uprooting trees is part of our contract. On that, we agree.

- But their transport... - Now look here! You're slaves!

Just do as you're told and keep your mouths shut!!!

Centurion, you're the one making a racket!

You too, zip it! And you, start pulling!

- Good thing I didn't bring Idéfix. - Oh, druid, what are we going to do?

I may have a little trick up my sleeve.

So that's it? That's your trick?

Those acorns are nuts!

Isn't it amazing, Obélix, how fast those trees grew?

I don't really know. How fast do trees usually grow?

I've got some more, um... not such good news.

I do admit it can seem demoralizing at first glance.

Let's focus on the positive.

Our motivation is intact, and that's what matters.

So far, there's been no talk of giving up, and for that, we can congratulate ourselves.

Chew before you swallow, Obélix!

Why? What for? Hey, there's one last acorn in my pocket!

Obélix, don't! Not in my...

Obélix, you're gonna pull that tree out of the ground this instant!

Nope, sorry, I couldn't do that to Idéfix.

So, if I understand correctly,

not only are the Mansions of the Gods nowhere close to being built...

Now, you tell me the Romans refuse to live there?

We haven't encountered much enthusiasm.

Our fellow citizens are somewhat reluctant to emigrate to Brittany.

That's it! If we could only build the Mansions right outside Rome,

they wouldn't be so far from home.

Find a solution, you incompetent fools, or I'll feed you to the lions in the arena!

Now that would amuse the Roman citizens and it's right here in Rome!

The arena...

- What an excellent idea, O Caesar. - Hmm?

"Ha! Ha! You nasty wretch, I'll tear your guts out!"

"Hercules, help me! Oh, help me, Hercules!"

"Ta-da-da! It is I, Hercules! You'll pay for this, evil Trojan!

I'll squash you like a cockroach!"

Ah, Mischiefus, mind sparing us the bloodshed, the carnage, the massacre?

- He's having fun! Leave him alone! - Fun? It's insanely violent!

Where does he get it from, anyway?

Should we do a double lock, or go for a triple?

Double.

By the way, how's your neck? Still stiff?

A little. I need to avoid sudden movements.

- Ready for the viper slam? - Ready.

- Man, that viper slam is the worst. Ugh! - Well, I guess this is it, buddy.

Be a pal, will ya? Try to make it a nice, clean kill.

Ah, wouldn't you know it, commercial.

Is it too much to ask to get a decent slaying around here?

Yeah, tell me about it.

Romans, citizens,