Axe Cop

Oops, missed one.

You know, the first time I chopped a head off,

I was eight years old.

It was a rabbit.

He'd been breaking all the rabbit rules.

Everyone knows rabbits hop and eat carrots.

But this rabbit walked

And ate coconuts.

So I chopped its head off.

I knew my mom wouldn't understand,

so I hid his head in my favorite lunch box

and tossed it into the water.

That was my first time being a hero.

Good talk.

Now bye.

Hey, life vest on.

You know the rules, kiddo!

Son!? Where do you think you're going?

One day, at the scene of the fire,

the cop found the perfect axe.

That was the day he became Axe Cop!

So he had tryouts and hired a partner.

I will chop your heads off!

Axe Cop - 01x06 The Rabbit Who Broke All the Rules

Oooh chihuahua, Axe Cop,

don't kill the messenger, but I got some bad news.

Our gun bill was through the roof last month. Holy cow.

If we wanna buy more bullets, we're going to have to get second jobs.

Hey, Flute Cop,

what's the kind of dad that gets paid to be a dad?

I think you're talking about a foster dad.

Problem solved, Flute Cop.

I will be your foster dad

and I'll use the money to buy bullets.

Or not. Axe Cop,

as a dad I have to say this, I just have to say it:

raising a child is a huge responsibility.

I know.

That's why I'm going to find him a mom to take care of him.

Oh, Axe Cop! Last year, me and a couple buddies

found out about this place out in the deserts of Las Vegas

where for a small fee, they'll set you up with a girl.

- How much does it cost? - $15.

You two stay here and babysit my foster son.

Grey Diamond and I are going to Las Vegas.

Whoo-hoo!

They have a roller coaster on top of a hotel.

And the second-best brunch is at lucky Lucy's saloon.

It's great, but you gotta get there early

'cause they run out of French toast fast.

This is the place.

Whoa!

Hello, welcome to the perfect match machine and wedding chapel.

Before we get started, we're gonna need you to fill out this form.

I don't fill out forms, Todd.

Gimme that! I love paperwork.

One time me and my buddy filled out like 10 forms at once.

- It was like, what? - Now step into the machine.

It will scan your brain and find your perfect match.

What the heck?

In my 20 years of working here

I've never seen anything like this.

You are the ultimate man.

Tell me something I don't know, Todd.

There is literally not a single woman on this planet

- good enough for Axe Cop. - Let's get outta here, Grey Diamond.

Awesome! That gives us some time to hit the strip

and try our luck on some games of chance.

Wexter!

I lost everything in the casinos of Las Vegas.

Foster kid, I couldn't find you a mom in Las Vegas

so that leaves me with no choice.

I can't be your dad.

Axe Cop, you just can't foster a child

and then decide you don't want him.

You need to take some responsibility.

Hmmm, my tri-annual learn out for kids

- is coming up this weekend. - Oh, that's perfect!

That would really give you two some father-foster son bonding time.

And if I teach him how to be more like me,

the ultimate man,

he could be the ultimate son!

Now if you're here for Sockarang's Sockattacks 101,

follow him to cabin "B."

Who's ready to go nuts?!

Sockattack! Sockattack!

If you're here for Grey Diamond's "best friend" seminar,

raise your hand.

Now the thing to consider when picking a best friend

is who lives closest to your house.

Dinosaurs, follow wexter.

And if you're here for the axe learn out,

pick up your wooden axes and follow me.

I said dinosaurs follow wexter!

Right.

Right.

Right.

- Wrong! - Whoa whoa whoa!

Axe Cop, can I have a quick word with you?

You got to lighten up on that kid.

How about instead of yelling at him,