Scrubs

They say that by the end of your first semester

in med school, it's already obvious what kind of doctor

you'll end up being. Him.

Who... Trang? Yep.

Oh, man. Small hands, great with the ladies... Ob-Gyn.

No, more like a shopping mall pretzel vendor. Next.

Maybe Emergency Medicine.

Nope! Pediatrics.

There it is. What's up?

Hello. Hey.

Man, you're so lucky to have someone like drew.

I wish I could find a stud-wannabe surgeon

to take under my wing.

I've been making a play for this guy right here... Clint,

but he's too cool and aloof. See you in class. Dr. Turk.

Not if I see you first! Ha!

We gonna kick it!

He's gonna think I'm lame.

You are lame.

All right, then. Listen up, murderers.

As you know, we are approaching the end of the semester.

The ceremony of thanks is quickly approaching.

That's where you publicly thank the friends and families

of the cadavers you've been dissecting this semester.

It's actually a pretty sweet deal for em.

After their loved ones are stripped for parts

like a 1998 Mitsubishi Mirage,

we treat 'em to some free cold cuts

and a chance to listen to you regurgitate some trite quotes

about their family members' sacrifice

that you found on the Internet. Oh, yeah. Uh, heads up to all you white people out there.

Reciting a Maya Angelou poem in an old black lady's voi...

Not cool, okay? Cole, I'm talkin' to you.

Talkin' to you.

What are you cooking? I can smell it from next door.

It's a Wild Mushroom and Shrimp Risotto

I learned to make while working at a hostel in Naples. Risotto... that's gay for rice, right?

Yeah. Shrimp's gay for chicken.

Hey, should we get married today?

What?

We've been dating for four months.

I mean, it's pretty good, right? Let's stop screwing around

and just get it over with. Who cares?

Okay, obviously your diet of power bars and boxed wine

has scrambled your brain.

We got as great thing going here, you know?

Why mess with it? Yeah, you're probably right. It was just an idea.

Okay. (Chuckles) (Chuckles) Let's make a baby instead.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm on my birth control... I think.

Yeah. Uh...

How great is this cadaver ceremony gonna be?

We have to start planning what we're gonna do for...

You know who. You know, he can't actually hear you. He is a corpse.

I am just excited to honor his memory.

I don't see what the big deal is.

People die in third world countries all the time,

and no one cares. Since when did you become so political?

Since my boy Trent went on a surf vacation to El Salvador

and got a tattoo infection.

He had to die with a partial mermaid on his shoulder.

It just looked like a regular stupid lady.

Where was his ceremony? Am I the only one that cares

about doing something nice for Ben? Lucy, it's not that we don't care.

I actually do not care. It's just that with the semester ending,

we all have a lot on our plate,

and the cadaver ceremony didn't make the top of the list.

Guys, just do me a favor, okay? Come up with one thing

that's important to you about Ben. That's it.

It could be a poem or a lightly choreographed dance number.

Don't be afraid to go modern. I think Ben would appreciate it.

Fine. Or you could just bring some pretzels

or something.

Well, Cole, everything looks great

two weeks out, the wound's healed.

Test results came back clean. Your cancer's gone.

That is so crazy.

You know, I-I've always known that a surgeon might hook me up

with some sweet calf implants or a robot arm. Mm.

But I never thought one would save my life.

I'm not gonna lie. Surgeons are pretty awesome.

Hey, Dr. T., do you believe in fate?

You know, like, the stuff they talk about

during the boring parts of "Lost"?

Well, I was thinking that maybe I got cancer for a reason.

Like... like somebody up there is telling me

that I'm supposed to be a surgeon! Oh, Cole, you don't want to be a surgeon.

Now just a second there, Gandhi. You've been looking

for a protégé, and the good lord answered your prayers.

Oh, Dr. t., I would kill to be your protégé!

You don't want to be a surgeon, Cole. Okay?

It's boring and it sucks.

It's the complete opposite of a waterslide! Dr. Turk is right.

You'd... you'd hate it... All the blood and guts.

It's like an amazing horror movie.

I love horror movies!

Well, sure, but you'd have to wear a mask like a ninja,

and who wants to do that?

Last Halloween I was a slutty ninja.

Oh, this is gonna be awesome!

I'm more sure about wanting to be a surgeon

than I've ever been about anything ever.

Okay. I gotta go update my facebook status.

But then I'm gonna come back, and I'm gonna start

shadowing you, and I'm never gonna leave your side.

You're happy, aren't you?

I don't know about happy, but darn it all,

I feel alive for the first time.

And that's nice.

So nice.

all right.

I am so excited to see what we've all written about Ben.

Pass 'em up. Really? Nothing?

Ah. Thank you, drew.

This is a receipt for a pair of pants.

Yeah, well, I didn't want to leave you hanging,

and I'm gonna need that back.

I'm probably gonna return those pants.

They were skinny jeans, and I couldn't pull 'em off.

Literally took me like an hour to pull 'em off.

Guys, we've gotta come up with something good.

The other groups are way ahead of us.

they think they're so badass just 'cause Ron had

a vestigial tail and spinal meningitis.

Ben could have had that tail.

He's just not a show-off like ron.

Cole, you're all up under me. You need to back up, all right?

I mean, you smell great, but I don't think

I should know that about you. Yeah, no, I'm sorry, Dr. t.

It's just I-I'm so psyched about this surgery thing.

I already know what I'm gonna call my surgical practice...

"Cole cutz."

With a "z"? That's right!

Man, you gotta knock before you enter Cole's brain.

Okay. Well, why don't you go upstairs and get me some stuff?

Yeah, yeah. What kind of stuff? Everything that's up there.

Done! All right.

Dude!

Don't worry about Cole, all right?

He never sticks with anything. He said he was gonna learn

a new bone in the body every day until he figured out that

the penis wasn't actually one of 'em and quit. Hmm.

Just be tough on him. He'll bail.

So you want to be a surgeon, huh?

Well, then you need to understand

that it's not about glamour or money

or even making a great mix cd for the o.

Surgery is long, tedious and boring.

Oh, I get it... Like episodes of "Entourage"

that revolve around Turtle.

Sometimes you have to stand totally still

and stay completely lasered in,

even if it means just holding this clamp,

because this clamp right here...

This clamp could keep someone alive.

That's what you're gonna practice right now. (Creak)

You think you can handle it? I'll stay here as long as it takes.

I'll even cancel my 5:30 at the tanning salon.

Cole, you had skin cancer, like, yesterday!

Just hold the damn clamp.

What the...

Oh, there you are. Can you believe this?

Apparently, there's water damage in the wall or something.

Yeah, I heard about that.

Some guy upstairs cracks his head open in the shower,

lies there for four hours, and we gotta pay the price.

You think they'll be able to fix it?

Could be kinda cool, right?

I mean, instead of my crappy room

and your crappy room, we could have one giant crappy suite.

I mean, it'd be kind of like we're living together, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's exactly what it'd be like.

Exactly.

Exactly like that.

Exactly.

I was really excited, because i'd done a bunch of research

about Ben's life, and I couldn't wait

to share it with the group. Cole, did you know Ben was president

of the association for independent dry cleaners

for the midatlantic region from 1973 to 1976?

Woman, can't you see I'm in surgery?

Uh, no.

Can other people see that? Look, I'm sorry. I don't have time for this.

Go bother drew.

Okay, now I know you're not excited about Ben,

but would it change things at all if I told you

that he had a time-share in myrtle beach? Wow!

So he got to spend two weeks a year,

one of them off-peak, in South Carolina's

third most popular vacation destination?

Ho, ho! Game-changer.

Heads up. Oh!

So you're bringing some of your stuff in. Good.

Yeah, I'm just gonna keep this on your bed for a while,

since we always sleep in mine anyway.

And until they fix the hole, I figured this area could

kind of be like a den/hangout/place

where we have dirty sex on top of my hockey equipment.

Oh, honey, Lucy's here.