Man with a Plan

Bev, you got any fours?

Give you my fours, you give me your twos.

All right.

That is not how you play gin.

- Gin! - Gin!

Well, I can't say I'm sad it's over.

Hey, uh, listen, before you guys go,

I need you to clear your Saturday.

Well, we were all set to mail a letter,

but I guess we can wait till Monday.

Good, 'cause this Saturday is Andi's birthday,

and we're all going out to dinner to celebrate.

You planned ahead this year?

Usually first time I hear about Andi's birthday

is when you're apologizing to her for forgetting it.

Okay, I admit that in the past

I have occasionally lost track of time,

and her birthday snuck up on me. I've made some mistakes.

This is my yoga mat.

Yeah, you lost it, and I found it.

Happy birthday.

Hey...

there she is.

Happy birthday.

"This coupon is good for one free massage from Adam.

Back or front, your choice."

Fair warning, if we start on your front,

things will escalate quickly,

and then you can cash in this coupon.

Did you see the cartoon people?

It's not to scale, but that could be us.

Yeah.

Damn it!

But I'm telling you, things will be different this year

because Andi told me they had to be.

Are they gone yet... Hey!

Hi.

Ah, I'm so glad I didn't miss you guys.

So are you excited about your birthday plan?

Ma! I haven't told her yet. I want to tell her.

Oh, fine, fine. Go ahead.

It's a dinner!

Y-You already planned my birthday?

You mean I'm not getting my own yoga mat again?

I lost it for you on purpose, just in case.

Well, find it.

I already made a reservation at your favorite restaurant,

I scheduled the kids

for sleepovers that night,

and... this is the best part...

the dinner is on your actual birthday.

That's right.

I'm pretty handsome now, aren't I?

- Yeah, you are. - (CHUCKLES)

We've never gotten to celebrate on the real day before.

- Yeah. - This is so exciting.

We're going to dinner Sunday!

Yeah... Ah-ah, nice try. It's Saturday.

You're right. You did it.

Yes, I did.

So do you want me to handle all the logistics?

Yes, say yes.

What logistics? It's dinner with my parents,

Don and Marcy, and Lowell and his wife.

It's easy.

She's throwing you a lifeline. Grab it, son.

So everybody's coming?

Well, I haven't sent out the e-mail yet.

Oh, no.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

These two already said they're coming.

Well, we do have some requirements.

Your father needs to be near a bathroom, but not facing it.

He-he wants the convenience,

but he doesn't like the eye contact when they come out.

And, uh, your mother can't eat on a carpet.

She's susceptible to static electricity.

I've seen a doorknob make her fly right across the room.

See? It's not easy.

I should take over.

Honey, it's handled, okay?

- I got the private, no carpet. - Oh.

And the bathroom is just around the corner.

You think I don't know how weird they are?

We're weird, but we're not deaf.

So you really think you can pull this off?

Because now you're getting my hopes up.

And if they come crashing down, they're gonna land on you.

Look, all I have to do is send out the invitations.

One e-mail and... done.

Something's happening to me.

That's the e-mail, Joe.

I told you not to put your new phone in your pocket.

Oh. Send another one, will you?

Jen and I are super excited to be invited to Andi's birthday.

We took you to dinner a year ago, and since then,

we've been waiting for you to call and return the favor.

- Until today, dinner buddy. - Hey.

Hey, about Andi's birthday... Marcy says we can't make it.

She made plans with people from her pottery class, so...

Pottery class? Those people are strangers.

I take you to urgent care once a week

to get a nail out of your hand.

Cancel it.

I can't change Marcy's plans.

I got one boss, and it ain't you.

You guys have to come.

This is about my reputation as a husband.

Well, when you put it that way,

we still can't come, but now I don't feel bad.

Oh, here comes that mean building inspector.

She always looks like she's trying

- to scare the hiccups out of someone. - Joy's okay.

We had her and Rudy over for dinner the other night.

You just met her! No, no.

I got what I wanted. I'll allow it.

Hey, how'd the electrical check out?

- We all good out there, neighbor? - Listen,

just because I'm friends with your wife doesn't mean

I'm gonna let things slide around here.

- If anything, I'm gonna be tougher on you. - Oh.

So it pains me to say... you pass.

Hey, uh, Joy, how would you and Rudy like to come

to Andi's birthday dinner on Saturday?

Oh, we'd love to. Just one tiny thing...

I made Rudy a vegan, but he doesn't know it.

So make sure there's something on that menu

that looks like meat, but isn't.

Poor guy,

married to her, and now she's gonna

make him live forever. (LAUGHS)

What was that? What was what?

Well, Marcy and I figured since we couldn't go,

you would move the dinner.

I can't move the dinner.

It's on Andi's birthday.

- So you replaced us? - Yeah.

How can you be so far behind?

It happened right in front of you.

So,

it's tofu, but you'll paint it brown like meat?

Well, it sounds disgusting. Okay.

I'll see you Saturday night.

Was that about my birthday dinner?

My hopes are flying high.

: Yeah.

Are there gonna be any surprises?

Mostly for Rudy.

Oh, good. Rudy and Joy are coming, too?

"Too," "also," "instead of"... All those fun birthday words.

What?

Don and Marcy can't make it.

Aw, really?

Well, that's not a bad thing.

I mean, Joy and Rudy will have some new stories.

We've already heard all of Don's, you know?

He thought that raccoon was a cat. Remember? Huh?

He didn't know pickles were cucumbers.

He forgot the raccoon wasn't a cat, and tried to pet it again.

It's just, you know... and you wouldn't know this

'cause you've never planned one of these...

But, um, there's a rule that everybody agrees on

that if one couple can't make it, that we change the night.

: Honey,

that's not everybody's rule.

That's just your rule because you're nice.

But lucky for you, I'm not.

Okay?

So we are having dinner on your actual birthday.

Yeah, I-I got to be honest.

My hopes are losing a little altitude, okay?

Are you sure you can pull this off?

Yes. Yes.

So just, look... Sit back and relax.

You are in for a smooth flight.

Uh-huh.

I'm just gonna call Marcy and figure everything out.

Look, if you pick up that phone,

you're saying you don't believe in me.

I believe in you.

Then why are you still walking towards the phone?

Am I?

Andi, I'm telling you, this dinner is coming together.

Yes, there was a little speed bump,

but everyone's cool with it.

He frickin' replaced us?

No. No, we are not replaceable. We are family.

Technically, I'm family. You're just the wife.

Sharesies?

We are going to that dinner.

You tell your brother we are in.

You just made me tell him we were out.

It was a power move.

We lost. Let's move on.

Okay, okay.

Just one question.

How long will menopause last?

- Hey, guys. - Oh, Don, so,

I called the restaurant to get you and Marcy back in.

I did like you said. I told the guy it was for Don Burns.