Bob's Burgers

Hooray! Rainy day romp

At wonder wharf with pop pop!

I've got my raincoat,

I've got my least water-absorbent socks,

I even had my pre-pop pop pee and poop.

Yeah, going to amusement parks when it's sunny is for idiots.

A little drizzle means no lines for rides.

Sure, you might get struck by lightning,

But at least we won't be waiting in line when it happens.

Well, I'm looking forward to some quality time with grandpa.

I like how we enjoy the same ride intensity.

Less thrill, more chill.

Yep. You have the same taste in fun

-As a 75-year-old man. -Thank you.

Aw, they're so excited about their day with grandpa.

-It's sweet. -Uh-huh.

-(sighs) -what? What is it, bob?

It's just, I-I hope my dad

Doesn't do that thing he's been doing lately.

-What thing? -The thing where he talks

About how the world is terrible and it's all gonna end soon.

Oh, right. That thing.

Food's gonna run out.

This article says ten years, no more food.

Yep. Thanks.

With the melting ice caps,

Pretty soon ocean avenue will just be ocean.

Mm-hmm.

Your grandkids aren't gonna know

What a polar bear is. Or a tiger.

You go to the zoo, it's just gonna be a gift shop.

-Probably overpriced, too. -Uh-huh.

He-he didn't used to be like that.

It's a getting-older thing, I think.

Like, he's kind of getting ready to...

Leave the party, so he doesn't feel bad about

Telling everybody how much the party stinks.

And everybody at the party will starve soon?

Well, you talked to him about it, right?

Sort of. H-he can be a little defensive.

So, dad, uh, you know how you can get

Sort of apocalyptic in a not-so-great way?

What do you mean?

You know, like how you watched that documentary

And you texted me, "stop what you're doing

"and go buy all the water you can right now

Because it's gonna be gone soon"?

Oh, oh, you mean how I share helpful tips

That'll save your family's life?

Okay, never mind, got to go.

-Buy water. -Uh-huh.

-And rain barrels. -Yep.

And write "not water" on it so your neighbors

-Don't steal it. -Got to go.

And today it's just gonna be him and them.

And the cloud of darkness that follows him wherever he goes.

- - hi, everybody.

Hey, big bob.

-Hi, dad. - pop pop! - grandpa!

All right, grandpa day at wonder wharf.

This mama's jealous. I have to stay here

And work at this dumb ole place.

-Just kidding, bob. -That's funny.

Pop pop, question: How much cotton candy

Is too much cotton candy?

-Ah, I don't know. Three? -Perfect answer.

If we vomit on a ride, can we buy more of the food

-That we vomited? -Of course.

Well, I hope you all have fun.

And, uh, you know, just keep it light and-and fun.

Okay, go, go, go.

Love you. Be good for grandpa.

What are you talking about? We're always good.

And plenty. That candy was named after us.

pop pop, scramble pan first?

That's how we like to do it.

A great first ride. An appetizer.

We scramble and then we ramble. Sometimes we amble.

Or maybe the mole hill is a better appetizer?

Something gentle for the gentleman?

-Tina, scramble. -Fine.

Scramble me, baby!

Hey, you. I predict you will enjoy

Some fried clams.

Oh-oh-oh, it's clamstradamus.

Wonder wharf's newest thing

That makes you feel uncomfortable.

What is it now?

It's a talking clam that tells your future.

And I guess tries to get you to eat fried clams?

You there, in the red jacket. You look hungry.

Tell your grandpa you want fried clams.

Whoa. Is someone in there? There's no room.

-How's he know this stuff? -He's clam-voyant.

Yeah, they must have a camera.

Or a spy satellite? Is that it?

Is that how you do it?

I see all!

Like your brother picking his nose.

Coincidence.

He probably says that to everyone.

I don't like it. Don't be so specific.

Come on, let's scramble.

I want to feel centrifugal force on my innards.

-Your innard skynyrds? -Mm-hmm.

Okay, grandpa needs a little bench time.

Here's five bucks for each of you.

And make sure you spend it.

If you come back with money, you're doing it wrong.

This is in no way related,

But, grandpa, did I mention how much I like your style?

Meet me back here in a half hour or so

And don't get any tattoos that your parents can see.

-Hey, linda. -Hey, teddy.

-What you having? -I'm not here to eat.

I-I got a bit of an emergency on my hands.

But I'll take a burger and fries.

What's going on?

I need to ask you and bob a huge favor.

-No problem. -I mean, we should hear it first.

I need you to take a picture of me.

Like, a really good picture.

For the handy home website. You know that site

That has a bunch of handy folks and plumbers

And electricians on it for hire?

I-I thought it'd be a good way to drum up some extra business.

See, look at all these handy folks with great pictures.

Ooh, yeah. I would hire her.

I would hire him. I mean, but I won't.

See how friendly tool belt guy looks?

But every picture I try to take of myself,

I look like a murderer.

What? No. Don't be silly.

Oh, god.

It's the eyes. Sorry.

See? That's why I need your help.

I need to get my profile up.

Every second I'm not on this website, I'm losing business.

I'll take your picture, teddy.

I can make this camera love you.

Or at least flirt with you at the bar

And laugh at your jokes.

Thanks, linda.

Uh, I brought some wardrobe possibilities.

I thought maybe brown could bring out my eyes?

Murder eyes. It's just... Sorry.

Your life is about to take a delicious turn...

Into some fried clams.

Or not.

Hey, you're done for the day.

We're shutting down the clam shack.

The park's pretty empty 'cause of the weather.

Ah, too bad. I was really in the zone today.

'cause I can get too in my head sometimes.

Uh-huh, yeah, yep.

And just like that, our money is gone,

Which means no more ride tickets,

Which means we need to get our butts back to grandpa.

-And also we love him. -Clamstradamus?

Any clam-related fortunes you'd like to share?

Or observations about the human condition?

He's thinking.

hmm.

Guys, look at this.

I like looking at stuff.

maybe we shouldn't be in here?

So, this is the microphone that they use to...

...Make clamstradamus talk. Ha!

Close the door, close the door.

Hey, everyone. I know all. I see all.

Bow down to me!

Who wants to know their future?

Hey, mister, you're gonna keep walking that way.

Am I right?

-Or am I right? -And you're gonna

Receive a phone call on your birthday

From someone you know.

Guys, stop. What if we get caught?

Why would we get caught?

Also, we're supposed to go meet pop pop.

And also we're supposed to be good?

This doesn't count as good.

Tina, pop pop would be mad if we didn't do this.

Come on, just try it.

ugh. Fine.

Uh, so how's everyone doing today?

Oh, they're gone.

-Keep going. -Uh, so, hey, uh...

Your future is, um... I'm a clam.

-Okay. -Maybe do more farts?

Allow me.

That was beautiful.

Wait till you hear the finale.

hey, hat guy.

Your fortune is really, really good.

But, uh... Uh-oh, it's getting foggy.

Bring us, I mean, bring me, clamstradamus,

Uh, ten ride tickets.

And I'll be able to see it much more clearly.

-Let's just keep walking. - don't walk away.