Hear My Song

I'm sorry, Micky.

Micky, I'm really sorry.

I'm sorry.

I really am sorry.

It just came on me like that.

Just like that.

Like that.

You know, I've never let you down in the past, Micky.

Shut up, Ronnie. Shut up.

Sorry, Micky.

You know, the doctor said, "Don't whisper, don't speak."

Never mind sing.

We're gutted, Micky.

We're gutted.

Shut up.

If this happens again, Micky...

we're going to have to go back to the docks.

- Nancy! - Nancy.

Hi.

Hello. Hi. How are you doing?

See you later.

Girls. Mwah! How are you?

Yeah. No, I can't. Speak to you later.

Bye.

Some of that, sir. Thank you.

- Oh, boys! What's all this about? - Can we have two more glasses?

What's the occasion, then? Who needs an occasion?

- Nancy here? - (Both) Yeah.

- Champagne? - (Both) Yeah.

Give that to her halfway through the second verse.

What?

I'm going on.

Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention, please?

Please, please, may I have your attention?

Please, thank you. Can I have some quiet, please?

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen.

The fire brigade have just phoned to tell us

that Ronnie Lavelle is being cut out of his Ford Capri

in the worst car crash in the history of the M6 motorway.

- (Dramatic piano chords) - (Man) You're joking.

Thank you.

But, at very short notice,

we are proud to present

the man who put the heart back into Heartlys.

Mr Micky O'Neill.

We didn't pay to see you, O'Neill.

You're rubbish, O'Neill, get off.

Very good.

Make love to me, Micky, make love to me.

Micky, I love you!

Micky!

I love you!

Vice versa, love. Vice versa.

- I don't believe it! - What?

Vice versa? Vice versa, what is vice versa?

- Vice versa. - What's wrong?

You haven't really made love to me yet.

Damn it, we were there.

- Micky! - What?

- No, I mean ever. - What?

Jesus, you just can't say it, can you?

Nancy! Nancy, no. Munchkin. Plum-plum.

Bollocks!

Vice versa.

They've got to be universal, they've got to be popular and they've got to be live.

Mr Everybody?

Not universal.

Coffee and Cream?

Not popular. God!

Frank Sinatra?

What?

Frank Sinatra.

No. F-R-A-N-C.

C-l-N-A-T-R-A.

Show me.

Does it work?

Fools them down south, Micky.

Yeah!

Bollocks.

Book him.

Where's the book?

- (Song ends) - Yeah.

Where does it hurt you, baby?

- (Woman) In my ears. - OK, Oscar, hit it.

The Ryans are here, Micky.

Tell them I'm on the golf course with Tony Bennett.

- They're in the office. - Bollocks.

- Have you found anybody? - Josef Locke.

He's big. He's Irish.

- He's a bigger draw than the Pope. - Boys.

I didn't go and see the Pope. What is he?

- He sings. - Women weep.

The Ryans weeping?

This I've got to see.

Cup of tea? Sherry?

Take a seat.

This is nice.

The Ryan family has owned this building for 50 years.

We needed a two-thirds majority to get you dismissed.

- We got three thirds. You're out. - Three thirds. It's a lot, isn't it?

It wasn't difficult.

Misuse of funds. Not paying our seven-and-a-half per cent commission.

- No management responsibilities. - No competency.

I'm 30.

I was born in peacetime.

I haven't been where you've been. I haven't seen what you've seen.

I didn't have much of a family.

And, when I came here to Britain, I thought, well, you know,

maybe I could make this Irish community my family.

And, you know, to a certain extent, I think I have.

There are givers...

and there are takers.

There are those who find a kind of giving in their taking.

That's me.

If ever I've taken, and I can't consciously say that I ever have,

I've found a kind of giving in my taking.

Bollocks.

- (AIl) Bollocks. - (Woman) Yeah.

You're a bollocks!

Who have you booked for next week?

Bing Crosby with a K?

No, Josef Locke.

Get away.

We've got him for one week.

I don't believe you.

Jo Locke's a wanted man.

Tax or fraud or something.

He'd be arrested if ever he returned to England.

- We know. - You know?

We know it's Jo.

Youse all know it's Jo.

But we don't bill him as Jo.

Then what do we bill him as, Ricky-fucking-Robert?

No. Mr X.

"Is it or isn't it?"

We're not allowed even to mention Jo Locke.

How it is these days.

Well, you can't get more popular than Jo-bleeding-Locke.

So, do I stay open or do you lose Josef Locke?

Seven-and-a-half per cent of that would do nicely.

Wait here.

You see these two goldfish?

Apparently, they have an attention span of only three seconds

so that means every time they go around and meet again,

it's as if they've never met, and they can start again.

Is this you saying you're sorry?

What I'm saying is you could say that goldfish don't know what missing is.

But Nancy...

I don't think that's true.

I hear you can sing.

- Who are you? - I'm Cathleen Doyle, Nancy's mother.

Are these because she's a Pisces?

- What? - The two fish.

Absolutely.

What country, friend, is this?

Caught between great icebergs of doubt

Nipped upon the frozen floods of philosophic despair

Let nodding tempests of verbosity whistle round your bottles

Michael, row the boat ashore for this peripatetic fugitive.

Will a grand a week do?

To know yourself you've got to keep up with yourself.

But your self moves on,

and is not today what it was yesterday,