black-ish

Thanksgiving...

The holiday that transcends race, religion and sexual orientation.

Why? Because there's something for everyone.

The turkey, the football, the parades,

the brief friendship that preceded

the decimation of our native population.

Did I mention the parades?

And being that Thanksgiving's my mom's favorite holiday,

she's cool with everybody.

Aah!

Even Pops gets love.

It's her happiest time of the year.

Oh, no. Unh-unh. Unh-unh. Ooh, mama. No, no, no, no, no.

You know you can get salmonella from that.

Yes... I can.

- Dre... - That's my baby.

- That's disgusting. - Mmm. This is good.

Ooh. Ooh. I just got a chill.

It's probably the salmonella.

A chill? Mnh-mnh.

- No, I keep this house at a steady 82. - Yes, you do.

Oh, my eyes are itchy, and my joints are aching.

It's the bacteria attacking your nervous system.

- No, no, this is something else. - Mmm.

Something evil.

Mm. Coming!

AV.

Hey, baby brother.

Hello, Rubeline.

Almaviligerais.

What's that snake doing here?

Doing what snakes do...

Slithering up to people's front door without calling first.

- I hate her. - Earl, you been doing sit-ups?

Let me answer for you... You have not.

You look awful.

Here's the thing.

I actually love my aunt

because she raised Pops like her own kid,

She's the only one who can check him.

Stop it, now. Come on, now. Oh, have mercy.

I just have to pretend to hate her

so my mom won't choke me in my sleep.

Can you believe this raggedy broad

just popping up and acting like

we're supposed to drop every damn thing to cater to her.

You know what?

I'ma go give her a piece of my mind.

Auntie AV! Oh, I love you so much.

Please forgive my mom, and don't you leave, okay,

because I don't want to choose because if I choose, I choose you.

No, I don't. No, I don't.

God, this is hard.

This is what "Sophie's Choice" was all about.

Oh, we should watch it. Do you know what Netflix is?

Okay, breathe.

Breathe, Dre.

AV?

Hey.

There she is,

looking like America's next top model.

Aw, stop it.

- Come here, baby. - Ohh. Oh, hi.

- What are you doing here? - Ohh.

It doesn't matter. She's wonderful.

- Enjoy it. - Why are you whispering?

- I'm not whispering. - Oh, you're not?

- You're screaming. - Ohhhh. I see what's happening.

Why don't you man up, Dre, okay, and stop being a little B.I.?

We know you love your aunt!

Stop hiding it from your mom!

Okay, you just saying that

because you want to see my mom get mad.

I am. And I do.

Why didn't you tell us you were coming?

We could've hung out, but Dre and I are going out of town.

Yeah? Where are you two going?

Oh, we're going on a little baby-moon.

You know, a little romantic time before the baby comes.

- Sookie, Sookie, now. - Yeah. Uh-huh.

Well, you know what, we don't have to go.

But we want to go. But I want to spend time with you.

Damn it, Sophie, how did you make these choices?

What is wrong with you?

I like being student-body president.

But, to be honest, I've been a little freaked out

by the assassination attempts.

- Excuse me? - Assassination attempts.

You know, when people try to kill people.

- People want him dead. - A lot of people.

- But mostly me. - Hey.

We'll be back before dinner tomorrow night.

Now, if there's an emergency, you listen to your grandparents.

What if they're dead, and that's the emergency?

- What? - Hmm.

Then you listen to Jack until I get back.

Yes!

Are you serious?

Okay, we've got a long drive. Let's go.

- Hey, Junior? Bags. - No. Don't do that.

Bring me back money.

Money's always good.

So why are you here, Almaviligerais?

To spend time with my brother

and his beautiful, sweet grandkids. Mm-hmm.

See, now I know you're lying 'cause they just okay.

Hey, hey, hey. It's Thanksgiving.

Now, can't we just have a little peace around here, please?

Don't you know, Earl?

You can't have peace with a snake in the house.

A snake'll crawl up in your bed while you're sleeping

and bite you in your crotch.

And you always have some no-good,

crotch-biting ulterior motive.

Ruby, now you just being ridiculous. Now let it go.

Yeah, I'll let it go...

when I die.

So, why are you here?

Because I know the eagle has landed.

The eagle?

Oh! Yes, yes. The eagle.

And it sold for way over asking,

and I want my cut of the condo.

Shh! Eagle! It's an eagle.

And you ain't getting a penny of my eagle.

We playing eagle chicken, here?

- Ruby! - All right, all right.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, now.

Let's talk turkey.

I finally have the answer to one of our great family mysteries.

Why we sometimes find your underwear in the trash?

- It's gross. - Push them down, man.

Okay, do you want to hear my news or not?

- Not really. - Nah. Mnh.

I know why grandma hates auntie AV.

I heard AV whisper to Pops, "The eagle has landed."

Pops joined the electrician's union in 1969.

And who did the electrician's union

do a lot of work for?

Movie studios.

Guys, he was obviously a part of the government conspiracy

to fake the moon landing.

Have you not watched any of the links I sent you?

You make it real hard for me to look up to you.

Let's say we're as lonely as you are,

and we believe Pops backlit the moon landing.

What did auntie AV do?

Duh.

A.V. Audio/visual.

Come on, guys.

I'm just connecting some very obvious dots.

And, just for the record,

those are dad's Star Wars underwear in the trash.

Oh, God.

Oh, wow.

- Dre! - Ah.

This is amazing! - Mm-hmm.

Baby, you picked such a beautiful place

for us to reconnect.

Oh, well, you know, baby, I dropped a couple of stacks on this room.

And, according to my calculations,

we need to reconnect at least five times...

- Five times... - to get our money's worth.

- Okay. - Mm-hmm.

We are gonna reconnect hard.

- You have no idea how hard. - Oh, no, I do.

- Hey, babe, babe. - Oh, yeah.

Let's reconnect on this coffee table.

I don't know. It looks a little wobbly.

This is gonna make for a tricky reconnection, baby.

- Okay. - See? No. Unh-unh.

Well, check out's at 11:00

and the bike rentals are free, but they go quick.

Get out. - Okay.

Yeah. Thank you.

Don't look back.

I put the condo in your name

so that Ruby couldn't get her hands on it.

I took care of it, did the upkeep,

- so you're welcome. - AV, you being ridiculous.

- I want what's coming to me, Earl! - Hey, hey, hey, hey.

That screaming and hollering in here like some raccoons. What is it?

Nothing. Right, sis?

Yeah. Nothing.

She's up to something, Earl.

I don't trust that snake.

Ruby, it's Thanksgiving. Be cool for a couple of days.

I mean, you two used to be the best of friends.

Yeah, like Jesus and Judas.

You stole my Calvin.

What? Who said that?

- Calvin! - Oh.

What did he say, exactly?

That you stole him!

Wow. That's pretty definitive.

Where you want it?

- Head or gut? - Whoa. Hold...

Come on. - Ruby, this is stupid.

- I'm not gonna fight you. - Come on!

- I'm gonna jack you up! - Hey!