Stuart Fails to Save the Universe

I know it sounds crazy,

but Penny was like

some kind of, uh, revolutionary guerrilla leader,

uh, fighting against this AI government thing

that put chips in everyone's neck.

And the chips, they were inserted with magic?

N... No, no, that's... that's the next universe.

That's a... that's a completely different ball of wax.

Right, sorry.

And I know you. I mean, uh, from my universe.

But you weren't a psychiatrist,

you were... were a neurobiologist.

Well, good for me.

And this all happened before or after the apocalypse?

Oh, before. After civilization collapsed,

there wasn't a big demand for neurobiologists.

Rat farmers, sure, you know? People gotta eat.

Uh-huh.

Okay, uh, here's what we're gonna do.

Let's keep your Shamoxil where it is,

and I'm going to double your dosage on Trafederine,

see if that doesn't help.

- You think I'm crazy? - Oh...

That's not a word we like to use around here, but...

Doesn't matter. I

- gotta get out of this place. - To go to a different universe?

Not just different, a good universe.

You know, without giant moths, or evil demons.

Right, sure.

Well, if you make progress,

it's not out of the question that someday you can leave.

Someday? What... what... what does "someday" mean?

It means a vague time in an unspecified future.

That sounds like never to me.

Oh, "never" is not a word we use around here.

It can be upsetting.

Open.

Thank you.

Oh, and remember, Dr. Fowler upped our dosage,

so we might wanna take it easy for a while.

"We"? Are you on these drugs too?

You're a crack-up.

I like you.

Who builds a hallway like this?

- (STUART BLOOM PANTS) - (TAPPING CONTINUES)

Oh, Bert.

Thank God.

Let's get out of here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Careful there, Chachi. - (GASPS)

- Who are you? - Who am I?

I'm Mamie Eisenhower.

I'm a Sherpa.

- A Sherpa? Hmm.

I thought Sherpa was an ethnic group.

Oh, it is. I converted. I met a girl online.

We did the whole thing,

you know, the classes, the ceremony.

Then she goes back to her ex.

I don't know what to say. Uh, I'm sorry?

Oh, no, I'm... I'm working through it.

I'm in therapy.

I... I think that's a good idea.

I don't know. We'll find out.

There's something wrong with the door.

Stuart.

How'd you get out?

I didn't. You're very high.

That's all, folks!

- Hey. How'd you get out here? - Oh. (GRUNTS) No!

No, you don't understand! I can't stay here!

None of this is real.

- None of this is real. - (SHOUTING) What's not real?

- Denise? - There's my guy.

You gotta get me out of here.

Oh, honey, I wish I could. You've gotta get well first.

Mm, there's nothing wrong with me.

Stuart, please, you need help. I miss you.

The children miss you.

I have children?

- Oh, my God. - I'm a dad?

You're a wonderful dad.

Jaden and Talia love you so very much.

Okay. I'll do the work.

- I'll get better. - Oh, thank you.

Uh...

Whose idea was it to name them Jaden and Talia?

- Yours. - Oh, I do need help.

Okay, very interesting interpretation.

Stuart, do you have anything that you'd like to add to that?

Stuart?

Okay.

There's something I need to get off my chest.

"What is it, honey?"

"Just listen."

"And that's why I felt invisible."

"No, Dad, you're talking out of turn!"

- "You have a son named Stuart." - And here's Stuart.

"Oh, my goodness! He's come home."

In the past, I'd be full of fear.

Now, I'm just feeling the love from deep within.

That's great. Good job.

Everybody, round of applause for Stuart.

- AMY Good job, good job.

I see you've been working very hard.

- I have, yeah. I've got a nice note here

from your occupational therapist.

Really?

"Mr. Bloom brings a refreshing enthusiasm

- "to his leather work." - I made this wallet.

Three compartments and... a coin purse.

Always need a place for your coins.

But how are we feeling about these other universes?

I'm glad you asked.

I've come to understand that I was bat shit crazy.

Not the word that I would use, but a word that I would think.

I still have some concerns.

I'm eating well, I'm sleeping well.

Last movie night, they played Step Brothers,

and I laughed. In all the right places.

Any way you look at it, I am well.

Well, that's not really for you to decide, is it?

No, it's for you to decide.

- Have you? - I have.

I can make you a nice belt.

Not necessary. It's time you go home.

Thank you, thank you.

- Ah! - You're welcome.

Think you'll be letting Bert out anytime soon?

We don't have a patient named Bert.

Of course not. I was just testing you.

You passed!

I'm gonna go now.

Bye! If any of my friends lose their marbles,

I'll send 'em here.

You doing okay?

Yeah, great. Good.

I am so, so glad you're coming home.

Me too. Hmm.

I mean, I don't wanna put any pressure on things

or push you too much, but (SIGHS)

Mama really missed her Big Daddy.

Uh, I... I'm Big Daddy?

- Yeah, you are. Okay.

- Yeah. Just checking.

"Big" is a, uh, great adjective.

Mm-hmm. (CHUCKLES)

Unless you're talking about a suspicious lump.

We just have to make one little stop.

- For what? - Oh, you'll see.

Big Daddy loves surprises.