Grace and Frankie

Ah, well, you are really a peach, you know that?

I mean, taking me to Whole Foods and the art store.

Don't forget the transcendental foot place. That was a necessary stop.

Wait till you try out the neuropathy socks I got you.

Danger ahead: uncontrollable urge to cha-cha-cha, pain-free, all night.

Can I get you anything?

How about your license?

Oh, God, it's so good to laugh. I-I've really missed your snappy wit.

Grace, that stare is filled with Phil.

I believe it's called rage.

If it's any consolation, I've been awful with myself in my diary.

Your bullshit diary where you write in the air?

I'm just trying to help, Grace.

I'm trying to say I'm sorry. I'm trying to cheer you up.

You know what would cheer me up? Other people cheering me up.

All I see is you anymore, in the house, in the car.

I lie down to close my eyes, and all I see is your hair.

Well, I can't help that I have memorable hair.

Well, I miss other hair on other friends

who don't ask me about my feelings all the time.

I used to have friends.

We'd meet up for a fun lunch or a fun drink,

and then you know what they'd do?

I'm guessing something fun.

They'd get in their own cars and drive themselves away back to their own homes.

And where are these independent drivers now?

We fell out of touch after the whole Robert mess.

Wait. Wait a minute. What Robert mess?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I could go out and make new friends.

But I don't know.

Who wants to start to build history right before we're history?

- Didn't we do that? - We had special circumstances.

Maybe I should call some of them.

Although, I don't know. You know, it is a little weird

hanging out with a bunch of couples when you're not a couple anymore.

- Do you want me to come? - No. Besides, it's been a year.

Janet will pick up and say, "Hello, Stranger."

How do you come back from that?

Do you want to talk about it?

No! I want to do something about it.

But, but I want you to know I hear you.

And don't worry about me getting my license back.

Dear Diary:

Tomorrow I buckle down and hit the books.

Smiley-face. Winky-face.

Heart, heart, prayer hands.

Mm.

"What does this sign mean?"

What the hell?

Wait, that does look familiar.

Oh, that's why.

What do you mean-mean-mean?

I can't wait.

Oh, it's gonna be so much fun to see everyone again.

How about 12:30?

Terrific. I'll see you tomorrow, Janet.

How great is this?

Is that a cha-cha? It's those neuropathy socks, isn't it?

I was so nervous to call her, my hands were shaking when I dialed.

- Oh, it's been so long. - Ah-ha-ha.

She couldn't have been lovelier.

Oh, that does not sound like the Janet I know.

- Frankie... - She breeds Pomeranians.

She has a Pomeranian.

She's coming to lunch tomorrow with Mary and Arlene.

The whole country club crowd.

Don't start. They were my best friends.

Besides, you don't have to be around to deal with them anyway.

Great. Do you know this sign means?

No...

I am not being sucked into... whatever this is.

- I'm studying for my driver's test. - Really?

It looks more like a Jamaican séance.

Good band name: Jamaican Séance.

Yeah, I'll tell you a better band name: "I'm Not Driving You Around Anymore

So You Really Should Take This Seriously."

- Oh, yeah, that'll catch on. - Well, it better.

Your long Frankie nightmare will be over tomorrow.

You're taking me to the DMV.

That's tomorrow? I have my lunch!

Oh, calm down. It's an early appointment.

You'll be back in plenty of time, man.

Now serving number A45.

- I'd like to appeal these results. - Excuse me?

I'd like to speak to someone who understands

the biased nature of standardized testing.

Or someone who will consider an essay in lieu of multiple choice.

We don't have that person.

- All right, let me take it again. - I can't do that.

You flunked three times. You need to wait a week to retake it.

A week? Oh, look, there's a very angry woman coming this way.

Don't pay any attention. Just be cool and just follow my lead.

- Hey, girl. - How'd you do?

- She flunked. - Oh, God damn it.

- I thought we had a deal. - You flunked again? Forty?

You got a 40? You're going backwards!

Listen, I'm having some people over to lunch in a half an hour...

- You can go. She's all done. - Oh.

I have to come back in a week to retake it.

- What? - Let's just leave.

No. Uh-uh. Um, hi.

Hi.

I'd like to introduce you to my friend, President Andrew Jackson?

Ma'am, you know you can go to prison for trying to bribe me.

And he's dead now. The president is dead. I hope you're happy.

You know, this is not over between us.

Seven minutes. I've got seven minutes.

- I can do this in seven minutes. - OK, I'll get outta here.

You're not going anywhere yet.

Well, not like I'm going far, because I can't.

No, no, no. You made me late. You need to help.

Go get the crab salad out of the fridge.

- Sir, yes, sir. - And get the serving spoon.

- The one with the fleur-de-lis. - Oh, you mean the French swastika?

Oh...

Does this look tasty.

- Don't mess the mound! - Oh!

But, I'm starving.

I wasn't gonna put my fist in it.

Well, I was, but now I'm not.

You don't need a license to take your noodles

and your peanut butter sandwich up to your studio.

Oh, shit! I gotta go.

No, wait, wait, wait. Say "hi" and then be on your way.

And lose the dick.

Oh, look at you, Janet. Oh...

Mm.

- Oh, and you brought Ann-Margret. - Ann's dead. This is Jackie O.

Oh. All she needs is an over-sized pair of sunglasses.

- She's got 'em. - Oh, Arlene.

Oh, careful. New hip.

Oh.

Mary, I almost forgot what an infectious laugh you have.

I feel infected already.

Frankie's here. We were hoping to see you.

I never want to disappoint my fans, however...

One should always leave the audience wanting more.

Oh, can't you join us for a little lunch?

You know, if the Meals On Wheels people catch me eating lunch

they'll stop coming by.

Well, come on, stay.

I mean, we're so curious about how you two are getting on.

And we want to hear all about your new single lives.

Oh, I don't think you do, Janet. Sometimes it really sucks the big...

Everybody grab a seat in the dining room and I'll get us some wine.

Frankie, would you come help?

No, I won't help you. I'll be eating a sandwich up in my studio.

Why should I be your waitress?

You'll be my bus-girl. Meaning you'll ride the bus all week if you don't.

Besides, it'll look too weird. Like you can't stand them or something.

Yeah, I'd hate for them to get the right idea.

Just put a lid on it. Don't be too... you-ish.

- Jewish? - You.

No railing against country clubs, don't reference your manifesto,

and for God's sakes don't talk about the BP oil spill

and what it can do to a crab salad.

Any trouble finding the place, Arlene?

No.

- Did I ask you that already? - Yes.

Oh. I'm sorry. I meant to ask Mary.

Mary? Any trouble finding the place?

We carpooled.

In Janet's car.

Jesus.

Look, can I just say how sorry I am that I haven't been more in touch?

- I feel terrible about it. - Oh, water under the bridge.

- Oh, don't give it a second thought. - We could've done better, too.

No, no, I get it.

It's hard in these situations. I was a wreck.

Last year after everything that happened with Robert, I was...

Well, you find out your husband of 40 years

is having an affair with another man?

You start asking yourself some very hard questions about

what makes you happy, about all the lies you tell yourself.

You should hear all the lies I tell myself about all the lies I tell myself.

Well, that's all behind you.

And everyone should look as good as you coming off the year you've had.

- Really, how do you do it? - Have you guys looked at her plate?

I get a lot of help from my two Italian nutritionists... Martini and Rossi.

Oh, I've missed you guys.

We've missed you.

- Hasn't been the same. - So much.

- Who's up for more wine? - Who isn't?

Oh!

Oh, that was... that was unbelievable.

No, but, Mary, you're thinking about the time we were in Cancún.

- This was the trip to Puerto Vallarta. - She always confuses our trips.

And Frankie, the hurricane wasn't even the best part of it.

The best part was on the beach the one day the sun came out.

Robert decides to order us all prickly pear margaritas

- in his "perfect Spanish." - I remember this.

Anyway, he orders from this guy on the beach,

five minutes later the guy comes back with a sock full of cocaine.

Cocaine!

That's a good band name: Sock Full of Cocaine.

How we're not all in a Mexican prison I'll never understand.

Oh, Grace, you remember when, uh, Sonny tried to roll Robert down the lane?

Oh, yes. It's the only time I ever got kicked out of a bowling alley.

- You bowled? In an alley? - Uh-huh.