Him

Scene 33-T. Take one.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

- Roll sound. - Sound speeds.

Roll camera.

- Rolling. - Xav, on to you.

Are you comfortable? Okay. Good.

Let's get started.

Are you truly ready to get married and why?

Yes.

I feel like the only single person on the planet.

I'm 30, so fuck yeah, I'm ready.

Oh, shit. Am I allowed to curse?

For sure.

Um, spiritually, I'm open to the process.

To the journey. Sorry.

One hundred percent.

I've been praying to God each and every day

to send me my husband.

Maybe this is it.

Well, I'm turning 26 in two years.

So I got to get married

before I get kicked off my parents' health insurance.

I love that.

All right. Describe your perfect guy.

Thoughtful, kind.

Thirty-five, wickedly charming.

- I'm not picky. - A dad.

-Rich. -Intelligent.

Oh, but he has to like animals.

-Fucks like a demon. -But no tech bros.

I mean someone who wants to be a dad.

'Cause I want a lot of kids.

Not rich?

Okay. This is the big one. Bear with me.

Who was your first love?

It was this Greek investment banker that I dated

who didn't love me back.

I liked a boy in church choir named Chandler when I was 14.

His pockets were deep, but his love was not.

I asked him to the Sadie Hawkins dance,

and then he laughed in my face,

which I told him I did not think Jesus would appreciate.

My high school boyfriend, Jason.

I thought we were gonna get married.

My college boyfriend.

It's the only relationship I've ever had.

But well, I'm here now, so...

Never even got a ring.

You think people fall in love at MIT?

I mean, you're too busy writing Python

to be someone's soul mate.

So then what makes you want to find love

on national television?

Well, it just seems like everything matters more.

The stakes are high.

You can get engaged here.

If I say I want to build my brand, is that bad?

I'm just excited to try something new.

You know, have an adventure.

That's totally bad. Don't use that part.

Well, the show couples, like Blake and Serena

Peter and Ashley, I mean, they are goals.

And it just makes me so excited

to think that I could have that too.

Have you seen the kind of guys you pick?

Zaddies.

Oh. Thank you.

- Yes, I agree... - ...and consent...

...to being filmed...

...24 hours a day, seven days a week...

...potentially through the use

of hidden cameras and microphones.

And I recognize I will have little to no privacy.

I am aware that...

...the production can divulge information

about myself that could be... - ...upsetting...

- ...unfair... - ...unflattering...

...unwanted and unexpected.

Additionally, I understand

that my edit on the show could result...

...in an inaccurate and dishonest portrayal.

Woof.

What?

-Is that it? -Let's do this.

Whoo!

Wait. Wait. Wait. He showed up in your dream.

That's pretty romantic, Jenna.

Yeah.

I dreamt that I was underwater.

I was swimming breaststroke.

I was state champion in high school.

And I start swimming past the other girls.

This is the one thing I know I can do better than them.

And I see him on the other side of the pool,

and he's waiting for me.

And suddenly,

all my elimination-ceremony dresses fall into the pool.

The gold one from night one and the red one

with the super-low cut that I'm still embarrassed about.

The diamond earrings my mom told me to wear.

Those hurt.

In the pool, you don't wear jewelry.

You get rid of anything that slows you down.

So are you saying that you're scared

things aren't progressing with him?

Exactly.

Because when I finally lift my head above water,

it's not him at all.

It's Claire -- holding their baby.

It's like, how did nine months go by so fast?

And suddenly I'm alone again...

with a bunch of dresses I hate and earrings that hurt.

No baby.

No ring.

And no husband.

That was fucking fucked up, Sarah.

Shana, you survived a double date elimination.

I feel like you should be more excited.

Scott, I'm taking Shana's suitcase down to her room.

I should be excited

that he thinks I show my pussy to OnlyFans?

Sarah, why the fuck would I be excited about that?

-Literally shut up. -Hey! That's a Georgia O'Keeffe!

It's like millions of dollars.

Yeah. Well, it looks like a pussy.

And apparently those aren't appreciated around here anymore.

Well, first of all, sex work is work.

Oh, my God. That is not why I'm mad.

I am from Vegas, I love strippers.

It's just...It's just not what I do, and you know that.

Okay. So he misunderstood you.

You got him to understand,

and now you get to stay another week.

Lauren really wanted to stay.

You need to be grateful that he chose you.

Now everyone's gonna think I'm a fucking ho.

I mean, I am a ho, but I do that for free.

Now I'm a business owner, so --

-Of a lingerie brand. -Oh, what?

You've never bought a bra before?

Shut up, Sarah.

You just have to be careful with how you present yourself, Shana.

He's looking for a wife.

Oh. How could I forget?

Wives don't have boobs. Silly me.

Why aren't you backing me up on this?

I'm helping you see things from his perspective.

Okay.

Congratulations!

-You made it! -Is that a problem?

No. I just...

-Brynn and I got along. -Cry me a river, Jenna.

Are you here to make friends or get a husband?

Give me those chips. Come on.

Thank you.

You smell like a YMCA. Is there a pool at this house?

It's a villa.

I know we just moved to this location,

but please remember when you're on camera to say "the villa."

-"The villa." -Cool?

It's down the steps from the main patio.

Okay. Well, this villa is certainly more exciting

than the desert picnic from hell I was just on.

-What happened? -He brought up his kids.

And you know what Shana does for a living.

-That makes sense. -It makes sense?

Bitch, what the fuck? Come on.

Ladies! You're a great girls!

He thinks you're great girls.

There's no need to fight about it.

Shana, I'm gonna get with everyone and see what they need.

You might have to get back in your gown

and have a little chat with Xav.

-No. Come on. -Don't take your makeup off yet.

I have to pee.

I am on my last fucking nerve with Miss Girl Boss.

But you and Sarah have always been so close.

What happened?

Normally, yeah. But tonight -- I don't know.

I mean, she's my producer, and she's supposed to be on my side.

She's, like, weirdly defending him.

Well, what exactly did he say?

He's like, "Oh, blah, blah blah. You used to do porn.

And I'm worried about how that's gonna look for my kids."

Fucking piece of shit.

You think we're getting pizza later?

I'm sure he didn't mean it.

Whatever.

This counter is like a Sephora.

Okay. Beauty is a full-time job, Jenna.

Okay.

You know what?

Just because he's some best-selling author

doesn't mean he's any better than me.

And also, who the fuck told him I did porn, Jenna?

Probably Adrienne, TBH.

Yeah. That little bitch loves chaos.

Well, maybe he got confused.

Okay. Burlesque is not porn.

Well, it's similar.