The Paper Bag Plan

Oh, jeez.

Wake up.

I told you we had to get up early.

-It's cold. -Oh, come on,

it's 69 degrees in here.

All right, sit up.

One, two, three, Jesus, be with me.

Give me two more seconds.

-What are you doing? -Trying to whistle.

Hurry up and eat your breakfast.

Uh-huh.

Snail.

Dad, poo, poo.

-Hey, Billy, the kid! -Hey, Frank.

Morning, Frank.

Next up to bat, we've got lefty Chris Morley.

Morley has been putting up the numbers this year.

Devin O'Connell's batting .289 this year.

He's one-for-three with an RBI on second.

1-2, swing and a miss. Fastball, 95 on that one...

Stupid doctors don't know what they're talking about.

When is my appointment?

The appointment wasn't for you.

Going down.

Hey, why are you, why did you do that?

We're going grocery shopping later.

You're gonna help me make dinner tonight.

Okay, okay, but can you give me my headphones back, please?

Did you hear what I said?

You're gonna help me make dinner tonight.

-Quesadillas? -No, not quesadillas.

So grumpy today.

Mindy.

Hey, Oscar. Aww...

- My man. - Um...

Can you fix that? It's gonna give someone a seizure.

-That light? -Yeah.

I don't even notice it anymore,

but I will put it on our wish list with the city,

along with unclogging the toilets, fixing the heaters,

removing the mold from our office--

And new computers.

Bam, computers.

And God forbid, giving us more staff.

All right, yeah, I get it.

But I will give maintenance a call later on today, okay?

- Thanks. - Thank you.

Hey, Billy. What's up, Mr. Martin?

Ruby, you owe me another round of Battleship today.

Can we play a game from this century?

Hey, I gotta get going.

-Yeah, bye, Dad. -Yeah.

Ugh, let me tell you what happened to me.

Mm-hmm.

So I was drinking my coffee

when this couple came up to me

and asked if they can take the empty chair

that's in front of me.

Like, honestly, why do people assume that I'm either alone

or that all my friends are in wheelchairs?

-Who were you with? -Nobody.

Like, go ask somebody else.

I know, right?

-So I'm matching four, five. -Okay.

Pretty full.

I can't guarantee you anything.

Yeah.

This is the best I can do.

Okay, thank you.

How can I help you?

Do you offer any kind of job placement

for some of your clients?

Not here, um, but I can give you

the number of the regional center.

They might be able to help you out

if they ever answer their phone.

Thanks.

Due to a high volume of calls,

we are unable to assist you at this time.

Please try back again,

between 9:00...

The air has to flow, you know what I mean?

-Let the air flow. -What do you mean flow?

Flow out of the lips.

Eh, forget it, this is stupid.

Good morning, Marie. - Good morning.

- Hey, what's up? - Odd question,

but, um, do-- do we have any jobs here

that are for people with disabilities?

Like a government program?

Uh, no, not here,

it's too dangerous.

I gotta get this. Hello? Yeah, that's fine.

I mean, this traffic is crazy.

Mm-hmm. - Oh, he's here.

-Hey, Dad. -Hey, Oscar.

- Hey, Tonya. - Hey, Dad.

I beat Ruby today in Battleship four times.

Well, I did beat you like 10 times at Connect Four.

Tomorrow, no more Mr. Nice Guy, Ruby.

Um, well, tomorrow is Saturday, you fool.

So you're gonna be here all by yourself.

I'm still gonna beat you.

You tried it and you lost.

What are you gonna do when--

When?

I did beat you ten times last time.

Oh...

Um, when you get home?

Uh, what-- what are you gonna do?

For fun?

Oh, uh, we're both cooking dinner tonight.

We're gonna cook some pasta, right, Billy?

With parmesan, just the way you like it.

Yeah, maybe watch the game.

Um, you guys have a nice weekend.

-You too. -See you later, Mr. Martin.

-Bye, Bill. -Bye, Ruby.

Okay, what are we eating tonight?

-Uh, spaghetti. With meatballs. -Right. Right.

So what are some of the things we need?

- Put the phone down. - Uh, cookies and cream.

Try again.

Um...

Meatballs. - Right,

so the meatballs require?

The meat, Billy, ground beef.

-Ground beef is in the back. -All right, let's go.

You like this one, 30 percent fat and it's cheaper, got it?

-Yep. -Take a picture.

We'll have a pound of that.

Here, $40.

You're gonna pay for the groceries.

There you go.

Now the next ingredient we need is

-to... -Tomatoes.

Yes, but tomato s...

-Sauce, aisle five. -All right, let's go get it.

-Did you find the one you want? -Yep, this one.

What else do we need to make spaghetti?

- Uh... - Come on, you know this,

you eat this every week.

They soften when you boil them.

Spinach?

Pasta, Billy,

you need pasta noodles for spaghetti.

I know, but I thought we had some at home.

No. Now here, you like this one.

- Take a picture of it. - Uh-huh.

And I am low on whiskey.

Oh, you're always low on whiskey.

Did you need a bag?

Yeah, and I'd like to pay for the alcohol separately.

My son will pay for the other groceries.

Mike.

Sorry, we're short-staffed today.

- Thanks, bro, I got it. - 39.40.

How would you like to pay for this?

Oh, Billy.

Line's backing up. How you gonna pay for this?

With cash, Billy.

Where is it, the $40?

Billy, pull it outta your pocket and give it to the cashier.

Hey, why don't you all take a picture? It lasts longer.

Billy.

I-I shouldn't have yelled at you.

I said I was sorry, bud, okay.

But there's gonna come a time in your life--

Listen to me...

--when I won't be here to do things for you.

I'm getting older, and you're getting older too.

You can't stay at the rec center forever.

So, I want you to...

I need you to take more initiative.

To be more independent.

Independent means to do things on your own--

-Alone, I know. -Yes, that's right.

So, the first thing you need to do

is learn to make some spaghetti.

It's not that hard, we'll do it together, it'll be fun.

Pop.

What was your appointment for today?

Oh, nothing.

Just, uh, checking my private parts.

Hey, hey, hey, where you going?

-Here, come here. -God.

Check this out.

Now look inside the bag.

Memorize how these items are stacked, okay?

-Okay. -Okay.

Now, put them back in the bag just like you found them.

Okay.

All right, you don't have to turn all the labels

so they're facing the same direction,

but, all right, that's fine for now.

Hold it.

All right.

Okay. Now, can you put these items in the bag?

Uh...

-Dad, you feeling okay? -Come on.