Roseanne - Tenth Season

Hellooo.

Who wants to meet Armani?

Aww, he's cute.

Oh, you already had the baby.

This is your Aunt Darlene.

Don't you want to pet him?

- I can't. I'm allergic. - Oh, no, you're not allergic.

Mom just said that 'cause she didn't want a dog in the house.

I could've had a dog?

Yeah, you could've had seafood, too.

It's just expensive.

Damn it!

I love dogs!

So, a dog. Why?

Because today I'm going to Andrea's fancy fertility doctor,

and he's gonna give us a calendar

for my embryo transfer,

and then I'm gonna have a baby,

and then I'm gonna get $50,000,

and then I'm gonna get a house with a yard,

and since I'm getting a yard,

I can finally get a dog like I always dreamed of.

Oh, okay.

So you did the last part first.

Well, you've inspired me.

I'm gonna go dive into a swimming pool

and then fill it with water.

You are so damn negative!

It serves you right

that while I'm in my nice, new house

with my nice, new dog,

you'll be living here in this Mongolian cockfight

that's our childhood home.

Anyway, want to be my Lamaze coach?

Oh, yeah, Lamaze classes...

I'd go to those just for the movie they show you.

It's like "Carrie",

but after the bucket of blood, they hit her with a baby.

No, I am not giving any more money

to your organization.

And stop with those sad commercials.

I cannot enjoy my snacks!

Mom got caught eating candy

out of the bulk bins at the grocery store...

not a good time.

This is my new dog, Armani.

We were just leaving to go to Andrea's doctor.

What are you telling me for?

You know how I feel about this.

I'm a little nervous.

I was hoping you might wish me luck.

You're gonna need it.

Conner babies have huge heads.

You had an uncle who never even got out.

His legs just eventually grew long enough

to touch the ground.

Will you stop it?

You're not gonna scare me out of this.

Well, you're too damn bone-headed

to listen to reason.

What if this is the one baby you can have?

You've just not thinking this through.

I don't want a baby. I have a dog.

You know what?

I'm not coming over here again.

Can you believe that?

And she was the smart one.

You know what?

Even as an adult, I can't hear that enough.

"Roseanne" was taped in front of a live studio audience.

Okay, we're almost done

with the medical-history sections.

So, next question is...

Hep-C, Hep-B, HIV, STDs?

No, no, no, and...

not anymore.

Uh, terminated pregnancies?

Zero.

Oh, come on!

Aunt Jackie!

I just know that you were "popular,"

like I was, so I assumed...

Okay.

Hey, ladies!

Sorry, I was at the hormone specialist.

He says I'm gonna have no problem

producing my own breast milk.

I have very porous nipples.

Lucky!

So, before we go in,

I have a small gift for you.

It's just a little "thank you"

for the gift that you're giving me.

Aww.

It's a bedazzled egg.

That's not just an egg.

That is really expensive.

That's a "Fuh-berj" egg.

It's... uh, it's Fabergé.

And what'd I say?

Thank you.

Becky Conner-Healy?

Here we go, team!

Here we go! Alright.

Let's get in there and put the "us" in "uterus".

I don't hear the pitter-patter of little feet.

Where are the loud, small things?

Oh, it's really funny.

One of the mothers

mentioned an indoor water park in passing

and so I shoved Mark into her van

as they were rolling away.

What about Harris?

I know where one of them is.

Why don't you give me a break?

Hey. Where are you going?

You know what? Just because I live here

does not mean you have the right

to ask what I'm doing or where I'm going.

I'll go wherever I want and do whatever I want.

Okay.

But seriously, where are you going?

Alright, fine.

I got a job interview at Build-A-Bear.

I-I guess it's between me and some high-school kid.

Fingers crossed.

Hey, Dan.

Did you know you can go on the Internet

and get anybody's address and also their phone number?

No, but I know if you're looking for work,

There's people working, alright,

but it ain't a job site.

Whom are you stalking, my pet?

That Andrea person.

She's not getting a Conner baby.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna go tell her that Becky is 43 years old.

And once Andrea finds out that she lied,

that'll shut the whole thing down.

No, you're not.

Look...

neither of us wants this to happen,

but she's a grown woman and she's made it clear...

We don't have anything to give her,

so we shouldn't be standing in her way.

Oh, so what? Now you're on her side?

Did you see the look in her eyes

when she thought she had the money

for some kind of future?

We got no right to tell her she can't take $50,000.

I'm not gonna tell her.

That's why I'm going to see Andrea.

No, you're not!

You're gonna stop interfering with Becky,

and you're gonna do it now!

Okay.

What do you want for lunch?

Something that was prepared, cooked,

and sealed at another location.

I don't care, honey.

Something quick you can microwave.

I can do that.

Ding!

Okay.

Usually, the next step

is to start monitoring your cycle

to see when you need to take the hormone shots

so we can move toward fertilization...

I can't wait.

But here's what I found...

Her eggs aren't acting their age.

Not acting their age in a good way, like...

like Cher?

The eggs are poor quality.

You may be 33,

but you have the eggs of a much older woman.

What does that mean?

I can still have a baby, right?

Even with interventions,

I'd say you have less than a 5% chance

of ever getting pregnant.

I know you've both been looking forward to this.

I'm sorry.

I'll give you all a minute.

Look, Becky, I really appreciate everything you've done.

It's just...

- I'm not getting any younger. - Sure.

Well, I guess there's really nothing else left to say.

Yeah.

I think we're just gonna sit here for a moment,

kind of take all this in.

Mm.

I understand. Please.

I guess we just walk away

with the things we brought into the relationship.

But there's also things we've given each other

that remain with us forever.

Okay, look, I feel terrible,

but I really have to have the egg back.

It's too soon. She'll send it to you.