Replicator

Your honor, clearly the victim has suffered extensive injuries

-caused by the defendant. -Objection!

There hasn't been any testimony linking my client

- to those photographs. - Your honor,

please flip to photo number seven.

What does that look like to you?

Well, counselor, without any context,

I can't speculate to what this is.

Well, this is what happens when a middle aged man

who still wears his High School State Championship football ring

-beats his wife. -Objection.

Facts not in evidence.

That is sustained. Counselor, move on.

You were on the 89th State Champion football team, weren't you?

Sir, you do not have to answer that question. He is not on the stand.

He is not your witness. Counselor, you know better.

And I've already told you once, move on.

My apologies to the court.

Now, furthermore, is the alleged victim prepared to take the stand

and actually lay the foundation for these photos?

No, you told me I didn't have to.

I need an answer, counselor.

Counselor?

-Are you with us? -No. I-- I mean, yes.

I mean--

I mean, I would like to call another witness.

Okay, you may proceed.

I call Sheriff Williams to the stand.

- Thank you. - -Your honor, this is the sheriff's report.

Sheriff Williams, will you please read your comments

from line seven that recall what the defendant told you upon questioning?

-Objection. -He hasn't even said anything yet.

I'd like to renew my motion to exclude any statements by my client.

This vest cam footage shows

the sheriff did not read my client his Miranda rights.

Therefore, anything he said must be excluded.

Okay. I've seen enough.

Counsel, I've considered your motion

to exclude your client statements.

And based upon what has been shown here today,

there is just not enough evidence

to establish probable cause to take this to a formal trial.

Therefore, all charges against the defendant

are hereby dropped.

Defendant, you are free to go.

Sheriff, you're released.

Your honor, I implore you to reconsider!

May I remind you that this is my courtroom?

Yes, I'm in your courtroom!

So, do the right thing!

Counselor, approach. Now!

Now, listen here. This isn't law school anymore,

and I will not be challenged in my courtroom,

especially by someone who can't even lay the foundation

for their own evidence. Let me explain something to you.

The difference between our justice system

and the rest of this world is that we actually have rules.

And in my courtroom, we follow those rules.

-Do you understand me? -Yes, your honor,

but there must be justice for this man's actions.

Then bring me some evidence that we can actually use to convict him.

And you can start with the sheriff over there.

Get him to properly do his job

so that we can actually use the evidence that he collects.

So, you're telling me you're dismissing my case

because he is an idiot?

No, I'm dismissing your case because that is the law.

Now, listen, I don't like that guy any more than you do.

But this stunt that you pulled here today,

that is not how we get things done.

Do you understand me, young lady?

Careful. I'm armed and dangerous.

Yeah, but you're not that smart.

-Oh, come on, not the ears. -Mm, whatever you say.

That's it. I do not object, counselor.

Would you please stop talking...

I'll take-- I'll take the stand-- I'll take the stand!

I'll take the stand!

Stop staring. It's pathetic.

I get it. I'm just a piece of meat to you.

Whatever.

You know I like our little internal meetings.

Just let this be a reminder not to forget

about those Miranda rights next time.

Oh. And I actually believe for a second

that you enjoyed this.

What a fool I am.

- Come on. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know what this is.

Look, I'm cool with the arrangement.

Are you?

Yeah. Yeah, whatever.

Just be sure to do your job properly next time.

Yes, boss.

Thanks again for getting these reports together so quickly.

Oh! Gotcha. Anything I can do to help put those scumbags behind bars.

Oh, shit!

Ron, what the fuck are you doing here?

Well, I think it's pretty obvious.

Uh, don't you, Gina?

I, uh, I think it's time to go.

-Yeah, go. -Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Stay. Stay, stay, stay.

Gina, is it?

Yeah, get the fuck out of my house!

-I need a ride. -Oh, don't look at me.

Talk to Miss Party Pooper over there.

-She wants you gone, she can ge-- -Ron!

Fine. I'll get you an Uber, doll.

I need to turn off

this video recording on my phone anyway.

- What? - Yeah. This night vision recording app

is awesome.

All right, there. 15 minutes out front.

Who takes care of you, huh?

You make me sick, Dad.

Is that how it's gonna be?

Are you kidding me?

But you were not even supposed to be here yet.

That is not what we talked about.

You gonna dry your hands? I mean, there's a towel right there.

You know what? No.

If I wanna walk around with wet hands, I will.

You are in my house, so you are gonna abide by my rules.

Well, if wet hands is one of the rules,

I am gonna fit right in

because my hands were pretty wet

before you walked in.

At least one was, anyway. Ah!

You are so nasty.

- Who was that chick anyway? - Who? Gina?

Just a little kitten that followed me home.

Mm, of course. You're never gonna change.

I am such an idiot for thinking this could work.

Hey, don't tell me what to do with my life.

You told me to make myself at home when I moved in here.

Yeah, I didn't expect you to be banging randoms on your first day.

Oh, well, you would say that, wouldn't you, little miss "by the book"?

-What is that supposed to mean? -It's supposed to mean

that you are too self-righteous for your own good.

Hey, you know, I need kicks too.

The only reason I'm here is because I can't live on my own anymore

with this damn health thing.

Cancer isn't an excuse to be a whore, Dad.

It takes one to know one.

Yeah, yeah. I still got plenty of friends in this town that like to talk.

I know all about you and your little sexcapades

with your married sheriff.

Sounds pretty hypocritical to me.

Oh, so you're slut shaming me now?

Nice.

You're gonna ruin everything good I got going on now.

-I know it. -Oh, fine, then. Fine!

I'm the bad guy 'cause I'm trying

to make the most out of a terrible life.

Great. Wonderful.

Oh, I bet you're gonna give me a curfew now too, huh?

"Make yourself at home, Ron."

Shit.

Why do I always feel like the villain? Fuck!

This one's on me.

Well, I thought they'd all be on you.

What? No best friends discount?

Um, I own a business here.

Do you know how hard it is to run a bar?

I know. Sorry.

Don't be sorry, just, like,

you know, leave me a good tip or whatever.

I got you.

So, what's up?

Girls' night is on Thursday.

Oh, gosh, it's been a hell of a day.

Let me guess.

Court decision didn't go your way?

Well, yeah, there's that too.

Ooh, there's more?

This should be interesting.

Just a second.

Where were we?

Uh, you're not gonna believe me.

Spill it.

Dad called me last week.

Shut up.

-Why didn't you tell me? -I don't know.

-I-- I, I don't know. -Okay, so what did he say?

-It's not good. -Yo! Service!

Yo! One sec, I said. Jesus, dude.

-Do you wanna help him? -No. Fuck that finance-- or whatever.

Wait, so what happened with Ron?

Shit.

Oh.

He told me he has cancer.

Leukemia.

Oh, shit.

Then I, uh...

And then you what?

I told him he could move in with me

and I would take care of him.

So, he showed up today, a week early.

Bitch, service!