Louie

You should do your job, that's what I'm trying to say.

You should do your job, because it's your job,

because you're the person standing there

doing that thing, so just do it!

Do the shit out of it.

Why wouldn't you?

It drives me crazy when someone has a job that they don't like

so they do it shitty.

What kind of a response is that?

If you do it shitty, isn't it worse for you?

Like, I travel, so I have to--

I need help all the time.

And I go-- like, I rent a car

and I always want another one-- I'm crazy.

So I get a car, I'm like, "I don't like that.

I want another car."

So I go to the counter, "Can I get a different car ?"

And sometimes I get the person who's like--

"Why ?"

'Cause I'm a dick!

Give it to me.

Why-- what do you-- what do you...

"What's wrong with it ?"

I'm crazy is what's wrong with it.

You're-- you're wearing a vest that matches the building,

just do the thing that is the point of the place.

"Uhh."

Why ?!

You know why?

'Cause you're 20, that's why.

'Cause you're a 20-year-old little ( bleep )

and you have no idea how the world works,

because you think you deserve better...

you think you're too interesting a person

to have a shitty job.

Every 20-year-old that I encounter behind the counter

gives me that look.

"Oh, this job sucks."

Yeah, that's why we gave it to you.

Because you're 20!

Which is a mathematical guarantee

that you have no skills

and nothing to offer anybody in the world!

You're 20!

For two decades, you've just been taking and sucking up.

Education...

... and love and food and iPods,

just sucking it up and judging it.

"Yeah, it's pretty good,

but not really, I don't like that..."

You've just been selecting

and absorbing shit that you didn't ( bleep ) earn.

For two decades!

Three presidents, that's how long

you've just been a burden.

You're like an orange that's rotting on a tree

and the tree's like,

"Get the-- get-- this thing's crazy."

"Uh, I don't wanna go, let me stay !"

You're 20, you've never done any--

If you're 20 years old, I guarantee you,

you have never done anything for anybody, ever.

Never.

Yes, you went on a school trip to Guatemala

and they told you you helped but you totally did not help.

The guy was like, I got a mudslide on my house

and now I gotta babysit a ( bleep ) college kid.

Why do I have to do this?

Jesus.

"Ehh."

Just take her picture with a shovel

and send her home so she can put it on Facebook.

"I had an amazing experience in Guatemala,

"it was totally amazing

and I really helped those people, I helped them."

Attention, ladies and gentlemen,

if you hear a series of loud noises,

this is from construction going on at Grand Central.

Please do not be alarmed.

Thank you.

Hey, Carlene. Thank you for doing this.

I have no choice.

I need to get back on this train

to Philadelphia right now.

I will be back for her in two days.

But you're both staying with me.

That was the plan. No.

Just her, two days.

Louie, please.

That's not what you said that you were gonna do.

I was afraid, okay?

I mean, how could I ask you to do this for me? Well, you're not asking,

you're just apparently doing it. Louie, I'm sorry.

I need to go to Philadelphia

and I need her not to go with me.

Just, please.

I don't know anybody her age!

She's 13.

You don't need to do much for her.

I have to go.

You've gotta be shitting me.

Where's my mom?

She's gone.

Forever?

No, just-- just a couple of days.

Okay.

Hey, hey, excuse me.

Hey.

Amy?

Amy?

Amy, hey...

Hey, listen, you can't...

Please, Amy...

Um, we're gonna go back to my--

Amy!

Thank you for stopping.

All right.

We need to make some rules here.

No more running away.

This is a big city

and it's not cool for you to run away from me.

Now we'rgonna go back to my place and we'll figure out--

Dude, what did I--

What did I just say, what did I just say?

What did I-- Amy!

This is, uh, home.

Come on.

Uh... this is where I live.

I guess you could stay in, uh...

Lilly and Jane's room.

I don't know if you remember them.

They were very little last time you saw them,

but you can be in here if you want, if you--

Hey, Amy.

Amy, it's been about four hours

and I don't have any--

I haven't heard a sound in there.

Listen, I gotta know you're not a dead kid

in my house right now, so I'm--

Amy?

All right, I'm gonna open the door, have to come in.

I don't wanna breach a thing, but I gotta walk in the room,

to be a responsible grownup.

So here's me--

This is me coming in, okay?

Here I go.

Okay.

Oh.

You wanna get something to--

You want some food or...

We'll get some--

I wanna go to Fontana's.

You wanna go what?

To Fontana's.

It's an indie rock club.

I wanna go there.

Did you like the show?

Hey, listen, do you wanna get something to eat?

This is-- this is Chinatown.

It's renowned Chinese food and we could get--

I gotta get you to eat something.

I'm not gonna die if I don't eat.

Yeah, you actually are.

Is it true you're a comedian?

Uh-huh.

Can I see you do a show?

No, that's-- that's not a good idea.

Why?

Because yoe say "shit" and "( bleep )"

and talk about bad things?

Yeah.

My mom says all the time.

She screams it, in my face.

Jesus.

I'd like to see your show.

Li, sten, Amy, I don't know the depth of how bad

things are in your home and I--

Your mom had a hard life, all right?

And I know that that's not your...

I'd like to see a comedy show.

Can I see you do a show?

Yeah, okay.

Come on.

I mean, 'cause this is New York, right?

So there's a lot of immigrants, right?

We got a lot of immigrants here, right?

Yeah, so--

Um... where you guys from?

Where's this Internet team from?

Holy...

Holy mackerel.

You got the Asian, that's the leader-- holy mackerel.

It's like-- this is like Benetton.