Two and a Half Men

* Men. *

Who wants more potatoes?

Hit me.

Uh, Chelsea, the way it's supposed to work here

is that Berta serves us dinner.

I don't mind.

Hear that? She doesn't mind.

Shut up.

We're back!

Hey, how'd it go?

I don't know what you were worried about.

Your son is a wonderful driver.

Oh, well, thanks for taking him, Mom.

He needs the practice.

Mmm, pork chops.

What are you wearing?

Grandma bought it for me.

Pretty cool, huh?

You made him dress up as a chauffeur?

He loves it.

Don't get grease on that jacket, dear.

Yes, Miss Evelyn.

Would you like to join us for dinner?

Oh, no, thanks, I had a late lunch.

And she sent a piece of pie out to the car,

so I could eat, too.

Anyway, I better get going.

Well, thanks again, Mom.

Say thanks to Grandma.

Thank you, Miss Evelyn.

Good to see you. You, too.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Have you two set a wedding date yet?

No.

We haven't.

But we're gonna.

Well, it just so happens that a client of mine

schedules the weddings for the Bel Air Hotel,

and she told me that there was a cancellation

for the weekend of June 26.

The Bel Air Hotel? In June.

Charlie, the Bel Air Hotel.

In June.

Yeah, I heard.

Wow.

What do ya think?

Gee, I don't know.

We hadn't talked about a date.

Boy, it's almost impossible

to get a June date at the Bel Air Hotel.

Thank you, Alan.

Judith and I had to get married at the Sportsmen's Lodge

in November on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.

Yes, I remember the Indian corn centerpieces.

Oh, Charlie, I've always dreamed of getting married

at the Bel Air in the garden with the swans.

Yeah, but keep in mind those birds are vicious.

They look pretty, but they'll peck your eye right out.

Besides, I thought if we had the wedding here,

the money we save could pay for a nice long honeymoon.

Yeah, I guess that's probably smarter.

Shame on you, Charles.

Depriving your fiancée of her dream wedding.

Especially considering all the money you blew

on hooch and whores over the years.

Thank you, Berta.

Tell you what--

the wedding at the Bel Air will be my gift to you.

Are you serious?

Gee, Mom, thanks, but that's a little too generous.

A little?! All she gave Judith and me

was a dinette set.

Yes, and who's eating on that dinette set now?

That's not the point.

Charlie's marriage is just as likely to fail as mine was.

Thanks again, bro.

Anyway,

I asked them to hold the date for 24 hours.

So you can talk it over and decide.

Thank you, Evelyn. That is so sweet.

Well, I do have an ulterior motive.

The sooner you two get married,

the sooner I'll have more grandchildren.

Why? Does Miss Evelyn need a cook

and a butler, too?

Let me know, dear.

I will.

The Bel Air Hotel.

In June.

Let's see ya get out of this one, Houdini.

* Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men *

* Ah. * Men. * Men.

* Men. *

So, have you thought about your mother's offer?

Yeah, I have.

I've got one question.

Why June?

What's wrong with getting married in July?

Or the following October?

October is a perfectly good month.

Birds all fly south,

so you don't have to worry about swan attacks.

Charlie, if you don't want to get married in June,

we don't have to.

What? No, no.

No, that's not what I'm saying at all.

Where do you get this stuff?

So?

So, what?

Do you want to get married in June?

Oh, we're back on that.

Well, I can't think of any good reason why not.

And believe me, I'm trying.

So that's it?

We're getting married June 26 at the Bel Air Hotel?

I guess so.

Oh, Charlie, I'm so happy.

That's only because you don't have a swan beak

in your eye socket yet.

I'm going to go call your mom,

and then my mom and then all my friends.

Good, good.

Alan, we're going to do it.

June 26 at the Bel Air Hotel.

: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

That's so wonderful!

I know! I gotta go call everybody.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

Wow, the end of an era.

Guess so.

Well, you had a good run.

Yep.

But now it's over.

: Forever.

Nothing's going to change, Alan.

Sure, I'm going to be married,

but I'm still going to be the same guy

living in the same house with the same woman.

Yes, yes, the same woman.

: Forever.

Hey, can I be the best man?

You'll need a sex change.

Where you going?

Out for a drink.

You can drink here.

I could, but I don't want to vomit here.

Wait, wait, wait, I'll go with you.

Why? I'm not done poking at you.

Hey, shouldn't you ask the ol' ball and chain first?

I don't need her permission.

Really? Yes, really.

Although, it is considerate

to let your partner know your plans,

so she won't worry.

Sweetie, I'm going out for a drink with Alan, okay?

Sure! Have fun!

Thanks! Love you!

Shut up.

You're driving.

Wow.

Jake has one big-ass head.

* Men. *

All kidding aside, she's a great girl

and I'm sure you're going to be very happy.

Thanks.

: Forever.

Are you done poking?

For the moment.

Boy, who would've figured that of the two of us

I'd end up being the carefree bachelor?

If by carefree, you mean broke and lonely,

everybody would've figured.

Hi.

Hi.

Charlie. Betsy.

I'm getting married on June 26.

Good for you.

At the Bel Air Hotel.

Nice!

That means no matter how easy you are,

I can't sleep with you.

I can. I'm Alan.

Can he buy you a drink?

* Men. *

What you watching?

Um! Golf!

Don't sneak up on a guy, all right?

Sorry.

Your dad watches a lot of golf, too.

So, listen,

how'd you like to be a groomsman in the wedding?

What do I gotta do?

You just walk down the aisle with one of the bridesmaids

and stand with Charlie during the ceremony.

Tell me more about the bridesmaids.

They're friends of mine.

So, they're old.

No, not all of them.

I have a niece who's about your age.