The Band Wagon

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we are in luck today here in Los Angeles.

Through the years, the Bullwinkle Galleries...

...have brought up for auction...

...many collections of the personal effects of your famous movie stars.

But today is indeed a red-letter day.

The personal effects of Tony Hunter!

Lot 94.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's start out with Lot 94.

Some of the potpourri of Mr. Hunter's own personal costumes...

...that he used in his famous dancing-singing pictures.

Remember this? Perhaps the most famous top hat...

...and stick of our generation.

Yes, the one he used in Swinging Down to Panama...

...and all his other famous pictures.

Let's start with $5. Do I hear $5?

It's worth a lot more.

All right. Let's start with 2.

Well? Fifty cents?

Anything?

Just one more for the road. About 20 minutes to New York.

Bottoms up.

- So you're from California? - That's right. Sunny Cal.

- Sunny Cal? - Yeah. Sunny Cal.

Say, you're from Sunny Cal. I bet you know a lot of movie stars out there.

I got to confess. I'm just like you and me.

- Only get to see them in the movies. - Ha, ha.

But I read about them. I know all about them.

Boy, I'd sure like to meet that Ava Gardner.

- You're a little late. She's married. - Yeah.

- You know this one? - Who's that?

- Tony Hunter. - Oh, him. The singing-dancing fella.

My wife used to go see all his pictures. Almost broke up our home.

"Tony Hunter! Tony Hunter!"

He was good 12 or 15 years ago...

...but the columnists out there say he's through.

Through? He's washed up. Hasn't made a picture in three years.

- Did you say something, mister? - I said I agreed with you.

That Tony Hunter's a has-been.

- Got a match? - Yeah.

I wouldn't go to see him if they gave away $5 bills with the ticket.

Yeah.

We should be pulling...

The funny thing about what you're saying, boys, is that it's absolutely true.

Here. Have an exploding cigar.

- This the last of the bags, Mr. Hunter? - Yeah.

Say, porter, um, could you see that they get put in a taxi...

...and taken up to the, uh, Plaza Hotel? - Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Everybody's getting off, sir.

If you don't mind, I'll just sit for a minute or two.

You couldn't just, uh, make up my berth for the night here, could you?

No, sir. I couldn't do that.

There's a mob of reporters and photographers out there.

Yep. There must be some big shot aboard. Maybe the president.

No, too many for that. Probably a movie star.

- Hi, fellas. - Tony Hunter! Hello, Mr. Hunter!

Thanks for the red-carpet bit. I didn't expect it.

- What brings you to New York? - Just fooling around.

- Between pictures, Tony? - In a manner of speaking.

Didn't I read something in Variety about you going into a show?

Lily and Les Marton had something planned for me. I haven't decided yet.

I haven't been on the stage in a long time. And you get into a different medium.

- What it actually is... - Here she is!

- Excuse me, Mr. Hunter. - See you later.

Hi, Miss Gardner.

Miss Gardner, hold it, please? Smile pretty. Thanks.

- How long you going to be in town? - I have no definite plans.

Tony! I had no idea you were on the train.

This is a surprise. You going to be here long?

- Perhaps a week or two... - Excuse me, Miss Gardner.

Could the boys get one more shot of you coming out the door?

Honestly, isn't all this stuff an awful bore?

- Good to see you, Tony. - It's nice to see you.

By the door, please, Miss Gardner. Once more! Here we go! Thank you.

Miss Gardner, my paper would like to do a Sunday feature on you.

Those poor movie stars. People just won't let them alone, will they?

No. I don't know how they stand it.

I'll go my way by myself

Like walking under the clouds

I'll go my way by myself

All alone in a crowd

I'll try to apply myself

And teach my heart how to sing

I'll go my way by myself

Like a bird on the wing

I'll face the unknown

I'll build a world of my own

No one knows better than I, myself

I'm by myself alone

Tony Hunter! There's Tony Hunter!

Rah-rah, Tony, Tony Hunter Sis-boom-bah, yay

Did you kids paint those signs just for me?

That's cute. Piggy.

Let's get rid of this stuff.

This is the biggest surprise I've had.

- Mister, can I have your autograph? - You certainly can, gal, come here!

That's my wife. Let go.

Don't worry. I'll get around to you in a minute.

- Who's he? - Never saw him before in my life.

- Hello, piggy! - Hello, yourself, you two-headed creep!

Why didn't you say when you were coming?

We had to ask your agent.

- Why didn't you send us a wire? - I wanted to sneak in quietly.

Believe me, I didn't have any trouble. I want to see if you've changed in a year.

No, Les, you haven't changed a bit. You look desperately ill, as usual.

- What'd you have to say that for? - Just kidding.

I've been feeling terrible all day.

Kind of faint, lightheaded, a lot of pressure here, queasy inside...

...my pulse... - You look great.

As for you, that New York pallor is like a breath of fresh air.

You're too pretty to be a successful writer and much too pretty to be married to that.

That's the prettiest compliment I've had all day!

Come on, you two-headed lovebirds, there's work to be done!

- Now I have here a script of a show! - Les, you didn't bring it.

It's great. It's the best thing we've ever written.

Take it, boy. Smell it! You can tell it's good.

There's a great part in it for you, nice little parts for us.

Wait. This boy must be starving. Let's take him to Sardi's.

Only two blocks more, then Sardi's.

- Shall we tell him, Lil, the big surprise? - You tell him, Les.

Who do you think is going to do the show?

Only the greatest director-producer in town, Jeffrey Cordova.

- Who? - Jeff Cordova.

We're meeting him tonight, backstage, right after the show.

- What did you say his name was? - Jeffrey Cordova!

You're not serious.

I don't think he ever heard of this fella.

What's the matter? Don't you get newspapers back in California?

This genius directed Man in a Mousetrap...

...The Lost Nymph, and did them both while starring in Oedipus Rex.

He's got three hits running, and he's starring in one of them.

Only one?

This fella's fabulous, phenomenal, fantastic! He can do anything.

- Has he ever directed a musical? - Oh...

What's the difference? He can do anything.

He's theater. He's a new kind of theater man, Tony.

The theater's changed. Lots of things have changed.

They certainly have.

What's happened to 42nd Street?

I just can't get over it. I just can't understand it.

This used to be the great theater street of the town. The New Amsterdam.

I had one of my biggest successes there. Ran a year and a half.

Noel Coward and Gertie were here in Private Lives in the Selwyn.

Strictly carriage trade, nothing but the finest.

First show I ever did was at the Eltinge, and I don't believe that's here anymore.

- Oh! Oh! Oh! - What's the matter?

- I think he broke my leg. - Can you put your weight on it?

- I'll try. - I'm sorry! I didn't mean it.

- Okay, forget it. - Let's get him a cab.

Taxi!

Here, let me carry you.

My dear man, it's entirely my fault and I apologize.

Here's for your trouble.

- Ow! Ow! Ow! - Lean on me.

- I can stand anything but pain. - You'll be all right.

It's swelling. I'm getting a hematoma. The blood is spurting out.

I want some cold compresses! Not hot, but cold.

Listen, you go over to Sardi's. I'll see you later.

Driver, take them on over. Order me a steak.

I'll see you in a few minutes.

Excuse me.

I'm just a little bit fuzzy. Wasn't this formerly the Eltinge theater?

What are you doing in there?

When you feel as low As the bottom of a well

And can't get out of the mood

Do something to perk yourself up

And change your attitude

Give a tug to your tie Put a crease in your pants

But if you really want to feel fine

Give your shoes a shine

When there's a shine on your shoes

There's a melody in your heart

With a singable happy feeling A wonderful way to start

To face the world every day

With the deedle-dum-dee-dah-dah

A little melody that is making The worrying world go by

When you walk down the street

With the happy-go-lucky beat

You'll find a lot in what I'm repeating

When there's a shine on your shoes

There's a melody in your heart

What a wonderful way to start the day

Now there's a shine that you get In the barbershop

There's a shine that you get In the Pullman car

There's a shine that you get In the pool room

There's a shine that you get In the school room

But it doesn't matter where you get it

It'll do a lot of good if you let it

A little bit of polish will abolish What's bothering you

When there's a shine on your shoes

Melody in your heart Singable happy feeling

Wonderful!

Got a shine on my shoes Got a shine on my shoes

Got a shine on my shoes Got a shine on my shoes

Got a shine on my shoes Got a shine on my shoes

Got a shine on my shoes Got a shine on my shoes

Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes!

Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes!

I got a shine shoes Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes!

Shine, shine, shine, shine on my shoes

I got a shine on my shoes I got a shine on my shoes