Serpent's Lair

Yeah. Well I'm sure they would.

Yeah, two points above prime is better than I can do. Yeah.

Yeah. Let me ask you this. Does this broker possess the same charming smile that I do?

Of course not.

Thank you very much. Can I get you two tickets to Sunday's game?

- No. - I didn't think so.

One more question.

- Does this establishment require a bond? - A bond?

Yeah.

- Yeah. - Okay.

Now have you figured out if amount of money you are going to lose on...

interest on that bond is equal to the amount you stand to gain on points?

- Uh, not yet. - No? Well, I have. Yeah.

You stick with Tom Bennett and you're gonna gain twenty- two thousand dollars.

- Okay. I'll be there. - Okay. Thank you.

- Two tickets to Sunday's game and I got this deal. - Then it's a closed deal.

Now listen, get back on the phone and call Alex.

Look, I just got a tip from Lisa, you know, the chick...

I have been banging from Genex Properties?

She says she has got an apartment that is screaming...

with character the shit that Alex has been busting your chops about.

But it's gonna move fast we have a little time.

- Two minutes and I'll see you in the lobby. - Right.

That's your unit.

Absolute beauty. Come on.

They haven't even had a chance to fix the place up.

Well, guys...

Is this paradise?

Or is this paradise?

Now I know it's a little dirty.

But it's definitely got that character thing you two are always talking about, right?

It's got a lot of space.

Beautiful kitchen.

I think it's fantastic.

Oh... Oh. Don't say anything until we see the whole place.

Wait until you see the upstairs.

There is a huge hallway. Lots of extra room. A great bathroom.

See you guys in a second.

So what do you think? Don't worry about that. A coat of paint will take care of it.

- But what happened here? - Ah, Lisa said the former owner decided to call it quits.

Seems he went a little ga-ga and decided to cut the family jewels off.

He killed himself?

Well, yeah. It's the bad news but the good news is the place is great and...

if I wasn't doing it with the listing agent, we wouldn't be standing here.

The other good news is that it will go cheap. The bank wants to get rid of it quick. So we...

gotta move on it. Okay?

Now, listen, I'm late for a date so, you two lock up on the way out, and Tom...

you're gonna thank me later.

I wish I could stay longer and get things organized.

I don't know why you let his sister store his things in that bedroom upstairs.

The stuff stinks and this countertop, ughh!

All the crud gets caught in the middle of the tile. I think...

- I just think it's very, very, unsanitary. - Yes, mother.

Then, if you drop a glass, well, it's always gonna break on tile.

Not necessarily on formica. Here you go, love, I'm sorry it took so long.

Thank you.

You'll see what I'm saying.

Hello? Anybody home?

Em, I'm sorry. I'll think about it.

Okay, let's get started then. Well you know...

Hey!

What's your name?

We got our first visitor.

Hello!

- Oh! - You used to live here, huh?

Was this your home?

Think we should keep it?

Oh, no. Oh, no.

I don't think you should do that. You have to feed them every day...

and then clean that litter box.

Well, we were talkin' about starting a family.

It wasn't exactly what I was thinking about, but...

he sure is cute.

He is a she.

Oh! Our second guest.

- Hello? - Hello, hello.

I'm your neighbor.

The plate on my door reads Doctor Samuel Godard, but...

please call me Sam.

Tom Bennett, Sam. Come on in.

I hope I'm not being a nuisance coming here unannounced.

Guys, we have a visitor, our neighbor Sam.

This is my wife Alex.

- Alex. - Pleasure. Oh, thank you.

And her mother, Betty.

Hello...

Madame...

Why don't you have a seat, Sam? I'll get you a cup of coffee.

You know, I've got an appointment but, what the hell?

I'll only stay a minute.

Please...

have a seat.

Surely Tom must be joking.

You're much too young to have a daughter Alex's age.

Uh huh.

So, which apartment do you live in?

Upstairs. But I've always fancied this one.

You two guys are doing a wonderful job with it.

Well, that's Alex. She's the creative one.

So, you are the artist.

No. Not really.

I'm an art director for a design magazine.

Well, then you're an artist. I can't tell you how happy we all are that you moved in.

The last owner cast something of a dark shadow on the building.

Nothing, of course, that fresh faces can't erase.

Are you taking in this little devil?

I'm not a usual cat fancier, but this one I love.

What will you call it?

U... Uh we don't know yet.

Like animals, it will impose its personality.

The name will come easy.

Hi.

I'm Alex Bennett.

We're neighbors.

Hey.

Hey.

You're home early?

- So, I bought the kitty a little present. - A litter box?

Yeah.

So, have you met that guy that lives across the hall?

No.

- We just crossed paths in the lobby. - Hum hm?

So I stopped to introduce myself.

He just walks right by me.

It was kind of like he was afraid or something.

Nah, maybe he's just shy.

Or maybe he's just a loner or something.

Maybe he was late to work.

Maybe he didn't see you.

He saw me.

It's not funny. It's disgusting!

Hey. Come here. Why did you do that, huh?

Why did you do that?

St. Gilles is ravaged by the succubus.

This guy was into some weird stuff.

Hey!

You startled me.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I can't fix that faucet. I'll call the plumber tomorrow.

- Oh, good. Well, thanks for trying. - Well...

She's beautiful, eh?

- Yeah. - Bet you it's his girlfriend.

And this is probably his boyfriend. Busy guy.

- You're horrible... - Look at all this junk.

It's a mess.

A propane fuel cell. What was he doing with this?

- Maybe he used this when he cut off his "keek". - Tom.

I rather...

wonder about something else.

So would I.

Let's get out of here.

Fuck me...

Baby...

fuck me...

Fuck me...

Aren't you going to work?

I don't think so. I can hardly breathe.

Why don't you go see an allergist?

Why don't you get rid of the cat?

I will if you're allergic to it.

Well, I'm allergic to bloody rats on my pillow.

I'm telling you, that cat did it purposely, it's got some kind of agenda.

Agenda? Come on, Alex,

I told you, that's what cats do.

They bring their prey to their master. That's all the cat would do. Agenda?

Don't you think you're getting paranoid about that little kitty.

Maybe if you relax, the thing won't bug you.

- Relax? - Yeah.

Yeah. Well, it's hard to relax when my husband's screaming...

"fuck me, baby" in his sleep all night.

I mean we only had sex two hours before.

Wasn't it satisfying enough for you?

I thought we had already talked about that.

Why don't I just go to work?

And maybe by the time I get home...

- Yeah. - You'll feel a little better.

I'll see you later.

Fuck me, baby? Fuck me.

- Wow. - Wow is right.

What's wild is we just made love a couple of hours before that.

- And you're dreaming of banging some broad? - Yeah.

- You're not uh... - What? No, man. No.

How's the sex life?

What? You and Alex.

- Is the sex good? - It's great.

I do not know how you do it.

Do what?

Bang the same chick...

over and over again. I just...

You're a real poet. You know that, Mario?

Yeah, I know.

- But, how do you do it? - I love her. That's how I do it. It's simple.

That's beautiful, man.

But do you ever look around?

Check them out?

Oh, I had an allergy test when I was, I don't know, ten or so...

Excuse me.

I'm sorry. Um, Yeah. Okay. Fine.

Well, the sooner, the better.

Monday at ten?