Telenovela

Check here.

Operation "keep Ana in the dark" in effect.

Go, go, go!

Good morning.

Oh, your usual Six Venice and a shot of espresso.

- Thank you. - Okay, let's go the long way.

- Yeah, it's more scenic. - Okay.

- You looking amazing. - Well...

- Roses for my rose. - Oh, thank you.

That's so swe-- Ah. Ah. Thorns.

I accidentally ordered this

in your size, you want it?

Mimi, you stole for me?

That means so much.

Oh, hi

Meet you kissing scene co-star for today.

- You have a very nice-- - Thank you.

Yeah.

I know.

And look...

- puppies! - Oh, my God!

Oh, this is like the best day ever!

Who's Xavi kissing?

- Damn it, she knows. - I-- I-- I...

That music wasn't in my head?

Nope.

You forgot to lower the blinds, Gael.

I had to wrangle the hot guy.

I can't do everything at once.

So is that Xavi's girlfriend?

Yeah, that's Kelly.

They've been dating for like four months.

Every time she's come by we've distracted you from seeing them.

Oh, I thought it was strange that day you said

I had a black widow infestation in my dressing room

and made me change in my car.

Well, that was real.

Look, we just didn't want you to feel weird

that Xavi has a serious girlfriend.

Oh, I can't believe you guys thought I cared about that.

Xavi and I have been over for years.

So you're okay?

Of course, I'm fine.

I don't need you to shield me

from Xavi's new relationship.

I don't need all that stuff.

Touch the dog and you die.

Hey, when is the funeral scene?

I have to untangle these bikinis.

Oh, that's next.

This is the fertility clinic mix-up reveal

where we find out who's carrying Gael's baby.

_

- Cut! -

Weird work, everybody.

We really doing this?

- What? - He's pregnant?

- Ow. - Come on, Isaac.

This is crazy even for telenovelas!

And last week my character ate a super-spicy pepper

and got x-ray vision.

Guys, telenovelas have always been

at the forefront of hot button social issues.

Gun control, same sex relationships,

wearing the right sized bra.

What we're doing here is groundbreaking.

Okay, fine, it was typo.

Roxie should've been pregnant.

Happy hour mojitos, a blessing and a curse.

_

That was good Spanish.

Well-timed and relevant to your surroundings.

I know, I've been taking Spanish lessons.

You could drop me in the middle of Mexico City and I'd be fine.

Okay, let's hear something.

Okay.

_

_

_

Wow, I am actually impressed.

I know!

What did I say?

Ana and Xavi?

Xavi and Ana?

Shut the front door.

Oh I know, I hate that new painting.

Oh them, ew, gross.

Oh, thank you it wasn't really you.

I don't think I could handle that.

I know, weird, huh?

Ana's stand-in is dating Xavi's stand-in.

You really thought that was me?

Please, I'd rather marry Gael and have a sexless marriage.

Sexless, I should've just said, "marriage," huh, am I right?

- Huh, is this thing on? -

- Oh, God. - Oh, I am-- Yeah, I guess it is.

Way to go, bro!

Oh, I love that guy.

So, I hear you have a new girlfriend.

Yeah Kelly. It's going really well.

I think she's good for me.

Oh yeah, Kelly does a Xavi good!

See, this is why I didn't tell you anything,

because I knew you'd make it weird.

What? Please, I'm the cool ex-wife.

Yeah, I should stop doing that.

So four months, huh?

Next week, I know this is cheesy

but I was thinking about getting her something nice to celebrate.

Like when we started dating, and you got me a shower curtain?

And the little rings that go with it.

Xavi, you're a horrible gift giver.

Well, I'm gonna get Kelly something really nice.

Like a flashlight.

First aid kit, jumper cables?

Wait, did you just clean out your car?

Yeah, then what should I get her?

I don't know, I just found out she existed five minutes ago.

Wait, you two should meet.

Then you could tell me what to get her.

- Would that be weird? - No, not at all.

Why don't you bring Kelly over tonight for dinner?

And we will have a nice, not weird meal together.

Just me, my ex-husband, his girlfriend, and my girlfriend.

That's gonna be awkward. Good luck.

Good luck to me?

She said, "girlfriend," clearly that means you.

Uh-uh, she said, "girl," that's gender specific.

Mimi, I'll see you at 8:00!

- Damn it. - Yes!

You know, this pregnancy story really got me thinking.

Yeah, me too.

If you had a baby,

where would it come out?

The bellybutton.

In the immortal words of Marisa Tomei,

"My biological clock is ticking like this."

You're a "My Cousin Vinny" fan?

I feel a connection to him.

We both have trouble saying youths.

You know another hard word to say?

Wed-nes-day.

I call it Tuesday part two.

No seriously guys, I can't stop thinking

what it be like to be a dad, to have a legacy.

I don't want the Suarez name to die with me.

My senior class had 24 Suarezes.

Three of them were named Rodrigo.

Dude, your name lives on.

I'm just think I'm ready for something more...

Than Hugo.

I want a child, a two legged one.

Maybe you already have a kid.

You have been with a lot of women.

I always use protection.

Though, the men in my family are very fertile.

I was conceived through a pair of jeans on the dance floor.

Gross.

Do you keep in touch with any of your former lovers?

All of them.

There was one who stopped returning my calls

ten years ago.

Maria Wilson.

And you never saw her again?

Well, she moved out of the city.

Though I saw her a few months later.

She had gained weight, mostly here.

Or she was pregnant with your baby!

Do you really think there's a chance

I could be someone's father?

You could have a bastard child!

- Fingers crossed! - Yeah!

So Kelly, what do you do for work?

I'm a pediatric nurse.

Oh, my God, me too!

I mean, on TV.

Pretty much the same thing.

Kelly volunteers at an animal rescue.

- Me too. - On TV.

She's also a licensed pilot--

- Me too! - On TV!

And a world class Samba dancer.

- Me too. - TV!

I feel like we have so much in common.

Did you also spend time in Mexico

with the Peace Corps?

Pretty much, yeah.

I mean, it was a spa weekend in Cabo,

but I am fluent in Spanish.

Quieres más, comida?

Sí, más pavo, por favor.

Okay.

- Mmm. -

- - Pavo?

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, turkey.

Thank you.