Breeders

[children screaming indistinctly in distance]

So are we still on for date night on Thursday?

Some mentally hot lasagne at The Roebuck?

Yeah. Great, sure.

Sure. Yes.

You say sure, but you don't sound very sure.

You don't think we're making progress in these sessions?

No... I mean, yes, we are.

Um.

Well, I try, you know?

I have a problem,

and we've talked

about "strategies" to deal with it.

But sometimes, parents get angry with their kids.

Do you know what I mean? Like, all parents.

Maybe not as much as me, but they do.

That is just a fact.

You put "strategies" in inverted commas.

I did, yes.

I find most of this stuff belongs in inverted commas,

to be honest.

That's just...

Jesus fucking Christ!

How many times do I have to tell you to be quiet?

Hey, can you turn it down please?

Sure.

Is that okay?

Yeah, thank you.

I'm working, so.

What birthday is this?

Don't you know? Yes.

Seven, I think.

Eight. Ah.

You're got a big one coming up, eh?

No, I know, Dad. I'm me.

Oh, you were eight.

Lukey, that was a good one.

Well, it was stressful and horrible,

but in retrospect, it was good.

I look really happy.

Big one coming up, right?

Yeah. I just said that.

I remember my 13th birthday.

I got a really nice camera, SLR,

and tickets to see Echo and the Bunnymen

at Brixton Academy.

What? Oh, my God.

I was at that gig.

Shit, no. Were you?

No, of course I wasn't, you plum.

'Cause I would've been six. Oh, fuck off.

Such a twat. Such a twat.

I hate all of you.

Don't disturb me again.

You should always remember your 13th birthday.

Snogged Terry Russell.

Sheesh. Well, sounds memorable.

We need a memorable present too.

Yeah. Well, I was thinking

what about a camera like I got?

No one his age has a camera. They just use their phones.

No, I know, but you get much better photographs

with a proper camera, don't you?

Or... or how about a guitar?

He had those few lessons.

He didn't get on with it at all though.

No, but that's because it was classical guitar,

and the bloke was making him hold it like a fucking lute.

I'm talking a Strat and an amp.

Yeah, okay, maybe.

He's about to become a teenager.

That is one of the most teenage-y things

or was... maybe still is?

He'd really like a new phone.

Another fucking... I know.

You don't remember a new phone, do you?

It's just the latest in a long line of forgettable phones.

If Luke gets a new phone, can I have his old one?

Okay.

"A" How did you get there?

And "B" I hope you weren't earwigging

on those other present ideas.

No, I only heard the phone. Honest.

And three... "C".

What? "C", not Three.

"C" No.

No phones until big school, Ava, we agreed.

You're too young.

Hey, didn't we agree?

Yeah, we did.

Yeah, and don't say that everyone else has one

'cause they haven't... Lily hasn't.

She does now.

Oh, Lily's parents caved?

Fucking cowards. No, I'm sorry, love.

You can spend the rest of your life on your phone

when you get to big school.

It would mean you'd always know where I am.

It would give you peace of mind.

Believe me, I won't have peace of mind

until some geezer in a black dress

is giving me the last rights.

Sorry, Ava.

There is no room for negotiation

on this one, all right?

Mm-kay.

Can I help you? Hey, yeah.

I'm just wanting to browse some semi-pro rigs really.

Not full-on professional,

but not Fisher Price idiot machines either.

Budget? Uh, 400.

Right.

To 800-ish. Uh, a grand.

That... that sort of figure.

Okay. Yeah.

So we got some room to maneuver.

Yeah, it's for my son's 13th birthday.

It's the age I was when I got my first proper camera.

Oh, right. You're a photographer.

Yeah. Yeah, I am.

Sorry, no I'm not. No.

These days, it's... it's just... Snaps through the phone.

But I used to be pretty good.

Yeah? Yeah!

I had an eye for composition, you know?

When I got my first good camera,

I'd take a bus over nto Richmond Park

and just sit theren for hours on my own

photographing birds, wildlife...

Clouds.

Got a picture inn an exhibition once.

Okay. Only local.

Thames News filmed it.

It didn't go out

because Prince Harryn had just been born,

and the main news overran.

And your son's interested in photography?

Not explicitly. No.

But I do feel it's something that he could really get into.

He's at that age where he's into everything

and nothing, you know?

Let's start with bthe Nikon D7500.

Yep.

Um... And that's this one?

That's this one, yeah. Yeah.

PE tomorrow? Potato peeler.

No, Tuesday.

Potato peeler.

Good, because your kit isn't washed yet.

Bookbag? On the table.

Got it. Found the potato peeler.

I know you were worried.

Right.

What's this note?

Fuck. What?

We owe £55 to After School Club.

No, we don't.

"Ava has been late leaving

every day this term."

These are late fees.

Ava, has Luke been late picking you up?

Has he?

Sometimes.

M-maybe, I think.

Well, I know he goes

to the park straight after school

'cause I follow him on my phone,

but he's under strict instructions to collect Ava.

Luke!

Up here now.

Have you been picking Ava up late?

Sometimes, yeah.

Every bloody day, mate. Not just sometimes.

I've got this.

It's gonna cost us £55 in late fees.

That is a lot of money.

Why can't Ava walk home on her own?

They'd let me.

They say it's fine 'cause I'm ten.

I don't need to be picked up.

Yeah, it's not that far. It is!

And it's through the Hedgefield Estate.

We want someone with her, and it's on your way.

I can't even believe that I am explaining this.

You will do as you're told.

Not asked?

No, mate. Fucking told.

You pick Ava up on time this week

Monday to Friday,

or you don't get your birthday present, understood?

Seriously, mate. Do you understand?

Yes. I do understand.

I'll get there on time.

So what are you doing in the park anyway?

Just hanging out with your mates?

Yeah. Doing what?

Mate, doing what? Talking?