The Ladykillers

Good morning.

- Good morning, Mr. Williams. - Good morning, ma'am.

- Good morning. - Morning, Mrs. Wilberforce.

Good morning, Mr. Brown.

- Morning, madam. - Good morning.

Fetch the superintendent.

Tell him it's Mrs. Wilberforce.

- Good morning, ma'am. - Good morning, sergeant.

Ah, good morning, Mrs. Wilberforce.

- How very nice to see you again. - Good morning, superintendent.

It's about my friend Amelia and the er... spaceship.

Spaceship?

That she saw in her garden last Wednesday afternoon.

Sheer... She hasn't seen it again?

She never saw it in the first place.

Oh, I'm very relieved to hear that.

On Wednesday in children's hour, they were doing a little play called

"visitors from other worlds".

Amelia had her wireless on.

It's obvious. She dropped off to sleep.

The whole thing was just a dream.

Amelia was so embarrassed.

She quite refused to come here to tell you herself.

- Well... - I do hope all sorts of official wheels

haven't been set in motion.

Now, you mustn't worry about that, ma'am.

I'm very grateful to you for this additional information.

Now, if you'll allow me, I'll see you to the door.

But as I was with her when she came to report it,

I thought it no more than my duty to come here and explain.

I must say, if there are any beings on other worlds,

I can't think why they'd want to come to our world, can you?

Now you mention it, ma'am, I can't either.

We seem so terribly overcrowded already, don't we?

It was different when I was a girl, quite different.

Superintendent.

Ah, your umbrella, ma'am. You left it behind.

I'm always leaving it.

I don't like it very much, really. Perhaps that's the reason.

Well, I won't keep you, superintendent.

Thank you very much for being so understanding.

Thank you, Mrs. Wilberforce, for being so helpful.

We're always more than pleased to see you.

Thank you.

Miss Whipple, has there been anyone about the advertisement?

I'm sorry...

Never mind.

Thank you all the same, miss Whipple.

Here we are. Come on then.

Come on. Here we are.

- All right. All right. - Pretty Polly.

All right, my dear.

I haven't been gone so very long, have I?

Oh, darling. Water. Oh.

Help, help!

J that's the time they long for... &

Help!

Hey, over here.

- Mrs. Wilberforce? - Yes?

I understand you have rooms to let.

Oh, the rooms, yes. Won't you come in, please?

Thank you.

- My name's Marcus. - How do you do, Mr. Marcus?

Yes, I have two, right back...

Yes, would you excuse me a moment while I put this away, please?

Oh, I'm afraid it's quite impossible

to make it hang evenly, professor Marcus,

because of the subsidence.

- Subsidence? - From the bombing.

- None of the pictures will. - You have no other lodgers?

Oh, no, the upper floors are no longer structurally sound.

But the two rooms at the rear, they're quite all right.

- Then you live here all alone? - Yes.

I think I should tell you, professor,

I'm unable to provide breakfast or early morning tea.

This is the sitting room.

And the bedroom is just down here.

These rooms do need an airing, don't they?

I'm afraid there's no proper service. And the view is, well...

Most exhilarating.

The rooms will suit me admirably, Mrs. Wilberforce.

On.

I shall move in tomorrow if that is convenient to you.

Tomorrow?

- Oh. - Hello.

What's that? Who's talking?

It's only general Gordon. He belonged to my late husband.

- I had four. - Husbands?

- No, parrots. And now ['ve only three. - Parrots.

There's one small point, Mrs. Wilberforce.

Some friends and I have formed a small musical group.

- Oh... - A string quintet, in fact.

Then you're a musician, a professor of music?

No, no, no. Merely an amateur, you understand.

But we have been looking for somewhere to practise.

- Now, would it be agreeable to you... - If you were to practise here?

Oh, professor Marcus, I should be delighted.

I've always loved music.

Now, if you'll come into my sitting room, I'll find you a key.

I've got a spare one here somewhere in my desk.

I'll let you have it. Then you can let yourself in,

should I happen to be out when you arrive.

You know, I shall be able to let my friends in of an evening.

They can come and go without disturbing you.

Oh, it wouldn't disturb me in the least.

I have very few friends.

It'll be very pleasant having someone in the house again.

Ah... these are my three little companions.

You see? This is general Gordon,

that's Admiral Beatty and this one is called...

Mildred.

I should like to pay a few weeks in advance.

- Three guineas, I think the... - No, no, no, please.

That will do quite well when you come tomorrow.

I shall have the rooms aired.

And if there's anything I can do, I do hope you won't hesitate to ask.

You are most kind.

And if I may say so,

you have a very curious and charming house.

Such pretty windows.

Thank you. I'm rather afraid the position...

I always think the windows are the eyes of a house.

And didn't someone say, "the eyes are the windows of the soul"?

I don't really know, but it's such a charming thought.

I do hope someone expressed it.

Well, au revoir.

- Good morning, professor Marcus. - Till tomorrow.

Oh...

Did you understand all that?

We're going to have a guest in the house.

J but I saw them last night having, oh, such a time

j in the twilight... j

All right, Mrs. Wilberforce. I'll answer it.

It must be my friends.

Ah, good evening, major Courtney.

Good evening, professor.

- I hope I'm not too early. - Not at all. Not at all.

Mrs. Wilberforce, may I present major Courtney?

How do you do, Mrs. Wilberforce? I'm honoured.

Come in, gentlemen. Come in.

- May I introduce Mr. Lawson? - How do you do, gentlemen? Mr. Lawson.

And Mr. Robinson. Mrs. Wilberforce.

- Mr. Robinson. - All right. Thank you.

- You're the cellist, Mr. Lawson? - Er... what, ma'am?

- He's the cellist. - Yeah. I'm the, er...

There's only Mr. Harvey to come. I think perhaps we might, erm...

- Go upstairs. - Yes. Yes.

- Excuse me, Mrs. Wilberforce. - Oh, I'm so sorry, major.

Here. What's all this about, doc?

Take out your instruments. Not "doc" this time, Harry.

"Professor".

Good evening, Mr. Harvey.

It is Mr. Harvey, isn't it?

Yes, it is Mr. Harvey.

Come in. Come in.

The others are all here.

Our Mrs. Wilberforce.

- The temperamental one. - Oh.

I do hope you'll be comfortable, gentlemen.

Upstairs.

And I do wish you well with your efforts.

Professor Marcus has told me so much about you.

I really must just tell you

how very happy I am to have you all here.

Thank you.

Who's she?

What does she mean you told her so much about us?

We supposed to make noises with these things?

- What kind of noises? - Who is she?

Not noises, one-round, music.

- I said, what does she mean, you... - Shh!

I tell you, it makes no sense.

If we have to have someone to bring out the money, let's get a professional.

- We'll bring it out ourselves. - Make a spectacular getaway, you mean.

At 70 miles an hour in the heart of London in broad daylight.

- We'll take it back into the station... - And send it out by train.

What any intelligent policeman would expect us to do.

You've quite a flair, Louis, for the obvious.

Can't you appreciate that Mrs. Wilberforce is not a mere appendage to my plan,

she's the very core of it.

- A lopsided old grandma. - Yeah.

How can we trust her to do it right if she don't even know what she's doing?

One-round?

Sweet little old lady like her,

it just don't seem right for her to be working with us on a stick-up caper.

I tell you, I don't like old ladies. I don't like having them around.

I can't stand them.

One-round!

I thought perhaps before you've all become too absorbed,

you and your guests might like a cup of tea.

Oh, you shouldn't.

You know, professor,

you didn't tell me the truth about yourself

and these other gentlemen.

You're not the least bit like amateurs.

You really must be professionals.

- You're every bit as good. - Not quite.

Though we are rather proud of Mr. Harvey's timbre.

And that pizzicato passage, Mr. Lawson... Quite delightful!

May I ask you where you studied?