Resident Alien

Previously on "Resident Alien..."

Real Harry killed Sam.

He was a bad man.

I'm producing a documentary

where experiencers share their stories.

Would you be interested in participating?

Oh, I couldn't.

There's a secret base in Wyoming.

If they took your alien baby,

that's where it would be.

No!

Please, save my son.

All right, here we go. Let's roll, please.

I'm Mike Richardson,

and I'm CEO of Dark Horse Media.

I grew up in Milwaukie, Oregon,

which is a suburb of Portland.

Every neighborhood in those days had a small,

little neighborhood grocery store,

and my mom used to send me down for nonessential things,

like bread and milk,

things that you just picked up on the fly.

My friend Duke lived about two houses up Edison,

on the opposite side of the street.

I hopped on my bike. Duke joined me.

And we rode down to the store, which was located on 30th.

On the way back, at the bottom of 34th,

we looked up in the sky,

and there's this big disc there,

about the size of my first, up in the sky.

And it was perfectly round, silent.

The outside was spinning. The center was stationary.

It was probably up in the air about 60 to 100 feet.

And we just got off our bikes and stood there

and watched it for a while.

You know, I tend to be a skeptic.

I need to find a logical reason for these things.

But this is something I can't really explain.

I don't-I have no idea what it-what it was.

I can only say what it is,

and it seems to be consistent

with our conception of what a flying saucer is.

What'd that thing ever do to you?

It's probably got a family,

little baby sliders running around,

looking for their daddy.

Stop!

You're gonna make me choke.

Mm, I need to see Harry soon.

He just got back from a, um...

Medical convention.

So did you take a look at that apartment I sent to you?

It's tiny.

Hello, it's got a hot tub.

Yeah, and no bedrooms,

with, like, a pullout couch and a wooden chair.

And a floor. Okay.

Oh, shit.

God, I thought she wasn't working today.

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

Hey. Hey.

Sup, Cheese?

So I just found out that I'm a few credits short

for my science elective.

And I was-I was wondering

if I could maybe have my old job at the clinic back.

Yeah, sure.

We could use the help. You could start right away.

Okay. I'll see you later, Cheese.

See ya. See ya.

Cheese? It's a long story.

Got nothing to do with cheese. Hmm.

Mm, just Harry,

eager to tell me about the medical convention.

Oh, excuse me.

Gosh, he is just really excited about medicine.

First, you need to know that

our people are not coming to kill everyone.

Why are they not coming?

Because it's too dangerous.

There is an alien race

that's planning to take over the Earth.

They're here, Harry.

What alien race?

You must be careful.

It's the Greys.

They've learned how to live on this planet,

and they have mastered hybridization.

There are Grey human hybrids all over the Earth.

And they're planning on taking over,

and they will succeed.

I was there.

I failed to protect the Earth,

and I watched it die.

And there is only one person who may have the resources

to stop the Greys,

an Air Force general named Eleanor McCallister.

But I killed her.

Do not make the same mistake.

She may be Earth's only hope.

Oh.

Also, I'm you from the future.

This is some crazy shit.

Do all alien babies on your planet do this?

No.

My Moesha is special.

Moesha?

You don't like it?

I'm trying out names.

Brad.

Hey!

Do not drink the toilet water, Jebidiah!

Okay, what did Goliath say?

Hybridized half-Grey, half-human?

The Greys, they are too spindly

to spend too much time in Earth's atmosphere.

So developing hybrids to take over the Earth,

that makes sense.

At least tell me you didn't kill that general.

No, I got the message in time.

I can hear you drinking!

I did not kill her.

Good. At least there's hope.

Um, okay, now we could work with her,

and then you could get rid of these Grey things.

I will not work with her. She is my enemy.

You heard Goliath. He tried to stop the Greys.

He failed. He is me.

So if I try, I will fail.

You are not a failure.

You have to do something.

You can't just let the Grey aliens

take over the Earth.

It is worse than failure. It is future failure.

It is guaranteed.

Well, I'll never get that image out of my head.

Okay, you're not gonna help the general save the world?

Then what? What are you going to do?

I will do what human failures do.

I will ignore my horrible life

by being a parent

and passing my resentments on to my children.

"Children"?

Can you keep it down? I am sleeping.

I adopted the Alien Tracker's son, Robert.

Oh, do not slam that door!

You are not sleeping this day away!

I'm signing you up for soccer practice.

Hey.

Hey, I know new budget's going in soon,

so I came by to see if there were any updates

on my requests.

Requests, yes. Let's see here, new pens.

Well, that's not it.

Oh, here it is.

Eight additional deputies,

four more patrol cars,

and body cams for everyone, including Cletus.

Well, of course Cletus,

'cause you know he got a temper on him,

so it he roughs somebody up, we need to know about it.

Seems like a lot. This is the bare minimum.

Hell, when we get that resort built,

we gonna need a new prison just for the prostitutes alone.

As a matter of fact, go ahead and put

"hooker jail" on that list for me.

Although, to be honest,

I'm not sure if that's the proper term anymore.

It's probably "sex worker jail."

You can put that down there 'cause you know hookers,

they love to use that modern terminology.

And I want to be as respectful as I can

to all them hard-working hoes out there.

Look, about the resort.

I'm no longer gonna support it.

What?

I think I was just so caught up

in trying to rebrand Patience away from being a murder town

that I... forgot how much I love it.

I don't want it to change.

Look, I don't expect you to understand.

I understand, if we don't get this resort,

there's gonna be riots, okay?

So now I need 30 officers. I need nine cars.

And I need a damn tank. Okay.

Well, I can give you one more deputy and...

this Hot Wheels car Max left in my office.

You got one of them loop-de-loop things

for it to go on, but you gotta make sure

it goes fast enough or else

it don't get past the loop-de-loop?

I can bring you one from home.

I'll take it.

I discovered my breastfeeding bra

did not work for feeding the baby.

I kept draining the teats myself.

Ten hamburgers.

Hope the monster baby's hungry.

Hello, Harry.

My name is Joseph.