The Carmichael Show

The Carmichael Show is taped in front of

a live studio audience.

Well, this is bad.

This is really, really bad.

No, it's not great.

You're sure the condom broke?

Oh, yeah, I'm sure the condom broke.

But could we maybe take a second to,

I don't know, celebrate this?

Celebrate?

Yeah, look, Maxine.

I've never broken a condom before.

It's my first time, and it's kind of a big deal for me.

And I feel, like, really strong right now.

This must be how Bruce Banner felt

when he became the Incredible Hulk.

Oh, calm down. I'm sure the condom was just expired.

So should I not buy condoms from The Dollar Store anymore?

Maxine, look.

I just want you to know that whatever you decide,

I'm on board, okay?

It's your body, it's your choice.

I'm just here to support you. There are no wrong answers.

And everything's going to be fine.

Yeah, I know we're going to be fine,

because we're going to go to CVS

and we're going to get a Plan B pill.

You don't know how happy that makes me.

God, emergency contraception is always the answer.

You're the best girlfriend ever, Maxine. Thank you.

Okay, let's go.

All right. Oh, man.

You know, I don't care if they ever cure cancer,

'cause science has done enough.

They cured pregnancy, and that's a hard thing to do.

It's so amazing... all we got to do is just take a pill.

We? We're not cutting the pill in half and going splitzies.

Fair enough.

It's the women's job to take the pill.

But it's the man's job to watch anxiously

and then check underneath your tongue.

Okay. Well, let's go.

All right.

I don't know, Maxine.

You sure we should go out? It's a pretty bad storm.

Like, you have to take it within the first 72 hours,

and the sooner you take it the more effective it is.

Plus, I am way more scared of the storm

that may be brewing in my uterus right now.

Fair enough.

I got to ask... how do you know so much about Plan B?

Because I'm an adult, Jerrod.

I'm an adult, too.

I broke a condom today.

God.

How can CVS close at a time like this?

Don't they know people are stuck out there

with no food or water or Plan B pills?

What the hell are y'all doing out here?

I don't know if you're aware of this,

but they got gale force winds out there.

Yeah, we went to CVS, but it shut down 'cause of the storm.

Yeah, tress are knocked down,

entire streets are flooded.

We could barely see more than a foot ahead of us,

so we had to stop here.

Joe, who are you talking to up there?

Jerrod and Maxine just walked in!

Don't they know about the gale force winds outside?

Yeah, Mom, we know about the gale force winds outside.

Yeah, we gotta get to the basement.

Dad, what are you grabbing your gun for?

Boy, you got to be prepared.

I'm I the only one that learned something from Katrina?

Hey, Mom, we got some sliced green beans,

uh, some cream of mushroom...

and some type of meat in a can.

I've seen Paula Deen do more with less.

I'm just glad that black people finally got the big picture

and they let her back on television.

If somebody stopped me from cooking

every time I used that word,

y'all would have starved to death.

Y'all plan on being down here for a long time?

Oh, yes. We could be down here a couple of days.

For a couple days?

We can't be stuck down here for a couple days.

Yeah, they can't keep the CVS closed for a couple days, right?

This is America.

CVS? What's so important at CVS that couldn't wait?

Okay, something's up right here.

Let's see what we got.

A couple rushing to CVS...

in the middle...

of a storm.

Look, Bobby. Save your energy.

Our business is our business,

and you're making Maxine and I very uncomfortable right now.

Oh, so Maxine's uncomfortable.

Uh-huh.

Dad, what was the last thing you rushed to CVS for?

My buddy Bernard texted me,

said he saw Cam Newton at the drug store.

So I came home,

threw my jersey on and grabbed my digital camera.

Head on over there, I went to the wrong CVS.

See, no, Jerrod is not into sports like that.

Yeah. Mom, what was the last thing you rushed to CVS for?

Cinnamon-flavored Trident.

But they didn't have any in stock, so I went over

to the cashier and I said, "Hey, you don't have

no cinnamon-flavored Trident. What's up with that?"

Well, she looked at me

like there was nothing she could do to help me.

She needed an attitude adjustment.

But Jerrod wouldn't rush to no CVS for no gum.

Pregnancy test. Maxine's pregnant.

Maxine, you pregnant?!

What? That's... What?

Oh, she pregnant paused. She's pregnant.

That's where the term comes from.

When you ask a pregnant woman if she's pregnant,

she pauses, thus... pregnant pause.

Well, if you're not going to tell us,

I'm going to have to take control of the situation.

I can always tell when somebody's pregnant,

just by touching their stomach.

Come here, Maxine.

No, I'm good.

Mom, weren't you banned from a church for doing this?

Jerrod, let your momma do her work.

You know she's got the gift.

What... (stammers)

Maxine ain't got no vibes.

I don't get nothing.

I ain't never met nobody that had no vibes.

Look, if you must know...

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you going to tell them?

I was just going to tell them the truth.

Well, how are you going to say it?

I don't know, I was probably going to use

the whole Incredible Hulk thing.

No, no. Let me... Let me do this.

Jerrod and I had a sexual accident.

Did you pull something, son?

'Cause I told you, you got to practice like you play.

Look, look.

There is a slight possibility that Maxine could be pregnant.

I knew it!

Jerrod, I hate when you

make me fish for information.

You know something, it makes me not trust you.

It makes me think you don't want us to be

as close as we should be, as brothers.

And that's on you.

Maxine, you're telling me I might be a grandmother.

Oh, wow! I got to sit down for this.

Grandma Cynthia.

Ooh, I know it's going to be hell

getting suitable hair products for the little mixed kid.

But I don't mind,

because I'm going to be taking care of a precious baby.

"Might" be pregnant.

Now, how far along are we talking?

I don't know. An hour?

An hour?

What kind of scare is that?

People scared too easy these days.

Look, times have changed.

There's nothing scary about this.

We just have to act fast.

Oh, yes, if you're expecting, we have to act really fast.

In fact, I got my old wedding gown

down here... you can use it, Maxine.

Hey, Jerrod, I'm going to be your best man, right?

We're not getting married, Bobby.

Look, that's fine if I'm not your best man,

but don't lie to me.

Don't lie.

Okay. Go, Jerrod. Oh.

Now, this has been over by the water heater

for what, 30 years.

Which accounts for its off-white color.

But I guess, uh,

given the circumstances, it's appropriate.

Look, the thought of having to get married

because of a pregnancy, that's archaic.

In fact, I kind of see the whole

concept of marriage as archaic.

It was created in a time when women were viewed as property.

Now, I don't need to be given away by my father

to the possession of another man

just so I can take his last name.

You mean like me?

Or my mother? Or her mother before her?

Yeah, Maxine.

If marriage isn't so great,

what have all these gay people

been fighting for all these years?

Are you saying