Guns for Hire (The Adventures of Beatle)

Ready? On'? I think it is.

Is it running?

Yeah, go. Wait, no, hang on, I'm not. Action!

So where should we start, you think'?

Just introduce yourself and tell me about your company.

You wanna do a push up or something?

- No. - OK.

OK.

Hi, I'm Beatle Boy... That's stupid, OK?

it's not, ifs cool. Do it again.

Hf, there, I'm Beetle Boyin, and I'm gonna be your guide

on the fascinating journey through the world of cold-blooded killing.

Tell me about yourself, Beetle.

Uh... ever want to kill somebody? I know I do.

Whoa, sorry.

Not a Hitman, you say. Well, that's not a problem.

Just follow the instructions in my easy to follow video, and you too. ..

Nah, that sounds weird.

- How many times do we have to do this? - What do you think? We got everything?

'Till I want to buy the video.

Hi, there, my name is Beetle Boyin,

and I'm here with the first ever of its kind,

instructional video for Hitmen.

Ever want to kill someone? I know I do.

It's easy, just follow the instructions in my video, and you, too,

can be a Hitman.

That was really good.

This is some really, really great stuff here, Beatle.

I mean it's just clown right entertaining all the way around.

You know What I like about it the most though?

That even though the footage is several years old.

There is no statue of limitations on murder.

You know What that is?

Let me jog your memory. Dead body.

In your loft about seven years ago.

No? Nothing?

Well, based on the evidence at the time, we couldn't charge you with a crime.

But that's all changed now hasn't it?

Still not ringing a bell, huh?

OK.

Maybe this will help.

Why don't you tell me about your relationship with Athena Glendon?

How about Carla Garret?

You care to explain that one to me?

So you don't wanna talk about Athena, you don't wanna talk about Carla?

Well, maybe we should talk about Kyle Sullivan? L-Hm'?

How bout we talk about the time when you knocked him unconscious?

Did your connection to Kyle kinda slip your mind

when you were giving your statement to the police?

Look we got him now, OK'?

And I gotta do everything I can to keep this guy locked up.

So here's the deal.

You tell me everything you know.

And I'll do What I can in getting this first degree murder charge reduced.

- Can I ask you a question, Randy? - It's Detective Hult.

Hmm. Do you see handcuffs on my wrists?

No.

OK, then. I think we can both agree that I am not under arrest. Correct?

And I think we both know that's because you can't charge me with anything.

Unless you can prove it.

Oh, I intend to, believe me, I do.

You see when we brought Kyle Sullivan down and we Went through his stuff.

I think you're gonna be surprised to know

that he had an awful lot of information lying around.

But What I think you're gonna be more surprised about Beatle?

Is that some of that evidence tells a very compelling story about you.

I like to call it, The Adventures of Beatle.

And it all begins April the 27th, 2006.

The day you met Athena Glendon.

Uh, wait, uh. It's four o'clock in the morning,

don't you think that you should, um, stay and just get some rest?

Gotta run. See you next week.

Shut... Shut up!

The red hot action starts tonight, at eight,

followed by an all new episode of...

Isn't that the truth Phil'?

- Well, folks, it's Thursday April 27th. - Thursday. Shit!

We have a foggy start this morning.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Shit. Shit!

Have a nice trip, buddy.

OK, so, What's the total for all the parking tickets?

What?

No. No, I'm still here.

Are you sure that's right? I mean...

I know it's eight tickets but you could feed a family of four

for three fucking months with that kind of money.

No, I'm not.

Don't get snippy with me. Ma'am.

According to Athena's bank statements at the time.

She had approximately negative $27.38 to her name.

But Athena didn't get the money from you did she? She got it from Kyle.

You know the guy that you beat the shit out of?

I really don't get Where you're going with this, Randy.

It's Detective Hult.

And Where I'm going is Kyle Sullivan.

So it's come to this has it?

- You know I'll pay you back. - I know you will, I know you will.

You realize, of course,

you're going to have to pay it back in more ways than one.

You know my situation, Kyle.

Yeah, well, I know if you were still managing the store for me

you wouldn't need to be borrowing any money.

Yeah, and from What I understand,

they give you free room and board in prison, so you're probably right.

Meanwhile, I have a regular legal job as a career

and my car is sort of an integral part of that.

- Ah. - You gonna help me, or not?

Why should I?

I don't know.

Kyle, why don't you think of it as workman's comp

for this krink in my neck I'm getting from looking the other Way.

Well, you know, Athena, I'd be happy to rub that out for you myself.

- Stop. - Oh, just calm clown, tootsie pops.

Sit clown.

Should I make it out to cash?

No, just to the city.

I don't have time to cash it. They are going to tow my car at three.

I'll call you tonight.

Next!

Hi, um... I have a boot on my car.

We don't take checks.

Oh, but, um... I just, I spoke to someone.

We don't take checks, people!

The lady on the phone.

We don't take checks.

The lady on the phone said you did.

I'm sorry but What do her DMV issues have to do with me?

I Want to talk about your doctor.

- Who? - Your shrink.

I Want to talk about Dr. Vanderark.

OK.

I would appreciate it if you would apologize to my secretary

before you leave today.

- Why? - I think you know why.

- Can I help you? - I very seriously doubt it.

You can't go in there, he's with a patient,

and you can not smoke!

There. Happy?

We'll come back to that.

So you were making trouble.

While Athena was having her own problems.

I mean What makes you think

that I have that kind of cash just lying around?

Does it seem like I've been lobotomized in the past six months?

Turn around. Turn around!

You know, you have a really nice ass, Athena.

You should think about wearing shorter dresses.

OK, you can turn around.

Now, why don't you take my oar,

you're gonna be coming back here anyway, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah, good.

OK. It's yours.

So she goes to this guy for cash and gets the keys to the car.

Uh-huh?

The oar that later breaks clown and bingo, he calls a tow truck, you!

A tow truck?

So now I'm a tow truck driver, not an assassin?

Well, every assassin has a cover, right?

Yes, and you were saying?

Oh, yeah. So, I Went to go kill this guy today, right.

And before I did, I sorta said that I thought that he might deserve it.

And then I got to thinking about it later and I realized that,

that wasn't really a very nice thing to say. So, I felt bad.

- I wanna stop you right there, Ronda. - Don't say it!

Let's not get distracted from the matter at hand.

Why do you insist on this fantasy of being an assassin?

- It's not a fantasy. It's true. - No. It's not.

Personally, I think an assassin sounds better than a tow truck driver.

So now you're admitting to being an assassin? Which is it?

You tell me.

Next.

I'm back. And I have cash now.

Eight hundred nineteen dollars, twenty-three cents.

Shit.

The meter...

I had to... I had to pay the meter I must have miscalculated. I...

This is all the money I have in the world, I had to borrow it to pay this.

So you have to pay the whole thing.

Are you serious? It's ten cents.

Sorry. You have to pay the whole thing.

You're not sorry.

Are you, you certainly should be. But you're not. Not at all are you?

- No. - Shit!

Next.

No. Is this funny, you think this is funny?

You... you think it's funny that my car

has a gaudy hunk of orange metal on it right now,

and the only Way for me to get it off before it gets towed

is to borrow $819 from a man I'm already indebted to

for the rest of my natural life?

You think it's funny that I got here first thing this morning?

I Waited two fricken hours only to have you to tell me

I have to have cash,

when I called before to make sure you take checks

and I was told that you do.

Is there some sort of humor in the fact

that it's now almost four o'clock in the afternoon

and for all I know you've towed my fucking car already,

and you can't help me out with ten fucking cents.

When I'm already paying $819 to you goddamn highway robber.