Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

Houston, this is Condor.

We are doing an E.V.A. of the payload.

We are about to present the module with...

What the...

Oh, my gentle Jesus.

Houston... we have a problem.

Launch procedure commence.

Oh, God!

And I'm spent.

Do you smoke after sex?

I don't know, baby. I never looked.

Oh, Austin!

What shall we do now?

Well, I've got an idea. Why don't we shag?

- Again? - Sure, baby.

We're only up to chapter eleven in the "Kama Sutra".

Don't you want to try the wheelbarrow...

or the praying donkey...

or the Chinese shag swing?

I'm going to get us some more champagne, jungle boy.

I'm going to get us some more champagne, jungle boy.

Are you OK?

I've never felt better, Austin.

All right, then.

I'm just gonna go watch a movie.

"In Like Flint." That's my favorite movie.

Vanessa.

What's going on?

I don't know what you mean, Austin.

I'm the same Vane...

You must be...

Tu imagination esta jugando con ti, querido.

Oh, my God!

You're a fembot!

No shit, Sherlock!

Machine gun jubblies?

How did I miss those, baby?

Perhaps next time you should try foreplay.

Right. Oh, my God!

Here's your wedding present, Mr. Powers.

A kamikaze bride from me...

Dr. Evil.

Oh, thank God.

I can't believe Vanessa...

my bride...

my one true love...

the woman who taught me the beauty of monogamy...

was a fembot all along.

Wait a tick.

That means I'm single again!

Oh, behave!

Yeah!

Yeah, baby, yeah!

Halt!

Yeah, baby, yeah!

Look!

How are you?

Good to see you.

What's that?

Yes. Yeah, that. Good one, man.

What's goin' on here?

Good to see you guys.

Good to see you.

Rabbis, how are you?

Nice meat.

Photo op.

L'chaim!

Yeah, baby.

Keep a close eye on that Kreplachistan situation.

Yes, sir.

Jerry! Jerry!

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

If you just joined us, today's topic is...

"My father is evil, and he wants to take over the world."

OK, let's meet Scott Evil.

Hi, Scott. Nice to have you with us.

Tell us about your father.

My dad is the head of a worldwide evil organization...

with aspirations of world domination.

Pretty serious stuff. Where is he now?

He's, like, cryogenically frozen...

orbiting the earth or something.

That's what you think.

We have a surprise for you.

Let's bring out Scott's father Dr. Evil!

What?

General, we've got a situation here.

What is it, Sergeant?

Hello, Scott.

Daddy's back.

How could you do this to me, on national television?

Well, throw me a frickin' bone here, Scott.

Why'd you run out on me?

Because you're not quite evil enough.

Well, it's true.

You're quasi-evil.

You're semi-evil.

You're the margarine of evil.

You're the Diet Coke of evil.

Just one calorie. Not evil enough.

What are you, some kind of freak?

- Shut up, you... - OK, come on.

I'll kick your... punk.

Bring it on, skanky...

All right, come on.

No one talks to my son like that. It's OK, Scott.

You mother...

You were born in your mother's...

I'm OK. All right.

You were born in your mother's...

I'll kill you both!

There you go!

Great!

I got your hood!

Settle down.

It's OK.

It's only a television show. Calm down.

I'm all right. I'm easy.

- Everything OK? - OK.

Get this jerk out of here.

I'll give you... piece of...

He's biting me!

The... is biting me!

The world is mine, you...

You've got mail.

Hello, Basil.

Hello, Austin. How was your honeymoon?

It turns out that Vanessa was a fembot.

Yes. We knew all along, sadly.

Anyway, I have a new assignment for you.

You're scheduled for a photo shoot...

and one of the models works for Dr. Evil.

Groovy, baby!

Shaguar, ho!

Show me to the models, baby.

Let the magic begin.

Who have we got today?

OK, great.

Austin Powers, I've heard a lot about you.

I'm Rebecca Romijn.

I don't believe I've had the pleasure.

Well, of course you haven't had...

the pleasure, Rebecca.

We just met, baby. Yeah.

Who are you, baby?

Ivana.

Ivana Humpalot.

Excuse me?

And Ivanna toilet made out of solid gold...

but it's just not in the cards, is it?

You know...

OK, everyone, let's get started.

Yes, beautiful. Feeling it!

Let's get some smiles. It's all in here.

That's it. Yes!

Let's let the inside out.

OK, you're an animal!

Yes, there we go.

You're a tiger!

You're Tony the Tiger!

You're grrreat!

Very good. Loving it.

Now you're a lemur.

Running as a pack.

We go left.

We go right.

There's a predator out of the jungle.

What's going on?

Burrow!

That's right, you're a lemur. That's all you've got.

You don't have sharp teeth capable of biting.

Make an interconnected series of tunnels like the Viet Cong.

And look.

I'm not even shooting you. It's crazy.

And I'm spent.

Right, that's a wrap, everyone.

Miss Humpalot.

Da, darling?

Shall we?

Give me moment, hmm?

Dr. Evil, several years ago...

we invested in a small Seattle-based coffee company.

Today Starbucks offers premium quality coffee...

at affordable prices.

De-lish!

If we shift our resources...

away from evil empires and towards Starbucks...

we can increase our profits five-fold.

Number Two, I make the decisions here, OK?

I demand a little respect.

Dr. Evil, you have a little of the...

Silence!

I will not tolerate your insolence!

Frau Farbissina, wie geht es ihnen?

Sehr gut, Herr Doktor.

How are things?

I have come to embrace the love that dare not speak its name.

To my right is my lover.

We met at the LPGA Tour.