The Big C

You're good.

I'm Mrs. Jamison,

by the way.

Yeah, I know.

Everybody knows.

I'm Greta.

Well...

Thanks for kicking my butt, Greta.

It's been a while since I worked up a sweat in a pool.

I'm on the swim team. I practice a lot.

Beats sitting on my butt,

waiting around for the new coach.

What happened to Mr. Gibson?

He quit 'cause his wife's job got relocated to Des Moines.

We're totally screwed.

Probably wasting my time trying to keep up with practice.

Team's going to majorly suck by the time they get somebody.

It's very kind of you to offer, but we'll find somebody.

I'm not offering. I'm applying.

Coaching the swim team is a tough job.

Getting up for practice at dawn, freezing your ass off.

Traveling to those out of town meets.

Are you sure you can handle that...

With everything you've got going on?

Oh, I can handle it.

I was captain of the swim team in high school.

I even got a nickname.

"The Tolke Torpedo."

I was kind of a big deal.

Kathy, we've been state champs for the past two years.

There'd be an awful lot of high expectations put on you.

Keep looking for another coach if you think you can find one.

Until then, let me get them back in the race.

If you need my resume, here it is:

I swam for the University of Minnesota for four years.

I had the team's best time in the 400 I.M.

And I throw a kick-ass victory party.

Well, we'll give it a shot.

Great!

I don't get this.

I don't know why I banished my old swimsuits to the basement.

Mom, you're the coach.

Okay, no one wants to see you in a bikini.

You never know when I might have to get in the water.

It wouldn't hurt to have a few extra swimsuit options.

I cannot wait till I can wear a bikini again.

I want to go to Cabo after the baby's born.

You're not going anywhere after the baby's born.

You're barely going to sleep.

Oh, my God, you have to add this one to your coach wardrobe.

It's cute, but in that bad-ass mofo kind of way.

Thank you, Mia.

- Nice medals, mom. - Yeah.

It's so cool that you were a jock.

Hey, why aren't you on the swim team?

You would look cute in a speedo.

They are totally doing it.

Look at them. Smell them.

They even smell like teen sex.

That is gross.

And I would know if something was going on.

Mia and I have actually become pretty close,

and I'm not picking up on the sex vibe from either of them.

Thank God.

My intuition begs to differ.

Mom's have instincts about these things.

You're not a mother yet.

When your baby is outside of your body,

then you can come talk to me.

Hey!

- That's a nice color on you. - Thanks.

Maybe I should have changed jobs sooner.

Thank you for the snack, Cathy.

Bye-bye, guys.

- See ya. - Bye.

They're are doing it every day.

Jeez, dad, can't you just

change before you leave work or something,

before the entire world sees you dressed like that?

Hey!

Your father works incredibly hard.

Maybe even as hard as you're working that attitude.

Grow up!

That's great.

Just when this crappy job couldn't get any worse,

now my son is ashamed of me.

Ha-ha.

What are those bathing suits for?

I'm coaching the swim team.

Coaching?

Seriously?

That's crazy.

Honey, you need to conserve your strength.

I want to use my strength to do things that make me happy.

Like swimming.

And besides,

this job pays an extra $5,000.

Wow!

That's like two scans

and a Mountain Dew in the waiting room.

What is this?

This is where our little bundle of joy,

slash anxiety,

is going to come into the world.

I'm just uh...checking for leaks.

I thought we agreed I was giving birth in a hospital.

A hospital yes.

Trapped on a gurney, and whacked out on painkillers, no.

I checked,

and we're allowed to bring in our own birthing pool.

Tell me you're not serious.

Let's, uh... Let's give it a try, okay?

Now?

Ooh.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah. Water's nice.

Come on in.

You're crazy.

Whoa!

See, doesn't that feel nice?

Just the way nature intended.

Are you going to get in the pool with me?

Sure, if you need me to.

Might even bring my swim noodle.

Everything looks better in 3-D, you know.

It's like music, sports.

Uh! Now that Lord of the Dance

has been released in 3-D,

tap dancing, seriously.

I have seen it. It is awesome.

It's like, it's like you're getting an Irish

lap dance or something.

It's unbelievable.

Thanks. We're gonna shop around.

Oh. All right, man.

Thanks for coming in.

- Hey, buddy. - Oh, hey Owen.

How you doin'?

Don't beat yourself up about losing that sale.

They were tough.

You'll get the hang of it...

When you've been here a little while.

Just finding my sea legs, boss.

That's cool.

Mikhail, what's up?

Mykailo.

- Owen? - What do you need, dude?

I wanted to see if I could switch this Saturday's shift

for something during the week.

Dude, I spent, like, hours doing the schedule.

You start pulling threads, it's gonna totally screw us up.

Okay, okay.

I'll be here.

He's a big pain in the ass for such a little turd, isn't he?

Yeah, could be worse though.

I could be home in Ukraine.

Huh. It's that bad in the Ukraine?

Ah, Ukraine is fine. I miss my family but

opportunity-wise, America kicks ass.

Right on.

Most people, working in shipping and receiving,

they're bitching 24-7.

I think the fact that you see it as an opportunity,

that is awesome, fella.

Yeah, an opportunity to get the fuck out

of shipping and receiving.

Wow!

Girls, gather round.

First off I just want to say how excited I am

about this year.

And I've made some preliminary assignments based on your times

from last year.

Pass these around.

So...everybody in the pool.

If you can walk and talk at the same time when you're done,

you are not working hard enough.

So give me six 100s.

75 swim, 25 kick.

Come on, stretch it out, stretch it out.

Keep you elbows up, Greta. And relax your hands.

Keep your elbows up, honey. You're doing great.

You must be Greta's dad.

Les Johnson. Nice to meet you.

You know, it's great that you're supporting your daughter,

but being her coach is kind of my job.

Sorry, coach, didn't mean to helicopter.

Just here to help.

I know. Me too.

The crazy thing is too much help can feel a lot like

- too much pressure. - Greta can handle it.

By the way, the old coach

used to have them warm up with drills.

Keeps their technique sharp for the whole workout.

I know what I'm doing.

Guess we'll find out.

Maybe it would be best if you wait in the parking lot.

Excuse me?

Actually, if all the parents could please wait for your kids

in your cars.

Don't worry. I have things covered here.