Stick

Can I interest anybody in a Pepsi or a beer or...

Actually, that's your only options.

No takers?

How you doin'?

Well, it would've been good to know that

we were gonna have another strange man with us for eight weeks.

- I understand. - Yeah.

I've known the guy for 30 years.

He's great. He's really sweet, I promise.

How we doing, Ricky?

- Love this guy. How old is he? - Hmm. Yeah.

- He's 18 years. - Eighteen.

How you doin', skipper?

You want me to take over the helm? You can stretch your legs.

- You never said anything about dogs. - I didn't know.

I mean, come on, they're so tiny we're not even gonna notice 'em.

And the old one back there, he might not even make it to next week.

Then there'll just be two.

We'll end up missing him.

Excuse me. Miss?

Elena. My name is Elena.

- Yeah. Elena... - Yeah.

...can you take the dog off the dinette? We eat there.

Ah.

Look who's talking.

Like he's so fancy.

I am fancy. Very fancy!

I worked construction in a former life. I hablo a little bit.

- Ah, okay. Ya. - Gracias. Ya.

Hey, let's play I Spy.

You guys want to?

Would that be fun?

Or actually, no, we could do the license plate game.

Or maybe punch buggy?

That one gets intense.

Or you wanna just play Russian roulette?

And I'll go first.

Pretty good.

Hey, maybe try to keep your weight forward and stay tall,

'cause that'll help you clip it off the turf.

Nice.

Question.

What do you do when you get in a slump?

What d... What do you mean?

You know, when things go sideways and you need to snap out of it.

You know, like if you get negative.

I don't know.

Come on. Everybody has something.

Elena,

what do you do when you need to calm down?

I drink.

Besides that.

I think of the beach. And drinking on it.

See? Perfect visualization.

When your mom gets overwhelmed, she goes to her happy place.

The beach. And alcohol.

- For me, it's music. -

When things get dark, I start singing "Cecilia" in my head.

What's Cecilia?

"Cecilia," by Simon and Garfunkel.

It's one of the greatest feel-good songs of all time.

When I was playing, and I'd start to kind of spin out,

to calm down I'd sing "Cecilia."

Cortisol levels drop.

System begins to relax.

Negative loop broken.

I defy anyone to listen to "Cecilia" and stay in a bad mood.

You can't do it. It's not possible.

- I'll play it for you sometime. - "Cecilia."

Julito. Julio.

Come on, girls.

Julio.

What's so funny?

Look what we've done to the wolves.

- - Ricky's not a wolf.

He's a Chihuahua mix.

All dogs are descended from wolves,

and I bet they had no idea they'd be wearing sweaters

and carried around like handbags.

Your fly's open.

Descended from monkeys.

Why did we stop?

We're here.

Where's the hotel?

What hotel?

The hotel we're staying in.

No, we're not staying in a hotel. Why do you think we have an RV?

Well, I assumed y-you two lived in it?

No. Mitts owns a home.

I once lived in a home.

No, no, this will be good for camaraderie.

We get campfires and s'mores and kumbaya.

Look, Mitts and I will take the bunks and you guys take the big bed.

Whoa. Wait a minute.

That's a Tempur-Pedic Cloud back there, and I need it for my lumbar.

I know, but you can just put a pillow behind your back.

I have sciatica. What the hell's a pillow gonna do?

Pryce, I'm not sleeping or showering in a crappy RV with two strange men.

Whoa, whoa. This is not a crappy RV.

It was voted motor coach of the year in 2006.

Elena, why would you spend your money on a hotel when we have beds here?

Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not spending money. You are.

My money's a little tied up right now.

In case you forgot, I just wrote you a pretty sizable check.

You're like the richest person in here.

- Yeah, but Pryce, that was our deal. -

Do you not remember our deal? I said pay for our travel expenses.

Yeah. I meant, like, snacks, magazines, and dinners with no appetizers.

I'm not sleeping with my mom, guys.

It's a beautiful RV.

This RV has the highest resale value of any class A motor coach on the market,

- thank you. - I don't care.

I'm not sleeping in here. Okay?

There's a DoubleTree a few miles back, and I want to go there.

- There's a DoubleTree? - Yeah.

Absolutely not.

- But it's a DoubleTree. - Not happening, Pryce.

Well, welcome back, Mr. Dandry.

I see you have some four-legged friends with you.

- Well, of our pet-friendly rooms... - Hey.

...we have a junior suite.

Yeah. Don't need a suite.

Well, the suites come with a kitchenette.

Don't need a kitchenette.

Mmm. Kitchenette could be nice.

We have a courtyard room with a view of the pool.

Don't need a courtyard. Don't need a view. Just a bed.

- Two beds. - Two beds.

Well, would you be interested in upgrading...

- No. - No.

No. Just the room, four walls. That's it.

Please.

See? Solutions.

That's why they say the Pryce is right.

Okay, get some rest. We gotta tee off at high noon.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Good night.

Okay.

Today is going to be a walk in the park.

This place is made for your game.

Fairways are long and collecting.

- Mm-hmm. - Back nine's mostly downhill.

- You'll have... - Which is good, so what do I win?

Actually, today we don't worry about winning or losing.

- We're just gonna get the juices flowing. - Okay.

- Hmm. - What?

- Oh. - Yeah.

- Open your arms, mi amor . Yeah. - What's this?

Maybe I should get a little hit of whatever that is.

That is palo santo wood.

She used to do this before every tourney.

- Mm-hmm. - Cleans the energy, gets the vibe right.

- Yeah. It connects us to our ancestors. - I like it.

- - Smells like a Dead show.

Feel like it's summoning birdies and eagles.

- It is. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Okay. So, just to recap, just have fun. No pressure.

Just gonna deice the wings.

Goddamn it!

You okay?

- What's wrong? - What's the matter?

Her dog got into the storage box and pissed.

Smells like a fuckin' kennel in here.

And how do you know it was one of my dogs?

Did you climb into the box and piss?

No, I don't think so. So it must've been one of your dogs.

Probably that Mister Rogers mutt with his dumb sweater.

- Just relax, all right? -

We can deal with it later. Mitts, we need to sign in.

You go. I gotta take care of this before it sets.

Good idea. Yeah.

Anything I can do?

For starters you could maybe house train your mutts.

Aside from that, how about getting me some club soda

so I can get the stink out before it sets?

A "please" would be nice.

Welcome to this year's Sparkling Meadows championship.

Today's tournament is a shotgun start.

Kathy has your pairings over at the table.

And a big shout-out to Chuck Gray, our last year's winner.

All right. Play well. Play timely. And, uh, have fun.

You want to head out to the first tee, stretch a little?

- I'll meet you out there. - Yeah. Okay.

Take some putts too.

Ooh.

Hi. What can I get you?

Hi. Strange request.

I have a... a little situation happening in a motor home.

Can I buy a pitcher of club soda from you?

Uh, yeah, sure. Just give me one minute.

What's that beautiful thing you're making?

This is a birdie bellini.

So it's prosecco, peach puree, and Malfy gin.

I'ma have one of those while I wait.

- Yes, ma'am. -

- Yeah. -

Excuse me, honey. How we looking on that round?

Give me one minute.

- Another minute? -

Golf bros.