The Muse

This evening we are very proud to honor a gentleman

who's written over 17 motion pictures.

Many of them having dealt with the human condition.

This gentleman was nominated for an Academy Award in 1993

for his motion picture, McCormick Place.

Tonight, along with the other distinguished artists,

we are proud to award this year's Humanitarian Prize

to Mr. Steven Phillips!

Congratulations.

Thank you very much.

You know, I would not even be here tonight if it wasn't for my family.

My beautiful wife, Laura,

my daughters, Mary and Julie.

Without their love and support, God knows, I...

I'm sure I would be down on Western Avenue in some seedy bar.

Not that I'm not going there anyway.

It's just I'll drop you guys off first.

Being a screenwriter in Hollywood

is... It's a lot like being a eunuch in an orgy.

The only difference is, the eunuchs get to watch

and I'm not even invited to the set.

I really don't know how to thank you.

I... I do appreciate it.

As soon as I get home, I'm going to put this up there

on the mantel with the other ones,

and that will make a total of two.

Thank you very much. And I'm king of the room!

Thank you.

This looks like a penis.

What did you say? What?

Where did you learn that word?

From Howard Stern.

You're not supposed to be listening to him.

Why is she listening to him?

No more FM. That's off-limits to you.

They say that word on AM, too.

Then no more radio of any kind.

Never listen to the radio again.

What's wrong with "penis"?

I don't want to hear that word, girls.

Unless we're in a doctor's office.

That word is off-limits to the family.

So, when do you start shooting the new one?

Well, first they have to give me a go,

and then they'll do the casting.

What's a go?

It's when they say "yes," sweetheart.

When do you think you'll hear?

I should have heard already. Probably this week.

So, who is going to be in it?

I don't know.

Can I star in the movie, Daddy?

Yes, darling, as soon as you're an older man.

Good night. Good night.

Congratulations, Daddy. I love you.

I love you. I'm so happy you were there.

Me, too.

It was really important to me. Don't stay up too late.

Okay.

Good night, baby.

Daddy, what exactly is a humanitarian?

It's someone who's never won the Oscar.

Go to sleep.

Hello, hello. Hello.

Josh read your script, and he's ready to see you.

How did he sound?

He sounded great.

Hey, Steven. Come on in.

Oh. Nice. Nice couch.

Did you see Saving Private Ryan?

No, I didn't.

That's the couch they used in the picture.

Oh.

I love to get props before anybody else does.

You know, it's sort of like a collecting thing.

Someday all this stuff is going to be worth a fortune.

Gee, does Paramount let you take all this stuff when you leave here?

Who says I'm leaving here?

No, I just meant if.

I'll worry about that when the time comes.

Did you eat?

No. Well, you know, had a little Jell-O.

Come on. I'll treat you to lunch.

Oh, great.

Is that blood?

Hey, congratulations on that humanitarian thing.

Thank you. You make it sound so important.

What was that for exactly?

What do you mean?

Was it for this year?

Oh, it wasn't for any particular year. It was for a career.

Well, it's wonderful.

You had a great career.

What do you mean "had"?

I'm still having it, aren't I?

I read your script.

And?

Well, let me put this in a form that isn't insulting.

Because I tend to be too direct.

All my friends tell me that.

The script's no good.

That's the form that's not insulting?

What would the insulting form be?

Good one.

What are you doing?

Oh, I write down lines I like. I like that line.

Yeah, I think that's called stealing.

So, what's wrong with the script? I don't understand.

I think what's wrong with the script is you.

It was not that the script, per se, is bad.

You know, it's flat.

It feels like it's been done before.

Well, it has been done before. Right.

It's an action movie. It's been done a million times,

but you guys keep making them, so here's a good one.

Josh. How's it going?

Hey, Lorenzo, I was just talking about you.

Lorenzo Lamas, Steven Phillips.

Hey. Nice to meet you.

Hey, hey. I'm halfway through your script. It's brilliant.

Thank you.

I'll call you tomorrow. Really great work.

Wow. Thank you so much.

Nice meeting you.

Yeah.

So, give me notes. I'll fix whatever's wrong.

It's beyond notes.

Oh, nothing's beyond notes. I'm a writer.

What do you want done?

Listen to me.

Did you ever stop and think

maybe you're at that point in your life

where you should be heading in a new direction?

What?

I read in the Wall Street Journal

where everybody has at least three careers.

Did you read that?

No. Well...

Possibly, writing is something you shouldn't do anymore.

I mean, maybe you're heading for your third career.

I never had a second career.

Okay, you're heading for your second career.

No, I'm not heading for anything.

I'm a damn good writer. I just got a major award.

What, the Humanitarian Award?

Please. Everybody gets that. That's nothing.

Oh, thank you, Josh.

You know, I couldn't put my finger on exactly what the award was.

I just think you've lost your edge.

I see.

Okay.

So you guys don't want to make this movie.

You'll give to me in turn around,

I'll make it somewhere else.

That's not exactly what I'm trying to say.

I don't think your deal here is going to work out.

What?

We don't want to keep rejecting your work

just to fill a three-picture deal.

You know, go. Go take some time off.

Get your edge back. It'll be good for your head.

Oh, please don't tell me what's good for my head.

I can't afford to take time off.

I have a family. I have to make an income.

That's not our problem.

I can't believe that all of this happened over one script.

Oh, it wasn't just one script.

I mean, we were all a little disappointed in your last picture.

Everybody said it did well.

Everybody lied.

Hello, Josh.

Hey, Jennifer.

You never called me. What happened?

Oh, I thought I did.

No, no. You never called me.

Oh, well, Jennifer Tilly, this is...

I don't want to meet any more people

at this moment in my life.

Just do what you need to do.

Fine. Listen, I'll call you tomorrow.

I promise.

You promise?

You have my word.

Isn't Josh a doll?

Oh, yeah. No, he is really a doll.

He's a regular little Chucky.

So, just cut to the chase.

Just what exactly are you telling me?

We'd like you out of here by 5:00.

What?

It would really help us out.

Brian De Palma needs your office.

What? You can't give Brian De Palma my office.

Well, it's not really your office.

I mean, we're all just using space here.

You know, I'm where Lucille Ball used to be.

Huh. Too bad you're not where she is now.

Good one.

You write that down, I'll cut off your head.

Yeah, I knew that's what