American Gods

Don't fight gravity, Shadow.

We're the coming thing.

They threatened to reprogram reality.

Is that what this is?

You are pretending

you cannot believe in impossible things.

Are you still my puppy?

No.

If all of this is real,

and TVs talk and hammers bleed,

and if there's a world under a world...

We have no business with you.

You say merger,

I hear war.

I'm not your enemy.

- Amen. - Amen.

Amen.

What the hell was that in there?

Marilyn Monroe just floats into a fucking room

then massacred a station full of cops

and just left us in the middle of it.

And then I get stabbed by Charlie Brown's Christmas tree.

- What are they? - It's hard to quantify.

Motherfucker. You never just answer a fucking question.

It's not a question, Shadow.

A question would be "What do you believe you saw?"

I don't know what I believe.

They killed those cops.

A warning to me, a sacrifice to them.

Sacrifice?

Like what, f-for... for a god?

What's a god?

Can we even know they exist?

People believe things,

which means they're real.

That means we know they exist.

So what came first, gods or the people who believed in them?

All right, so...

where was all this before I met you?

On the periphery, just outside,

there's always a window,

but people are frightened to look through it.

Safer in the prison cell.

We're not safe now.

No. We're not.

Who are you?

If I told you, you wouldn't believe me.

I believe in something.

I saw my wife.

Tonight.

She, uh...

she was waiting for me in my room.

She came back... alive.

Dead.

Oh?

Well, your wife obviously has a temper.

Not used to not getting her way, huh?

She apologize for her actions in life?

Sort of.

Your dearly departed has departed,

and I suggest we do the same.

Maybe she's coming back. Okay?

Maybe we should wait.

Maybe she was never here.

Was she a ghost?

I mean, do you think you saw a ghost?

No, because she was...

she was solid, okay?

I touched her. Sh-She... She kissed me.

So your dead wife showed up.

You scared?

Yeah, a little.

You know, you're not questioning any of this.

I'm questioning everything right now.

I'm not so young nor so narrow

to assume that the dead are dead

and there's no spectrum of spectral in between.

In my experience, the dead that aren't

rarely come back without purpose.

I don't know what her purpose was.

To let you go. Now get in.

Now you've seen who's after us,

and you know what they're capable of.

You can hang around here if you want,

but I'm getting out of here.

Shadow!

Fuck!

Where the fuck is my car?

Excuse me.

Where's my fucking car?

Police were looking at a car.

They thought it belonged to the dead woman.

Yes, it does belong to the dead woman.

I am the dead woman. Where's my fucking car?

- Police towed it. - Where are the police?

Isn't this a crime scene? Shouldn't they be all over this?

The police are dead.

First piece of luck I've had in days.

Hi.

The police are dead?

All of them? All of the police are dead?

Worse things out tonight than you.

Do you have a car?

Yes. I do.

Well, chop-chop, Ginger Minge, let's go.

Isn't she lovely?

Which one's yours?

Pick one.

Ah, for fuck's sake. That one.

Ahem.

Get it started. I'll take it from there.

Well, you're not taking it anywhere, dead wife,

not without me,

not until that coin is back in my pocket

- where it belongs. - Good fucking luck with that.

No, this one, not that one.

That alarm I can't do anything about.

This alarm I can. This alarm's my friend.

Well, then steal me a different fucking car.

I don't want to drive this shitty old taxi.

I'm driving. You're in the back.

This car's a toilet.

It's your toilet now, dead wife.

I've done the math.

This times that equals you're a cunt,

divided by the only way I'm going to get what I need

is if you give it to me,

equals the only way you're going to give it to me

is if you don't need it.

Like my friend Jesus Christ,

the only thing you need, dead wife...

is resurrection.

Did you just name drop Jesus Christ

like you know a guy who knows a guy?

I do know a guy who knows a guy,

and the guy sitting next to that guy is your guy.

And who's this guy your guy knows?

Someone who can perform a resurrection

without the use of a charmed coin.

And you're just going to convince this guy

to bring me back to life?

I can be very convincing.

Fuck.

Is this you being convincing now?

Because you suck at it,

unless you're trying to convince me you're an asshole.

I'm trying to convince you to live.

Real living, not whatever rot living this is.

'Cause whatever this is doesn't last long,

especially through a hot summer.

Whatever this is goes to soup,

and soup don't win her husband back,

if that's what soup is after.

Why don't you put that on your fucking scales and weigh it?

What the fuck are you?

I mean, what the fuck are any of you?

But first, tell me what the fuck are you.

Seriously, what the fuck are you?

I'm a leprechaun.

Oh, well, that makes sense.

- Does it now? - No!

Please stop stealing my cab.

Did you say you are a leprechaun?

Yes.

Have you ever met a jinn?

Looking for a jinn, are you now?

I have been traveling in the direction of Mecca for days

looking for a jinn.

Fire for eyes, shit for brains?

Yes.

And no, presumably.

My luck's for shit.

I'd rather not be behind the wheel.

Good. I'll drive.

Yeah. You'll drive.

You'll drive into a fucking tree

first chance you get.

Take us to Kentucky.

I'll tell you where to find your jinn.

I'll tell you where to find a whole murder of gods,

demi and otherwise, every goddamn one of them.

I'll tell you.

Once we're in Kentucky.

You're confused.

No, I can see that. I can understand that.

Usually when the grieving reach the bargaining stage,

they find that avenue fruitless

and go straight on to depression.

But you, you've had your fucking bargain,

and are loathe to go back to grieving.

Consider this.

The dead, when they come back, are tenacious little bastards

and hang on until they're done,

and then they're gone.

Hey! Hey!

I know a charm that could lift grief from a grieving heart.

Do you know a charm that can stop bleeding?

No, I do. And I know a charm that can cure your sickness and pain.

I know a charm that can turn away the weapons of enemies.

I know a charm that can heal with a touch.