The Devil and the Daylong Brothers

Hey Ish,

do you recall what kind of reprobates

I hate the most this-- this here life?

Blasphemers and whoremongers.

Worser.

Mormons?

Violent misogynists.

Hmm.

Better be praying to Christ, you ain't talking to me.

Christ stopped taking up our prayers a long time ago.

Just this one time.

You say that every time.

You been awful quiet through this ruckus?

Usually at this part, there's a mess of crying

and bargaining.

I figure I used up all my bargaining.

No way I'm gonna outpace fate.

Well, I'll be.

This one's smarter than a flick of a tit in winter.

But one request

before I go violently into that good night.

Please, tell my family--

Excuse me.

Y'all lucky we ain't a couple of murderers out marauding.

Else you'd be carcasses about now.

Ain't murderers?

You just executed my cousin!

Don't be ignant.

All we's executed was his contracts.

Now, don't-- don't-- don't kill me.

I said we ain't

m-- m-- m-- m-- m-- m-- murderers.

Murderers kill 'cause they want to.

Suckin' up some kind of pre-verted pleasure from it.

Me and my brothers are killers, 'cause we got to.

There ain't no pleasure in it.

Now, my little brother here

would be giddy as a dead pig in sunshine

to put a quiet pill between your eyes.

But that kind of sick fun sounds an awful lot

like something a murderer would do, don't it?

And we ain't murderers.

Horse shit!

You're the goddamn devil hisself.

Who's gonna take him?

You mind if I take this one?

It's Abe's turn.

-It's all yours. -It's your turn.

Don't go interruptin' me this time.

Okay. On three.

One...

We're the goddamn Daylong Brothers.

We got three different mamas and the same sumbitch daddy

who sold our eternal souls to the devil

before we was even born.

And we're rainin' down holy terror to get 'em back.

And anyone--

And anyone standin' in our way will be scoopin' dirt--

-Ishmael! -Or screamin' for hell!

You can't help, but be a goddamn bastard!

Don't blaspheme, you Philistine!

You just cut right in. And say what you want.

Of course not! I got the flick knife thing--

With the gun and whatnot!

But you're dumb to notice!

Little crumb-snatcher swiped my keys.

Now, Enoch, who's drivin'?

-Me. -You don't got your gloves on.

I'll hold the keys while you get your gloves.

- Slow down! - All right.

Slow down!

Just got to hate this catiwampus outhouse!

Don't blaspheme this here vehicle.

If you're never gonna do us in,

this cockamamie coffin is gonna spew us

into a goddamn blasted ditch!

- Don't be cursin'! - I'm not cursin'!

I'm just expressin' myself.

- Why don't you fix the car? - It is fixed.

That ain't fixed!

The crossroads? - Yeah.

I'll be there in a jiffy.

Well, do it better or somethin'!

Oh.

He comin' or what?

All's I'm sayin' is, we've gutted fish before, right?

Now, granted,

they're a little smaller than what we're talkin' about.

But it's like the same thing.

The good book says whale.

I ain't never seen whale guts before, have you?

Well, all's I'm sayin' is

that there's not much room in there, boys.

You comin' off like a harebrained heretic.

I'ma sure visit you in hell.

Oh, you gonna be roastin' right next to me, you stupid dingus!

Mornin', fellas.

Spot of car trouble, have ya?

Yeah, I know somebody I can call.

Huh. For you, anything.

Oh!

My three wise malingering men, yeah.

They give me gifts as fine as turkey!

Oh!

Did he who made the lamb make thee?

By our count

this here's all but the last of them.

I can't help but feel an ever-so-slight

twinge of sentimentality

as we near the end of our bountiful partnership.

One is left wonderin', however,

as to how you might apply your particular talents

once our arrangement comes to a close.

This isn't it exactly the occupation of the redeemed, is it?

Hunting and murdering the damned.

Ah!

We ain't murderers, you slippery mung.

- That's right. - Apologies.

What I meant to say was crusaders on a righteous quest.

Crusaders?

Ah.

Huh.

Well, that goes down real smooth.

All right, boys.

We are nearing our grand finale.

Only one solitary damned soul left to slaughter.

I'll hit my quota

and you will have what you so desperately yearn for.

The worst villain of them all.

Dear old Dad.

Huh?

He was only a boy, you know.

Just a boy the night he shook that fiery hand.

Enjoy yourselves, boys.

I'mma fill his skull with daylight.

Oh would I like to talk to you about some stuff.

Oh my!

What blessing has the Lord

chosen to bestow upon me this day?

This New Hope?

You'll have to forgive my little brother here.

He's crippled in a way a walking cane can't help.

No, I ain't!

Jesus, God damn--

Don't blaspheme.

Your face.

Oh.

Uh, are you boys hungry?

I got some leftovers in there from this morning's potluck.

Got some of Mrs. Watson's Brunswick stew

that'll just make your taste buds

think the angels are dancing on 'em.

You planning on doing some digging?

Um...

I've been known to move grave dirt in my past life.

Might could lend you a hand.

Oh, um...

Do I know you boys from somewheres?

Never been one for church-going,

but you have got a beautiful house of worship here.

Real secluded like.

You was right, Enoch.

Double barrel behind the door.

Fancy one, too.

Don't you just love being right, Reverend?

I had a deal!

Well, the devil's calling the debt.

Gotta read the fine print.

Aah!

Hand me your belt.

Fork no. Use your own.

Hang in there, Rev.

Don't want you leaking out just yet.

Whoa! Easy there, brother.

No need to go off the script. We got him by the curlies.

No need rushing.

Rev, you've been busier

than a one-armed monkey with two jimmies.

Rapin' and clobberin' these sweet little congregates

will keep you busy till rapture.

How did you find me?

The devil keeps track of his own.