Nip/Tuck - Second Season

* AHH *

* MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL *

* MAKE ME

A PERFECT SOUL,

A PERFECT MIND,

A PERFECT FACE,

A PERFECT

LIFE *

Christian: TELL ME WHAT YOU

DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.

Sean: YOU KNOW WHAT? ABSOLUTELY

NOTHING. BUSINESS IS BOOMING, I

LOVE MY WIFE AND SHE LOVES ME.

KIDS ARE HEALTHY. IT'S EXACTLY

HOW I ALWAYS PICTURED TODAY

FEELING.

Christian: IS THAT WHY YOU WERE

CHECKING FOR JOWL DROOP AND

IN MR. TOASTY?

FACE IT, PARTNER. THERE'S

NOTHING THAT'S GOING TO STOP

YOUR BODY FROM SCREAMING, "I'M

40" FROM THE HIGHEST ROOFTOP.

WAIT...ACTUALLY, THERE IS

SOMETHING.

* HAPPY BIRTHDAY *

OPEN IT UP.

BOTOX.

Sean: I DON'T NEED THIS.

Christian: YEAH, YOU DO. I'VE

BEEN SHOOTING MY FOREHEAD FULL

OF IT FOR MONTHS.

FACE IT, SEAN. WE ARE NOT

COLLEGE KIDS ANYMORE. YOUR

HAIRLINE'S UP, AND YOUR ASS

IS DOWN.

Sean: I'LL BE SURE TO PUT THAT

ON YOUR 40th BIRTHDAY CARD IN A

COUPLE OF WEEKS.

Christian: WE'RE PLASTIC

SURGEONS, SEAN, THE LITERAL

FACES OF THIS BUSINESS. LOOKING

OUR AGE IS AS BAD AS HAVING A

STAINED CARPET IN THE WAITING

ROOM. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A FAT

PERSONAL TRAINER?

Sean: BUT WE DON'T LOOK OUR AGE,

CHRISTIAN. WITH ADVANCES IN

NUTRITION AND EXERCISE, 40 IS

THE NEW 30.

Christian: YOU SELL YOUTH FOR A

LIVING, DR. McNAMARA.

SO STOP BEING SUCH A HYPOCRITE

AND TILT YOUR HEAD BACK.

FROWN.

Sean: COME ON.

Christian: BEING AS SMOOTH AS A

BABY'S BUTT IS GOING TO DELAY

YOUR INEVITABLE MID-LIFE CRISIS.

Sean: THAT WAS LAST YEAR,

REMEMBER? THANKS, CHRISTIAN,

REALLY. BUT I PLAN ON SPENDING

MY FORTIES AGING GRACEFULLY AND

EXPLORING WHAT'S INSIDE.

LET'S GO.

JULIA'S GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU

BRING ME LATE TO MY OWN SURPRISE

BIRTHDAY PARTY.

Christian: YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?

Sean: WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED ALMOST

20 YEARS, NOTHING IS A SURPRISE

ANYMORE.

Christian: CAN YOU AT LEAST TRY

TO LOOK SURPRISED...FOR HER?

Sean: YET ANOTHER REASON NOT TO

DO THE BOTOX.

All: SURPRISE!

Liz: WHOO!

* SOMEONE TO HOLD YOU TIGHT,

THAT WOULD BE VERY NICE,

SOMEONE TO LOVE YOU RIGHT,

THAT WOULD BE VERY NICE,

SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND,

INSTEAD OF DREAMING... *

Sean: GREAT PARTY.

Julia: HMM.

Sean: HOW'D YOU PULL THIS THING

OFF WITHOUT ME FINDING OUT?

Julia: HA HA. COME ON, YOU KNEW.

Sean: I WAS TOTALLY IN THE DARK.

GOT ANY OTHER BIRTHDAY SURPRISES

FOR ME?

Julia: MY MOTHER IS COMING.

Liz: SURPRISE!

Julia: I TRIED TO STOP HER, BUT

SHE INSISTED. APPARENTLY, I

DISTANCED HER FROM FAMILY

BECAUSE I SEE HER AS A THREAT.

Liz: HELL, I'M THREATENED BY

HER, AND I'VE ONLY SEEN HER

HOCKING HER BOOKS ON CHARLIE

ROSE.

Christian: YOU'RE JUST GONNA

HAVE TO COME TO TERMS WITH THE

FACT THAT YOUR MOTHER IS A FORCE

OF NATURE, JULIA. REMEMBER AT

YOUR WEDDING? SHE LOOKED HOT FOR

A BROAD IN HER FORTIES.

AND, AS THEY SAY, THE APPLE

DOESN'T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE.

Liz: OH, NICE SAVE.

Julia: I HAVE NO IDEA WHY SHE'S

COMING OR HOW LONG SHE'S STAYING

BECAUSE SHE'S A RAGING

NARCISSIST, AND SO JUST ASSUMES

WE'LL ALL ADJUST TO HER

SCHEDULE.

Sean: HONEY, HONEY, IT'S OK.

YOU'RE THE ONE SHE DRIVES CRAZY,

NOT ME. SO I'LL RUN

INTERFERENCE. COURSE, IT'S NOT

THE SURPRISE I WAS HOPING FOR.

Gina: WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY.

Christian: WHAT NOW?

Gina: I NEED YOU TO NURSE.

Christian: I'M SORRY?

Gina: MY TITS ARE RIPE, AND THIS

BLOUSE IS SILK. STAINS ARE

FOREVER. I NEED YOU TO

SUCK IT UP.

Christian: THAT'S DISGUSTING!

Gina: OH, QUIT BEING SUCH A

DRAMA QUEEN, CHRISTIAN. IT

TASTES JUST LIKE SUGAR WATER.

SEE? MMM.

Christian: YOU'RE SICK.

Gina: NO, CHRISTIAN, I AM A

FRAZZLED WORKING MOTHER WHO

FORGOT HER BREAST PUMP.

Christian: LOOK, I'VE BEEN VERY

CLEAR WITH YOU. THERE WILL BE NO

SUCKAGE OF ANY KIND ANYMORE.

OUR RELATIONSHIP FROM NOW ON IS

STRICTLY PARENTAL. NEITHER YOU

NOR FATHERHOOD IS HOLDING ME

HOSTAGE. IN OTHER WORDS, MILK

THEM YOURSELF, HEIDI.

Gina: I AM NOT A COW, CHRISTIAN.

THEY'RE TOO TENDER TO MANHANDLE.

Christian: JESUS, YOUR NIPPLES

ARE THE SIZE OF PIE PLATES.

Gina: WELL, IF MY MILK DUCTS GET

SWOLLEN, I'LL PASS ANY INFECTION

OFF TO WILBUR.

Christian: I'M NOT SWALLOWING.

Gina: WHY NOT? I DO.

Julia: WANT SOME MILK WITH

YOUR CAKE?

Christian: NO THANKS.

* LOOKIN' BACK ON WHEN I

WAS A LITTLE NAPPY-HEADED BOY *

* WHEN MY ONLY WORRY

WAS FOR CHRISTMAS

WHAT WOULD BE MY TOY *

* EVEN THOUGH WE SOMETIMES

WOULD NOT GET A THING,

WE WERE HAPPY WITH THE JOY

THE DAY WOULD BRING

I WISH THOSE DAYS COULD

COME BACK ONCE MORE,

WHY DID THOSE DAYS

EVER HAVE TO GO?

I WISH THOSE DAYS COULD

COME BACK ONCE MORE,

WHY DID THOSE DAYS

EVER HAVE TO GO?

"CAUSE I LOVE THEM SO,

DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO

DO DO DO DO DO,

DO DO DO DO

DO DO DO DO DO DO,

BROTHER SAID HE'S TELLIN'

'BOUT YOU PLAYIN' DOCTOR

WITH THAT GIRL *

* JUST DON'T TELL

AND I'LL GIVE YOU

ANYTHING YOU WANT

IN THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD *

* MAMA GIVES YOU MONEY

FOR SUNDAY SCHOOL,

YOU TRADE YOURS FOR CANDY

AFTER CHURCH IS THROUGH,

SMOKIN' CIGARETTES

AND WRITIN' SOMETHING NASTY

ON THE WALL *

* YOU NASTY BOY,

TEACHER SENDS YOU TO

THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE

DOWN THE HALL *

Christian: NERVOUS, BUDDY?