Life with Father

Well, these are certainly the cleanest steps

on Madison Avenue.

That's how Mr. Day wants them kept.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- You're new here, aren't you? - Just this mornin'.

This is the way Mr. Day gets his milk.

Giddap.

Annie, be careful of this dish. You could burn your hands.

And keep the cover on till you're ready to serve them.

- Mr. Day likes his muffins hot. - I'll do that.

Annie, is the table set for breakfast?

'Yes, ma'am.'

Good mornin', ma'am.

Good morning, Annie. How are you getting along?

Alright, ma'am, I hope.

Now don't be nervous just because this is your first day.

Everything's going to be alright.

But I do hope nothing goes wrong.

Oh, no, Annie. The cream and sugar go down at this end.

Oh, I thought in the center, ma'am

everyone could reach them easy.

- Mr. Day sits here. - Oh, excuse me.

I didn't know where to place the napkins, ma'am.

You can tell by the rings. The boys have their initials.

C for Clarence. He sits here.

J for John, here.

W for Whitney. He sits over there next to his father.

And the one with a little dog on it

is Harlan's, of course.

He's the baby.

This narrow plain one is mine

and this is Mr. Day's.

It's just like mine except that it got bent...one morning.

That reminds me, Annie.

Always have Mr. Day's coffee piping hot.

And whenever Mr. Day speaks to you, just say yes sir.

Don't be nervous. You'll get used to him.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, that beautiful rubber plant.

I'm so glad it came.

You mustn't water it every day.

Too much moisture makes it very unhappy.

Oh, good morning, mother.

I thought you were still upstairs.

'Good morning, Clarence.'

Father must be talking to himself.

A redhead.

- Did you sleep well, mother? - Yes, thank you, dear.

Golly, I'm hungry.

Oh, and, Annie, we always start with fruit in the morning.

Except the two younger boys who have their porridge and milk.

'Jiminy, another wreck on the New Haven.'

That always disturbs the stock market.

Father won't like that.

I do wish the New Haven would stop having wrecks.

If they knew how it upsets your father.

My soul and body! Clarence, what's happened to your coat?

Oh, it ripped open again.

Margaret mended it for me

but it wouldn't stay mended.

Oh, dear, I'll just have to speak

to your father about a new suit of clothes.

Clarence, why did you take

my H2SO4 out of our clothes closet?

'I've told you a hundred times'

'that closet's not to make experiments in.'

Two?

Good morning, mother.

John, have you been making those chemical smells again?

No, mother, I'm making an electric battery.

It will ring a bell and everything.

You know your father doesn't like electricity.

But, mother, everything's going to be electricity.

- Not in this house. - 'Oh, God!'

What's the matter, Clare? What's wrong?

- 'Where's my necktie?' - Which necktie?

'The one I gave you yesterday.'

It isn't pressed yet. I forgot to give it to Margaret.

'I told you distinctly I wanted to wear that necktie today.'

You've got plenty of neckties.

Put on another one right away and come down to breakfast.

'I don't know what this world's coming to.'

Mother, may I have my breakfast early?

I'm going to play baseball.

Three?

Whitney, before you leave the house

you have to study your catechism.

But, mother, they're going to let me pitch today.

Good morning.

- Who won? - The Giants, 7 to 3.

- Buck Ewing hit a home run. - Let me see.

Boys, don't wrinkle the paper before your father sees it.

Mother, could you ask me my catechism now?

- I think I know it. - Well, let's see.

- Ah, what is your name? - Whitney Benjamin.

- Who gave you your-- - 'Here I come!'

Come and help me down, mother.

There are steps to come down on.

- Good morning, darling. - Good morning, mother.

- How's your finger? - It itches.

Good. That's a sign it's getting better.

Come along.

Four!

Let's see. What was I doing?

Oh, yes, the catechism.

Who gave you your name?

My sponsors at baptism

wherein I was made a member of Christ

the child of God

and an inheritor of the kingdom of heaven.

Mother, if I hadn't been baptized

wouldn't I have any name?

Not in the sight of the church.

What did your sponsors then for you?

They did promise and vow three things in my name.

First, that I should renounce the devil and all of his..

'And secondly..'

'...secondly, that I believe'

'all the articles of the Christian faith.'

And thirdly, that I should keep

God's holy will and commandments

'and walk in the same all the days of my--'

Morning, boys. Morning.

- Good morning, father. - Good morning, father.

Morning, Vinnie. Had a good night?

- Yes, thank you, Clare. - Good.

Sit down, boys.

What's that thing doing in here?

Clare, that's our new rubber plant.

Place for rubber plants is on the equator.

Uh, take that object out, Catherine.

- You're not Catherine. - No, sir.

Good. Never liked Catherine, anyway.

Put it somewhere else, Annie, but not too near a window.

Yes, ma'am.

Sit down, Harlan.

Thank you, dear.

Where did that dog come from?

She'll leave, mother. I'll talk to her.

What did you say?

Oh, Clare, that new suit looks very nice.

You've put on a little weight, dear.

I weigh just the same as I always have.

Well, Clarence has just managed to ruin

the only decent suit he has.

I'm sorry, but I'm afraid he'll need a new suit of clothes.

Vinnie, Clarence has to learn

not to be so hard on his clothes.

But, father, I thought--

You're starting Yale in the fall.

You'll be completely outfitted.

But nothing this summer.

Can I have one of your old suits cut down for me?

Every suit I own still has plenty of wear in it.

I wear my clothes until they're worn out.

Well, if you want your clothes worn out

Clarence can wear them out much faster than you can.

Yes, and, father, you never get a chance to wear yours out.

Every time you get a new batch of clothes

mother sends the old ones to the missionary barrel.

I guess I'm just as good as any old missionary.

Clarence, before you compare yourself to a missionary

'remember the sacrifices they make.'

Oh, I don't know, Vinnie.

I think my clothes would look better on Clarence

than on some Hottentot.

Have that, uh, dark suit of mine cut down to fit you.

Well, thank you, father.

One of father's suits. Thank you, sir.

In return for that, Clarence

I want you to practice more often on your violin.

Whitney, don't eat so fast.

Well, father, I'm going to pitch today.

But before I go, I have to study my catechism.

What do you bother with that for?

Because if he doesn't know his catechism

he can't be confirmed.

But, Vinnie, Whitney's going to pitch today.

He can be confirmed any old time.

Clare, sometimes it seems to me you don't care

whether your children get to heaven or not.

Oh, Whitney will get to heaven alright.

I'll be there before you are, Whitney.

I'll see that you get in.

And, Whitney, when we get to heaven

we'll organize a baseball team of our own.

- Good. - Hmm.

Be just like you to try and run things up there.

Well, from all I've heard about heaven

it seems to be a pretty unbusiness-like place.

They could probably use a good man like me.

What makes you so sure they'll let you in to heaven?

Well, if they don't, I'll certainly raise

a devil of a row.

Clare, I do hope you'll behave when you get to heaven.

Now, Vinnie, what..

Vinnie, how many times have I asked you not to engage a maid

who doesn't know how to serve properly?

Clare, can't you see she's new and doing her best?

How can I serve myself when she's holding that platter