Angie Tribeca

These armadillos are getting to be a goddamn menace.

Why don't they just build cars out of armadillo skin?

Well, shit, Larry.

That's a million-dollar idea you got there.

It'd be a real shame if someone... stole it from ya.

Someone's coming.

Afternoon, boys.

I appreciate your service,

but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take it from here.

Fine by us.

I said, I'm gonna take it from here!

I've recently been handed a rather bleak diagnosis

and may not have much longer on this earth,

so I thought to myself, what a perfect time to adopt a baby.

What's going on here?

What is the Special Division Force?

I told you, we take on cases...

I know what the official explanation is,

but I want to know what we're really doing.

Right now, our only job is to follow

the orders of the Vice President.

Vice President Perry?

The man who not only threw me into jail

but whose administration has been plagued by scandal

since he was elected?

He's no John Nance Garner,

but he's the only Vice President we've got!

John Nance Garner?

He's barely Schuyler Colfax.

Sir, how do we know if we're even the good guys?

Tribeca, look me in the eye.

We are the good guys.

I stole the dead teacher from the cops.

Now what?

His name is Charlie Clef.

Come on, Hoffman. Sorry, Murphy.

Above your pay grade.

He was a beloved computer science teacher

at Freddie Prinze Junior Senior High School in Amarillo, Texas.

He was also the most prolific distributor

of malware and computer exploits in the Northern Hemisphere.

His clients included terrorist organizations,

hostile foreign governments,

and people who want to see celebrities naked.

So now he's dead. End of story, right?

Wrong. Beginning of story.

Clef had just put the finishing touches

on a particularly damaging computer virus.

The kind of thing that shuts down power grids

and publishes your browsing history.

So now he's dead. End of story, right?

Wrong!

Middle of story!

His death provides us with a unique opportunity

to take his place and flush out a high-profile buyer

who recently expressed interest in...

What was the name of the virus?

LamarModem.

Tribeca will impersonate Clef

and try to make contact with the buyer

while the rest of us infiltrate the high school genre

in supporting roles.

I have one question.

One sec.

Any questions? Uh, yes.

Will you be taking questions?

At the end. Anything else?

Is Vice President Perry a crook?

I am warning you, Tribeca!

Now get to Prosthetics for your disguise fitting!

Yes, sir.

Hey. What the hell is with you?

Don't talk to me like that.

I didn't raise you to be disrespectful.

You didn't raise me at all.

So it didn't come from me.

Look, I-I read your autobiography, okay?

I know that you're a lone wolf that...

That doesn't trust the system,

but I care about what we're doing,

and I expect you to care about it, too.

Maybe I'll care if I can figure out

if we're actually fighting for the right side.

Oh, okay, well, that's just great.

Well, you know what?

Besides my birth, this is the first thing you

and I have done as mother and son.

And if that's not enough for you to care about this,

then I guess it's high time

I pick up a few bad habits

and fall in with the wrong crowd.

Let's do this.

You were born Charles John Jacob Jingleheimer Clef

in Plano, Texas, on December 12, 1961.

As an only child, you craved your parents' approval,

and as an adult, you seek that approval from your students.

Your intellectual proclivities unfulfilled

by the banal environment of secondary education,

you turned to the more challenging world

of malevolent software programming.

Favorite food... pizza.

Let's see what we got.

Perfect. Wow.

This is going to take some getting used to.

Now, remember, kids are very different nowadays.

They're very confident, they're sex-positive,

they're body-positive.

And some of them have unwarranted high self-esteem.

If it's so unwarranted, why am I so great?

Good luck, Tribeca.

Or should I say...?

Mr. Clef?

Yes, Delroy?

I can't get my subroutine to run.

Looks like there's a parsing error in line 19.

What's the error? Well, if I told you that...

You wouldn't be teaching, you'd be telling. I wouldn't be teaching, I'd be telling.

That's right.

All right, everybody, websites are due Friday.

Mr. C., can I... No, Tommy, you cannot have an extension.

You're the best, Mr. C.

Charo, Scholls, you're geniuses.

This is going to be a piece of cake.

I knew it.

Come on, Mr. Clef, we're gonna be late for practice.

What practice?

You're so funny, Mr. C.

Glee Club practice.

You're the coach.

We've got a problem.

It's a beautiful day for football practice

as the Freddie Prinze Junior Senior High squad

runs their plays against a mock defense.

But the team's in some hot water this week

after a local paper ran an editorial

suggesting that their team name

was offensive to Native Americans.

I don't know how they got there from Drunken Injuns,

but, hey, I'm just a football fan.

No! Jesus!

Eleven, get your ass over here!

It's a simple read option!

You look for the hole!

If it's not there, you pitch to the running back!

Durphy wasn't in position...

I don't want to hear about Durphy!

His parents are divorcing!

He may be a step behind for a while!

Your dad cheated on your mom, so she's kicking him out.

But that's not your fault, so don't take that on.

Thanks, Coach.

Hit the showers, buddy.

Now run it again!

This time with your head on the outside of your ass!

Yes, sir.

This is Coach.

Oh, hey, Coach.

It's Mr. Clef,

who, when he's not busy selling malware,

apparently runs the Glee Club.

Damn it!

How did we not see that coming?

I don't know, but I did not study up

on anything but computer science.

I don't know anything about F sharps and G minuses.

Look, Tribeca, we are here

to stop the spread of computer viruses,

so you just hang on until you get contacted by the buyer.

And then we will tell the kids their teacher is dead

and we will get the hell out of here.

Fine.

All right, everyone.

Well, obviously I know your names, but maybe just for fun,

you guys can sing your name

and then the thing you're gonna overcome before the big concert.

We don't need to hear from everyone.

All right, so, should we, uh,

pick it up from where we left off last practice?

Last practice you said that you were going to write

a brand-new song for us to try.

I did. I did.

Okay. Um, and yes, here it is.

I hope that you like it.

Oh, my God.

I love it.

All right, great.

All right, should we try it?

Okay. And a one and a two and a...

My water just broke!