The King Is Dead!

Otto!

Open inspection!

I don't think so.

It doesn't feel right, somehow.

Only people who like garlic as neighbours.

They're the best neighbours to have.

We're here. The train station's there.

No more than five minute's walk.

The bus routes are there and there. About six or seven, I think.

Let's walk it and see.

- Hiya. - Hi.

- Hello. - Hello.

There, that's six and a half minutes again.

Fingers crossed.

King! Wakey-wakey!

This'll wake him.

Wassup, motherfucker!

King!

- King home? - Yeah, course he is.

King!

So you bought the place, hey?

Yeah.

Otto.

I'm a chef.

My wife's Maria.

In the corporate world. Executive assistant.

Max, science teacher. Therese, tax accountant.

Looks like the men do all the cooking.

You know, bubble, bubble.

I see.

Hello!

Maria, this is Max.

They're the ones. They bought the place.

You are the only ones who ever said 'Hi'.

You wouldn't believe it, but everyone else always ignored us.

We were hoping you'd be the ones.

Just met the neighbours on this side. They seem really nice.

Otto and Maria.

Otto's Mr. Have-A-Chat.

A good balance then!

What?

Nice on one side and very interesting on the other.

Careful you don't cut yourself on the fence there.

I'm sitting on my slippery dip.

Hmm.

I'm Therese, your new neighbour.

I know that.

And you are?

Mirabelle. But you don't have to call me that.

- No? - No.

And what should I call you?

Maybe we should start on the lower branches,

open it up underneath.

For some native grasses, maybe.

- Yeah. - OK.

I'll do the Acacias, you do the Casuarinas

and we should do the Grevilleas together.

- Sounds like a plan. - Mmm.

I think I've just seen a drug deal go down.

What?

Don't worry. That's not the worst of it.

I've had to call the cops a number of times.

You wouldn't believe the racket some nights.

Mmm, I sort of feel safer this way.

You know - if we maintain good relations with them,

they'll keep an eye out on the place.

Know they're on to a good thing with us as neighbours.

Yeah.

You want a cup of tea?

Yes, please.

It sounds like someone's getting murdered.

Mmm.

Maybe we should call the cops.

No, amphetamines. They're out of control, but it sounds worse than it is.

The ice sends them...

How do you know so much about it?

A broken window.

Mmm. Two broken windows.

A big night.

Don't you work?

No, no, no. We have jobs.

We're just on holidays.

Can I come over then?

Maybe you should ask your mum or your dad.

I already did.

You'll have to lift me over.

Are you sure you're allowed?

She did ask, but only if it's OK with you.

- Yeah! - Of course it is.

Come on, monkey.

Thanks. But send her back as soon as you're sick of her.

She'll be fine.

Psst! Psst!

Psst! Hey!

I'm King. I'm your neighbour.

Hi, I'm Max. This is Therese.

Yeah, doin' the garden nice, hey?

Yeah, we're trying. Probably do some planting next weekend.

Put some more natives in. And once they're established...

...no watering. - Look, gotta go. Nice talking to ya.

I still can't believe it. He just ignored me.

Well, he was talking to the patriarch. Women don't rate in his paradigm.

Max, it's as if I wasn't even there.

Look!

Another drug deal.

How would you know?

I'm a tax accountant. I know the criminal mind.

More like you have one.

It's bad enough for us. It must be impossible for you.

Oh, no. No worries.

We're pretty tolerant.

Yep, best neighbours on one side, most interesting on the other.

- Tell him. - What?

Well, Mirabelle and I were talking about the possibility

of a magic door in the fence.

- Can we, Mum? - Yep.

The matriarch paradigm.

It would help if he played a different song.

He's been trying to learn the words.

Really?

That's actually quite nice, then.

Yeah. He's got a creative streak.

Thank God for that.

Just means that somebody called the cops.

That's all.

Seven, eight... And it's just lying there.

Don't show Otto. He'll be up for it.

Could be the police arrived and they ditched it over the fence.

Yeah, Otto called them again last night.

I'll take that. I'll put it in the compost bin.

Oh!

Oh, hello.

When are we gonna make the magic door?

Let them in? You let them two fuckin' cops into your house?

Should've said, 'Where's your fuckin' warrant, you cunts?'

Should've fuckin' shot 'em dead! Boom! Dead!

I would've grabbed him by the fuckin' hair!

I don't care if one of them was bald.

I would've grabbed him by his fuckin' skull then!

Then I would've let 'em have it! Fuck them right up the arse!

Right up the fuckin' arse!

- Then I would've fuckin' shot the cunt! - You're full of shit.

Fuckin' give it to you up the arse!

- I'm sure you'd love to, hey, buddy? - Actually, I would.

I reckon he's been in jail.

Who?

The big bloke who's around all the time.

- Shrek. - What?

Well, in my mind, I call him 'Shrek'.

He reminds me of the Shrek. In physical appearance only.

What about the other one? The mean-looking one.

He seems to think he's some big, South American drug boss,

on his mobile all the time.

- 'Escobar', then. - Who?

I thought you might know a little bit about that.

What?!

Escobar, South American drug lord.

You sound like Trivial Pursuit.

Well, I'm a teacher.

I'm meant to know these things.

Get out! Get out!

Get out of the fucking car, you fuckin' piece of shit!

Get the fuck out! You son of a bitch, get the fuck out!

What's going on?

Fuck off! Piss off, you cunt, or I'll fuckin' smash ya! Fuck off!

Off!

Now, listen, get me my fuckin' money.

In fuckin' half an hour, you get me my fuckin' money

and get back here in half an hour or I'll kill ya!

Get the fuck in the car and fuck off outta my sight, you fucking fat cunt!

Whoo! Whoo!

I don't want to go down that path, Therese.

I just think it's gonna make things a whole lot worse.

If you don't, I will.

OK.

At least then I can say I've never called the cops on them.

Well, that shut them up.

Mm-hm.