Room 104

Room 104 1x02 "Pizza Boy" August 5, 2017

Sorry about that. What do I owe you?

Uh, 22.42.

For one pizza?

By God.

Better be goddamn delicious.

Um, one second.

Come on, wallet.

I'm sorry, you could come in and shut the door.

It's freezing out there.

I'm sorry. Stupid wallet. What's your name?

- Jarod. - Jarod.

I am such a nincompoop. (CHUCKLES)

So, you probably got, like, a hundred pizzas

in the car that need delivering, right?

Uh, no, it's fine. Just, you know, need to get back when I can.

Man: Right. Come on, wallet. No!

Wallet, wallet, wallet, wallet, wallet, wallet, wallet, wallet, wallet!

Ah, two seconds.

Make yourself at home.

Um...

Got it! All right.

22-something... son of a...

- (SIGHS) - Oop.

Perfect time to run out of cash, right?

Look at me wasting your time. The prime of your youth.

Sending you on a wild goose chase for dollars that don't exist.

- It's fine. Honey.

- Is everything okay? - Yeah. Do you have any cash?

- You know I don't carry cash. - I know you don't carry cash.

Why would you carry cash when you just take

it from my wallet whenever you need it?

Um, all right, Jarod, here's the deal.

There's a cash machine down the street.

I will be back in four minutes, five tops.

It's all right, you can trust me.

I'll even leave my wife as collateral, all right?

Um, you know, you can just call a credit card in.

No, no, no, that's silly 'cause then they tax your tip

'cause you have to declare it.

Believe me, I know the drill.

- I'll be right back. - It's really not that...

- honestly, the card... - (CLEARS THROAT)

Woman: Can I get your help with something?

Sure.

In here.

Do you like this dress?

Uh, yes.

That rhymes.

- What... what rhymes? - Yes, dress.

Oh, yeah, mm-hmm.

Yeah, it does, huh? (INHALES)

Did you prefer the other one?

What?

Did you like the other dress I was wearing before

better than this one?

Which... which dress?

You know, this one.

I, uh... I don't know. (SNIFFS)

You don't know?

Because you've never seen it on me before?

Or because you were looking at my breasts when I took it off

and you didn't focus on the dress? (CHUCKLES)

- (CHUCKLES) - That rhymes, too.

- Breasts, dress. - Yes. (CHUCKLES)

Well, which is it?

What?

Okay, that's all I needed.

You can go now.

If you want.

I'm gonna try on a third dress,

but this time, no peeking.

Okay.

- I said no peeking. - I'm not!

Ho dare you look at me. Look away!

- I am! - Jarod!

That's better.

So long as you're not looking,

it's okay.

Do you want some of that pizza?

No, thanks.

We're not gonna eat it, so.

If you're... if you're not gonna eat it,

why did you order it?

- (CHUCKLES) That's a good question. - (MUSIC PLAYING ON PHONE)

It's not that I don't like pizza.

I love it.

It's just...

when all you ever have is pizza...

you get tired of it.

Makes you want something new.

Something different.

And your... your husband,

how does he feel about pizza?

I don't think Scott's been hungry in a long, long time.

In fact...

I don't think Scott would notice

if a nice piece of pizza came right up and bit him.

Must be weird delivering pizza to all these strange people.

Sometimes.

Have you ever had any strange encounters?

Not really.

Well, I have a hard time believing that.

A guy like you...

Have you ever served pizza

to, say, a woman like me before?

I... I mean, I've served pizza before.

You have?

Yeah. Yeah, of course, yeah.

How many times?

Sure, uh... (CLEARS THROAT)

A bunch. A bunch of times.

Interesting.

Experienced.

Yeah, a bunch of times.

You haven't answered my question.

What question?

Have you ever served pizza

to a woman like me before?

No, ma'am.

So, here we are.

So hungry.

Are you gonna bring me that pizza or what?

I want that pizza, Jarod.

I ordered that pizza,

and now I'm ordering you to bring me that pizza.

- (DOOR THUDS) - Whew!

- (DOOR CLOSES) - Damn, it is cold out there.

Colder than a witch's titty.

Man! But I got it.

22-something and a huge tip for Jarod!

Could you have taken any longer, Scott?

What?

Wait, Jennifer, where are you... where are you...

Jen, come back.

Don't!

- What did I say? - (BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Jeez, I went to the ATM. What...?

I mean... (SIGHS)

Women, huh?

You can't live with 'em...

Pass the Beer Nuts.

You got a girlfriend, Jarod?

Uh, no, thanks.

I... I really gotta get back to work.

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

You two sure know how to make a guy feel good about himself.

It's like I come in, two seconds, you're both running out

quicker than two shakes of a lamb's tail.

I'm... I'm sorry. It's not personal.

I just really gotta get back to work.

I'm kidding. It's fine.

It's fine.

I do kind of need the money for the pizza.

Yes, money.

22-something, plus a tip,

which should be sizable

considering we've been wasting your time lollygagging.

No, it's no problem. Don't sweat it. (SNIFFS)

Ah, a text from Jennifer.

Probably apologizing as we speak.

Great.

How big of a tip were you expecting, Jarod?

Excuse me?

Just curious what you think I should tip you.

Just whatever you think is appropriate is fine.

Well, I guess I don't... I don't know what's customary...

- 10%, 20%? - Sure, yeah, either one.

That'd... that'd be great. Thank you.

I guess it would help if I understood what services you performed

so that I can get the amount right.

I delivered the pizza.

What kind of pizza?

- (SWALLOWS) The meat lovers. - Right, meat lovers.

Right.

Did you provide any services for my wife while I was gone?

- Not really. - Really?

Nothing?

Uh... no.

'Cause it would seem to me that the pizza,

which was on the table when I left,

is now... (WHISTLES)

on the bed instead.

Huh.

I guess...

- that is... - Hey, that rhymes.

Instead, bed.

Did you deliver the meat lovers to my wife on that bed?

Sort of.

Sort of?

Jarod, I am no expert in what you do,

but it would seem to me

either you did or did not serve my wife the meat lover

on that bed.

Gosh, I have gotta get back to work.

- I got so many others to deliver. - That would not be fair.

I wanna pay you for your services,

I just need to know what they were

so that I can give you the proper tip.

- Can I just go home? - Not until I tip you.