Daytime Divas

Previously on Daytime Divas...

- We won. - Yay!

Morning Talk offered me a 20 percent bump.

We'll match it.

We never wanted Mo.

I think you got played, Maxine.

Hopefully, you will watch my new show.

Do you need a wife?

I'll have the network give you a ring.

- There it is, yeah! - When they flash, you flash.

When Oprah launched her network

we had to hide out at the Sag Harbor house.

Wait that was five years ago.

Thought you said you'd only been together for one.

My mom is lying to me about something important.

I wish I could make it better.

You stalked your colleague and his wife on air...

Shut up, he said he loved me!

That's Maxine Robinson killing her husband.

What were you and Vance talking about?

I was talking to him about Tandy.

If you touch my sister, I'll kill you.

It's so good to be back.

With my baby.

So, so, so good.

I didn't, I didn't know it could feel this good.

Cheers, baby.

Why don't you use that tongue for something other than talking?

I love daytime.

Uh! Does everyone have to go through that?

Frequent exposure to radiation causes cancer.

- Everyone but you mom. - Well, that's fair.

Besides, with this chunk of metal might make it explode!

Hah!

All hail the queen of daytime television.

Long live the queen.

Wow, Dieter! Hey, thanks so much for coming.

- Yeah! - So, friend, what's up?

All kinds of good stuff actually.

Yeah, my-my folk band just pressed an album on vinyl.

Oh, that is so cool, I can't wait to buy it.

So, what, I, uh, I need to make a purchase.

Right, yeah, um, I thought you went all clean.

Oh, totally, I still I am.

I just need Adderall for my ADD.

I'm diagnosed but my doctor he moved.

And it's been really hard for me to find a new one.

Especially being under so much scrutiny as a celebrity.

Yeah, yeah yeah, being a celebrity must be so hard.

Ugh, you have no idea.

Okay, um, yeah, I got you, for sure.

Oh, great.

- There you go. - Thank you.

- Okay. - Yeah, you're the best.

See you later.

Hey, boss lady. You got a sec?

For you? Always. Here, have a seat.

I just wanted to thank you for backing

that money truck up to my house.

Now that I'm back I just want to make sure we're cool.

You know that we're, starting off with a clean slate.

Of course. We're both DTA Award winning professionals.

- Hell yes, we are. - Okay, Mo. What do you want?

So, the network is talkin' to me about

starring in a Sitcom with Vance Gordon.

- Sitcom? Cute. - Mm-hmm.

I didn't realize you had acting aspirations.

Well, I don't. I mean, It's just a sitcom.

I just got to do what I do but, Vance Gordon is kinda bland

so of course they need Mo to bring the funny.

I love it when funny is used as a noun.

Yeah, so, you know, they caught on to the chemistry

that he and I had at the DTA

so, if I get it which you know I will.

I'm just gonna, I'mma need your blessing.

Well, that's very nice of you to ask me.

- No, I mean, legally. - Hmm.

Like, I need for you to carve it out of my contract.

You know, 'cause if you don't agree then...

...I-I won't be able to do it.

Is, um, this important to you, Mo?

Well, if it wasn't, I would not be asking.

I will give you my blessing.

I will call business affairs and uh, take care of it.

Thank you.

But I do have a few minor concessions.

Which will also be carved out of your contract.

Okay. Such as?

You are never to...

...discuss my age or my vagina...

...on air again.

If that's what it takes.

Yo! Dieter?

What the hell are you doing here?

Hey, long time. How you been?

Hey, I, uh got some of that Kush, if you're interested.

I do not need you anymore, okay?

I've got my medical card

and I most certainly don't need you in my place of work.

- How did you find me? - I'm not here for you, Mo.

I just... you know, I'm...

I'm a fan of the show.

You look great by the way.

Thank you.

Hey, business affairs just called about Mo's new contract.

You letting her go off for a sitcom?

Sure, why not. Seems like a good venue for all her talents.

They can pipe in laughter for all her yucks.

Okay, but if the show gets picked up

she'll be doing two jobs.

- Yeah, right. - Look!

First year shows, I've heard stories.

Scripts change all the time.

Crazy hours, re-shoots.

Ahh, she'll be run ragged.

She'll miss shows.

Oh!

How did it take me so long to get there?

But, be careful, mom.

It's gonna go straight to Mo's head

and she'll be an even bigger monster.

Sometimes when I feed the beast

I slip a little something extra in her kibble.

I-what does that mean?

It means I'm not scared of monsters.

No, I'm not going for the Frida Kahlo look.

Where's the water? My mouth is .

Okay, really, spotlight on fetal massage?

Another frivolous pregnancy piece.

If it bugs you that much, you should take a stand.

- You are a DTA winner. - That's right!

You gotta throw down to get anywhere with Maxine.

That's why I get whatever I want

because she's too scared to say no to me.

Yeah, I'm terrified, Mo. You got me by the balls.

Congratulations, ladies.

Winning is so humbling...

Even more humbling than all those years of losing.

Yeah, I say we celebrate all month.

Maxine as a DTA winner

I'd like to use our increased visibility to report

on issues that I really care about.

And I would like you to get the network to scrub

all the images of me and my dress from the internet.

So much drama with you and your jugs.

- Yeah, Heath, free the nipple. - My nipples are not free.

It's humiliating guys.

Well, as long as we're asking for things, I mean

could this DTA winner get like a juice bar

maybe some organic crap.

And Mo, for you?

Oh, no. I'm good. I got everything I want.

Alright, newsflash, girls.

As lovely as this award is

all it means is that our formula is working.

And that we need to do more of the same.

And that we beat those smug bitches at "Morning Talk!"

Shouldn't we be using this as a launching pad

to bigger and better things?

The "Lunch Hour" is bigger and better.

Nina, there are a lot of journalists out there

that would kill for your gig.

Print media is over.

Oh, that's arguable.

Uh! What isn't arguable with you, Nina?

Ladies, instead of whining

we should be relishing our victory.

I am, all I'm saying is that

the world is scarier than ever and we have a platform..

No, I have a platform. And you're a guest on it.

Now, we need to look past our accolades and focus on the work.

All eyes are on us. So, today should be the best show ever.

Maxine, these just came for you.

Oh, my God. That's huge.

- Who's it? Oprah? - Ooh!

Is she finally acknowledging our DTA win?

Actually it's from your dry cleaner

congratulating you and thanking you

for your continued patronage.

What's this?

- Oh! - What is it?

This is from Oprah!

The women owns her own cable channel.

Gift certificate. 50 bucks.

Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Oh!

Another meme. It's so offensive!

And not a single one of them give me props for being perky

after having two kids.

- Phone for Leon. - I can say it, Ramona.

- Then why didn't you? - Because, what's the point?

Ooh!

Hey, Mr. Network President

Oh! Mo!

You picked up.

Hey, my favorite funny lady. How are you doing?

Big day today. First day back on the show.

So, you're calling to tell me, I got the part, right?

The network loved your audition.

They loved it. We were roaring.