Baywatch

SO ANYWAY, THERE I WAS

STANDING THERE MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS,

COMPLETELY DOING NOTHING,

WHEN JENNIFER LAYS THIS BIG OLD WHOMPING KISS ON ME.

OH MY GOD. WHERE?

IN THE KITCHEN.

SO I UH

I TAKE IT YOU LIKE HER.

WELL, I USED TO LIKE HER

BUT NOW I'M NOT SURE IF I LIKE HER

OR IF I LIKE HER, LIKE HER.

HMM.

-AND THEN LANDON TELLS ME THAT HE LIKES HER, LIKES HER

AND I TOLD LANDON THAT I DON'T THINK SHE

LIKES HIM, LIKES HIM LIKE SHE LIKES ME.

-SO YOU PROBABLY LIKE HER, LIKE HER.

WELL, I'M NOT SURE.

HOW DO YOU TELL IF YOU LIKE A GIRL,

OR IF YOU LIKE HER, LIKE HER?

I'LL TELL YOU.

I FIGURE IT THIS WAY.

IF YOU LIKE A GIRL BUT YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOU

LIKE HER, LIKE HER OR YOU LIKE HER,

YOU PROBABLY JUST LIKE HER.

BECAUSE IF YOU LIKE HER LIKE HER, YOU WOULDN'T BE CONFUSED

AS TO WHETHER YOU LIKE HER, LIKE HER, OR JUST LIKE HER.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

-LOOK AT YOU SITTING DOWN THERE DAY IN AND DAY OUT

LOOKING AT THAT OLD POSTCARD LIKE AN OLD SCOLDED DOG.

LOOK, I KNOW YOU LOVE CRYSTAL AND I KNOW YOU LOVE JACKSON,

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU CAN WALK UP AND DOWN THAT BEACH

TO SUN UP TO SUNSET AND YOU STILL AIN'T GON' FIND 'EM.

-JIMMY, YOU BOOKED ME 340 DAYS THIS YEAR.

THAT'S WHY I CAN'T FIND THEM.

HEY CAB, PULL OVER HERE, WOULD YOU?

THIS IS VENICE BEACH.

WILL DO.

HEY, MEET US AT THE HOTEL.

WE'RE GONNA REHEARSE UNTIL YOU GET BACK

AND HOPEFULLY WE'LL HAVE SOME LUCK

FINDING YOU A NEW OPENING ACT!

-SO I SURE AM GLAD WE GET TO SPEND YOUR DAY OFF TOGETHER.

ME TOO, PAL.

SO WHERE SHOULD WE GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT?

HELLO?

IT'S HER.

IT'S WHO?

BRIDGETTE.

AND THERE'S NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, DAD.

I DEFINITELY LIKE HER, LIKE HER.

YOU REALLY LIKE HER, LIKE HER,

THEN I'M GONNA DUCK OUTTA SIGHT, ALL RIGHT?

-HEY COOL, THANKS! -HAVE FUN.

HEY, BRIDGETTE.

OH HEY, HOBIE.

YOU'RE A GREAT PLAYER.

YEAH I'M OKAY.

REMEMBER THE DAYS.

-UH I WAS WONDERING, YOU WANNA GO DO SOMETHING AFTERWARDS?

I'M PRETTY BUSY THESE DAYS.

HI, MISTER BUCHANNON!

HI.

YOU GIRLS ARE GOOD.

HEY, YOU ARE ONE TERRIFIC VOLLEYBALL PLAYER.

OH, THANK YOU!

THAT MEANS SO MUCH COMING FROM SOMEBODY LIKE YOU.

SO YOU GUYS MADE PLANS YET?

I'D BE HAPPY TO CHAUFFEUR YOU AROUND.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

NO, BRIDGETTE'S BUSY.

-WELL ACTUALLY I'M NOT ALL THAT BUSY.

-REALLY? WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JOIN THE TWO OF US

FOR DINNER AT OUR PLACE TONIGHT?

I'D LOVE TO.

UM, I'M SURE MY MOM CAN DROP ME OFF.

I'LL BE THERE SEVEN-ISH?

-PERFECT! -BYE, HOBIE.

BYE.

BYE, MISTER BUCHANNON.

BYE.

THAT'S GREAT, HUH? WE'LL DOUBLE DATE!

-YEAH THE ONLY ONE THAT'S GONNA BE DOUBLE DATING IS YOU.

SHE ACCEPTED YOUR INVITATION, NOT MINE.

-I'M GOING TO HIS HOUSE FOR DINNER TONIGHT.

JACKSON?

SORRY SON, I THOUGHT YOU WAS SOMEBODY ELSE.

LOOK, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BOY?

HE'S ABOUT YOUR AGE.

-SORRY, MISTER. HE'S NOT EVEN ON A MILK CARTON OR NOTHING.

THANKS.

OH MY GOD.

S-OH MY GOD, IT IS!

-EXCUSE ME, GIRLS, HAVE Y'ALL SEEN THIS LITTLE BOY?

-IT'S JESSE LEE HARRIS!

-THAT'S MY SON, AND HIS NAME IS JACKSON.

HEY, YOU'RE JESSE LEE HARRIS!

NO, I'M--

OH YES YOU ARE!

IT'S JESSE LEE HARRIS!

HELP!

I'VE GOT A BLITZ OFF TOWER 14.

MULTIPLE VICTIMS CAUGHT IN A RIP.

HELP!

HELP ME!

PLEASE! HELP ME!

HELP!

GRAB THE CAN.

IT'S OKAY, I GOT YOU!

NOW YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH I THINK SO, THANK YOU.

SADIE, NOT NOW.

-NOW WHY WERE ALL THOSE GIRLS CHASING YOU?

CJ.

SADIE, JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE.

-LOOK I DIDN'T MEAN TO CAUSE YOU SO MUCH TROUBLE.

BUT I'M BETTER NOW, SO I'LL JUST BE ON MY WAY.

AT LEAST YOU SAVED YOUR HAT.

THAT'S JESSE LEE HARRIS!

WHO?

-HE'S THE BIGGEST SINGER ON THE COUNTRY CHARTS.

JESSE, PLEASE!

-DO YOU THINK I COULD GET A RIDE

OFF THE BEACH IN YOUR TRUCK?

YEAH, YEAH!

WE HAVE TO MAKE OUT A RESCUE REPORT SO

I'LL GET YOU BACK TO HEADQUARTERS.

HEY, SADIE!

HEY, CJ, HEY IS HE STILL HERE?

-YES HE'S MAKING OUT A RESCUE REPORT

RIGHT NOW IN THE OFFICE.

NOW, SADIE, I HAVE AN UNBELIEVABLE IDEA.

IF THIS GUY IS AS BIG AS YOU SAY HE IS,

WHY DON'T WE JUST GET HIM TO COME TO

DENIM AND DIAMONDS TONIGHT TO HEAR YOU SING?

-WHY WOULD JESSE LEE HARRIS WANNA COME HEAR ME SING?

-I RESCUED HIM, I SAVED HIS LIFE.

HOW COULD HE SAY NO?

CJ.

-I'LL JUST LOOK UP AT HIM AND SAY--

CJ.

WHAT?

HE'S RIGHT BEHIND ME, ISN'T HE?

HI!

HELLO. NOW WHAT'S THIS I'M NOT

SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO SAY NO TO?

COMING TO A CONCERT.

SADIE!

THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND, SADIE,

AND SHE'S SINGING TONIGHT AT DENIM AND DIAMONDS

AND WE WOULD LOVE IT IF YOU WOULD COME.

-WOULD YOU? -I'D LOVE TO.

-YOU WOULD LOVE TO? REALLY? -YES!

OH, THIS IS SO GREAT!

THIS IS SO-- THANK YOU SO MUCH!

OH GOD, I GOTTA GO PRACTICE!

BYE! I'LL SEE YOU LATER, BYE!

THANKS, SEE YOU LATER!

THAT IS VERY VERY KIND OF YOU.

YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.

LISTEN, YOUR COLLEAGUE SAYS

THAT YOU HELP FIND LOST CHILDREN?

-YEAH, THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WE DO BEST.

-DO YOU RECKON YOU COULD HELP ME?

SURE.

STEP INTO MY OFFICE.

-CRYSTAL AND I ARGUED ABOUT JACKSON

BEING ON THE ROAD WITH ME SO MUCH.

SHE WANTED HIM TO HAVE A NORMAL LIFE, AND,

YOU KNOW, SHE REALLY WANTED TO HAVE A NORMAL LIFE, TOO.

AND I GUESS I CAN'T BLAME HER FOR THAT,

BUT WHAT I DO BLAME HER FOR, THOUGH

IS FOR TAKING JACKSON AND NOT TELLING ME WHERE THEY ARE.

-YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHERE THEY WERE

UNTIL JACKSON SENT YOU THE POSTCARD?

WHEN I GOT THIS POSTCARD,

I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE THEY WERE.

I DETOURED MY TRIP TO VEGAS.