No Small Affair

Sixteen years old and obsessed with photography.

Most kids my age are obsessed

with the urge that arrives with puberty...

which has a lot in common with photography.

They both deal with images, both are done alone,

and both require a steady hand.

I think there's room in my life for the two,

but right now photography is exerting the stronger pull.

Scott...

I do care about the band.

This is another approach

that I think they'll like better.

Like L.A. That's a better approach?

Excuse me... Excuse me.

Could you please move?

Hey, you're in my shot.

Would you please move?

Let's just forget it.

Fine.

Laura!

Don't do... Laura!

Wait a minute! Stop it!

What is the matter with you?

I hate photographing people.

People are the worst.

How's it going?

Great. How'd they come out?

Came out pretty good. That'll be...

Twenty dollars is reasonable to charge

for a session of prints.

Why he wanted a graduation photo

of his daughter is beyond me.

She only graduated from beauty school,

and in my opinion,

she could have used a few more classes.

She was not what you would call photogenic.

I don't like to extend credit, but sometimes you have to.

I wouldn't do this kind of photography at all,

except that I need $8,642.

Whoa, Mrs. Mad Max and her killer Doberman.

Morning, Cummings.

There's room... really there is.

It's fine. It's okay, Mrs. Bennett, I'm fine.

I can make it myself.

Nice dog.

No, no, I can handle it, really.

Don't worry.

Jesus Christ.

Uh-oh.

My mom must be dating a real sport this time.

I can't wait to grow up.

I'm Charles Cummings,

if you're wondering whose mother

you had your way with.

Hi. I'm, uh, I'm Ken.

I hope you're planning to marry her.

You know, it is the only decent thing to do.

What did you say to Ken when you barged in on him

in the bathroom?

I didn't barge. I knocked first.

True barging is when you enter without knocking.

What did you say?

Nothing. I gotta go to school.

If I have a guest in my home, Charles,

I don't think it's too much to ask

that you be respectful.

Yes, ma'am.

And don't think that I don't know

about you sneaking out at all hours.

Now, that is going to stop as of now.

Mom... Mom, I'm gonna be late. Oh, Charles,

I want you to come directly home after school today.

Your brother, Leonard, is driving up

to introduce us to his fiancée.

Mom. Mom, we met his fiancée.

But this is a new one.

Mom, has it ever occurred to you

that maybe he tells you he's engaged to these girls

so you'll let them sleep together

when he comes here?

Do all kids today talk back to their parents

the way you do? Oh, no.

Most of them are too stoned to speak at all.

Cummings, more coffee?

No thanks.

Last call. No thanks, Grace.

Come on, let's go, Grace, let's go.

Four-five. One point four.

I never get it right.

Oh, don't worry about it, Grace. You'll live.

Okay, one more. Go for it.

Two-eight.

Two- Oh. Ooh. Good eye.

Do you belong to the photography club?

No.

Oh, arrogant. I like that.

I don't suppose you're going to the dance next weekend.

No.

Me either.

Wanna not go together?

Um, my brother Leonard is coming in this weekend.

He'll be real crushed if we don't have

a full weekend of sibling rivalry.

Oh, come on, we could go out to the airport.

I hear they just installed

these state-of-the-art games out there.

I really don't think so. What's the matter?

You don't like aggressive women?

Well... So, uh, you ask me out.

Cummings isn't into girls, right, Cummings, huh?

Wanna go out with me? Take my picture naked.

Oh.

Hey, Mona...

What's your bra size?

Multiply the length of your dick by 10 and add your IQ.

Ask a simple question, she gives you a math problem.

Uh, Houston. This is shuttle control.

... A renegade covert mission fly here.

We are preparing to photograph.

Do we have permission on...

Uh, Columbia, you have permission to fire.

And that's a two point eight light meter reading.

Let's set our camera accordingly.

Here we go. And that one's set.

Okay, guys, I think we caught this sucker red-handed.

Oh, this is a beautiful shot, guys.

This is beautiful, this sucker. Don't ever get out of...

Oh, well, that's great. That's great.

This is gonna be on the cover of TIME here.

Oh, wait... we have liftoff.

Oh, boy.

It's not like Leonard not to call.

Mm, it's exactly like Leonard not to call.

Come on, don't worry, Joan.

The worst that happened is they...

uh, they got hung up in traffic.

And the very worst that could have happened is

that their car ran off the road,

and they're bleeding to death in a drainage ditch.

What on earth is wrong with you, Charles?

Nothing. Why?

Whatever possessed you to say such a thing?

I was just wondering along with, uh, Uncle Ken here

what could be keeping them.

I think that your interest in photography

has gone past the point of being healthy, Charles.

You're spending too much time

in that darkroom with those chemical fumes.

He's just going through a phase.

I got a call today from the principal's office.

He was caught taking pictures of flies in his French class.

Flies? That's right.

One fly.

Yeah, I mean, all boys go through this.

Probably needs to vent some of that excess energy.

Have a girl, Chuck?

No, thanks, I'm full.

Holy shit!

All right, Charles, if you cannot conduct yourself

like a civilized human being, you can go to your room.

Thanks, Mom.

Uh, you can have my dessert, Uncle Ken.

Well-

The army might not be a bad idea for a kid like that.

Oh!

I was- I was in the Army.

It's been said that life is full of surprises.

Hmm, my life is mostly predictable and pretty dull.

Until this.

You haven't seen her anywhere? You know her?

No, I don't know her, Cummings.

No, never seen her.

No, never did. Sorry.

Someone said if you stand in one spot long enough,

the whole world will pass by.

I don't know who said that, but he's an idiot.

Welcome home, Leonard.

Yeah, my little brother.

Are you still playing in the street, huh?

Hi, I'm Susan. Hi.

Where's the red carpet? Nice to meet you.

What, have you met? No.

This is the lady of my dreams.

He's got red cheeks, huh?

She's quite a gal.

Charles... come here.

Susan, here, come on, make yourself useful.

What do you think this is, a vacation?

Ma was really sick about you, you know?

Charles, don't stand there like a lump.

You got a free hand. Come on, help us.

Jesus Christ. What have you got in here, your old fiancée?

Come on, come on. Show her in. Show her in.

Susan, when you get upstairs, run us a bath.

That's a nice motor scooter. I like that motor scooter.

So, uh, how long have you two known each other?

Is there a tennis court around here?

What happened? Mom said you'd be home last night.

Susan got a throbbing case of los hornitos

and forced me to stop at a disgusting adult motel.