Good Girls

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- Previously on "Good Girls"...

- I handled the mortgage. - How'd you do that?

- This is a robbery. - No, I'm turning you in.

- Boomer, please! - It is over!

No, please!

You can't leave me here forever.

There he is.

- She's gonna cut his penis off.

- Ooh! - What are you doing?

- Texting a picture of your penis to my daughter.

- No. - If you go to the cops,

so will I. - Oh, hell no.

- I mean, it was either you or my 11-year-old.

You know? - Hostage peen.

We'll put the vroom,

vroom, vroom back in your engine.

- Do you think he's sleeping around?

- Your child bride wears very expensive underwear.

It was stupid.

- Nancy and I are suing you for custody.

- Eculizumab. It improves renal function.

It's also 10 grand a month out of pocket.

- You're short. - You're an idiot.

We're normal people.

- How many Jujubes did Jen take from Sam?

- 36. - Kenny, go inside.

But your friend's helping me.

- Maybe there's something you can help me out with.

- What's that? - You ladies got passports?

- He wants us to pick something up for him in Canada.

What?

- I thought we were done with this.

- He says it's better if we don't know.

- Mmm. Mmm-hmm.

I mean, come on.

Oh, guys, seriously? - Just say it.

- Drugs. Up our asses.

- What? - Oh, yeah.

Otherwise you gotta swallow the baggie,

which frankly seems even more uncomfortable.

You know, I'd almost rather shove--

- No, nuh-uh. That's not gonna happen.

- Oh, you'd rather just declare a kilo at customs?

- I don't wanna smuggle drugs at all.

Don't say "kilo."

- Okay, when are we supposed to do this?

- Friday. - Well, I can't Friday.

I have a home visit for my custody case.

- So you're gonna tell the man with the crying skull tattoo

that Friday doesn't work for you?

- Fine, but we have to be back in time for me to clean up

and get all the drugs out of my cavities.

- He didn't say it was drugs, you guys.

It--It could be something else, okay?

- Like what? - Guns?

- How is that better? - Can't fit up your ass.

Mama?

I had a nightmare.

- Same. - I'm sorry, bubba.

I'll come rub your back, okay? - Mmm-hmm.

- You guys, he said if we do this,

he'll forget about the money.

And we're done.

It's over.

What if we don't?

- That didn't seem like an option.

Come on, sweetie. Let's go to bed.

You ever seen "Locked Up Abroad?"

No.

Good.

- Sadie. Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie,

Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie.

- Kids need sleep to grow. - Oh, wah.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey.

So what do you think they're gonna ask

on this home visit thing? - I don't know.

- No, but like, what do they wanna know?

- Just, like, if you're a good mom.

Hmm.

So I shouldn't speak to them

in my wee little leprechaun voice, then?

Do you think that would embarrass my favorite child?

- Yeah. - Yeah, okay.

I just know your dad and Nancy are gonna be, like,

wearing slacks. - His and hers Dockers.

- Eww. Totally.

- Nancy's planning a menu. - Wait, they're serving food?

- Scones. Like, a tea or something.

- Since when are they 80 and British?

Hey, don't worry.

I'm gonna totally slay this thing.

- You better. I like it here.

- Hi--Hey, uh, what do I owe this pleasure?

- $4,000 we owe. The mortgage.

We're going to default again this month.

- Wanna tell me how you paid for it last month?

No, thank you.

So I'll pool everything together,

open all new accounts in my name,

and I'll start fresh.

- That's a great idea. - Thank you.

- I mean, it would be if it was possible.

I have good credit.

- Yeah, I mean, you haven't had a job since high school

in the DQ. So--

- Because I've been raising four children.

- Trust me, if I was the guy handing out credit,

I--I mean, I would give you all the credit in the world.

Look, I'm--I'm working on it. Like, our sales are up,

and I feel really good. If you just--

You know, if you give... Me some time...

You look so skinny.

I was.

You look happy.

I was.

Well, I gave it 20 years.

That bad, huh?

You have no idea.

- I also think we should cross the border at Windsor.

Their border patrol's super nice there.

How do you know?

- Let's just say I made a lot of "field trips"

to "Canada" in "high school." - Why am I not surprised?

- Anybody else? - No, I'm cutting back.

Now's not the time.

- So we have the passports and we have directions.

Now we just need a car.

I would say we could take mine, but it got the boot.

- How many tickets? - Six is apparently the cutoff.

Now we know.

- Well, Stan needs ours for the kids.

- I don't want a bunch of heroin in my car.

I drive my kids in that car. - Good point.

Could be residue.

- We should just borrow a car. - Or we could just steal one.

- Or we could borrow it and bring it back, Bonnie.

From who?

- "We've got Chevys. We've got Fords.

We've got Chryslers, too." - No.

- "So come on down to Boland Motors--"

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. - "And we'll put

the vroom, vroom, vroom back in your engine."

I said, "no."

Which one should we take?

- Oh, Ken doll! Barbie's home!

- Yeah, that won't attract any attention at all.

We gotta keep it low-key.

- If we were good people, we'd take a hybrid.

- Oh, but we're not. - Ooh, responsive headlights.

Dork.

- No, this is so helpful at night.

- Hey, check it out, you guys. Making it rain.

Oh, whoops.

I hit the panic. - Well, stop hitting panic!

- Oh, my God! - Turn them off!

- Push the same button! - You push the buttons, then!

- Don't-- - Oh, my God, Annie!

- Come on! - Stop it!

.

- Here are your coupons. Have a fine and frugal morning.

- Saw you put in for a personal day.

- Hey, your bites are almost gone.

- We're doing inventory tomorrow.

- I was hoping they'd get infected and eat your face off.

- So you can't have the day off.

Unless-- - Unless what?

- Tell me what you're doing tomorrow?

It's personal.

That's why it's called a personal day.

- Were you gonna hit a bank next?

I mean, what, you think you're freaking "Oceans 11?"

Well, guess what?

The all-girl version of that movie is gonna suck.

Yeah.

'Cause we all know girls aren't funny.

Oh, Mr. Petersen.

We haven't seen you around much.

- Oh, I, uh, took a bit of a camping trip.

- We love camping. - Oh, who doesn't?

Hey, you should show them the pictures from your trip.

I didn't take any.

Oh, I'm sure you did.

- Actually my hands were pretty tied up.

- Huh, what about that one that you sent to my daughter?

I'd love to see it.

- I don't wanna hold up the line.

Okay.

- Come on through. Hey, thanks again

for tomorrow, by the way. Really appreciate it.

- 'Cause I know God has a plan for me.

And if I'm being honest... - Look alive, baby.

- I'm up. - It probably does not

involve tequila. - Amen.

- Amen. Bless you, brother.

God is good. - All the time.

- Truly God is good. Is there anyone else

who wants to testify today? Anybody at all?

- Right here. I would.

Brother Stan.