The Big Bang Theory

Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

Welcome to Sheldon Cooper Presents: Fun with Flags.

Before we get started, I'd like to announce

the winner of our design your own flag competition.

But I can't.

The only entry was from GameyGamer75,

and I know that was a jpeg of your buttocks.

Now this week we have a very special episode

where we explore the flags

of the popular entertainment franchise, Star Trek.

And to help me, I'm pleased to introduce

Internet personality,

former star of Star Trek: The Next Generation,

and the only guy I know lucky enough to be immortalized

in 1/16 scale-- set phasers to "fun"...

...for my friend, Wil Wheaton.

Hi, Sheldon. Thanks for having me.

I'm happy to be here.

Cut.

What's wrong?

Sorry, Sheldon, you were brilliant as always.

Wil, that was a little wooden.

Wooden?

Don't worry, it wasn't terrible.

Just, this time, try to say it the way people sound.

And action.

My friend, Wil Wheaton.

Hi, Sheldon. Thanks for having me.

I'm excited to be here.

So, Wil, what do you have for us first?

Well, this is an exciting one.

This is the flag of the United Federation of Planets.

Now what's interesting about this flag... Cut.

What was wrong with that?

It's called "Fun with Flags."

They're not at half-mast, nobody died.

Let's try and keep it upbeat.

Um, no offense,

but I've been acting since I was a kid.

I think I can handle a Web show

without a lot of direction.

It's true.

In 1982, Wil played the voice

of Martin the mouse in The Secret of NIMH.

You moved me.

You'll have to forgive me.

This is my first time directing, I just want it to be good.

So do I.

Great. So, this time let's try

more real boy, less Pinocchio.

And action.

And cut.

You realize that I'm doing this for free, right?

Yes. And so far, we're still not getting our money's worth.

Let's try it again.

Everybody's having fun.

And action.

So, Wil...

...what do you have for us first?

Well, this is an exciting one.

This is the flag

of the United Federation of Planets.

Cut.

Problem, first-time director?

Oh, none that I could see.

I saw a man who loved flags almost as much as I do.

I got goose bumps.

He was overacting on purpose.

Really?

He reminded me of a young William Shatner.

Listen, Sheldon, I'm really happy

to do this for you, but not if she's gonna be

a huge pain in the ass the whole time.

You gonna let him speak to me like that?

Well...

you're my girlfriend

and I don't want you to be upset.

Then again, Wil Wheaton's my friend

and I don't want him to be upset.

Hmm...

This is a sticky wicket.

What do you think?

Can I speak to you for a second?

I'll be right back.

Feel free to play with yourself.

I don't care for your friend, he's being rude to me.

You need to ask him to leave.

Amy, I can't just ask Wil Wheaton to leave.

He's a minor celebrity.

Once you explain who he is, many people recognize him.

Fine. Then maybe I should go.

Could you? That would solve everything.

You are the best.

I'll see you at dinner tonight?

You sure you wouldn't rather have dinner

with your friend Wil Wheaton?

Come to think of it, I would!

You, little lady, are on fire.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

Every time we eat dinner here,

your mother refuses to let me help with the dishes.

Don't take it personally. She likes doing them by herself

so she can lick the plates with no one looking.

You ready to go?

Yeah, let me just grab a couple of fresh turtlenecks.

I don't understand why you keep your stuff here

when there's plenty of room at home.

What are you talking about?

All I have here is a few sweaters,

books, bank stuff, computers,

mail, collectibles, medicine and my electric body groomer.

Ooh, there's my plaid dickie.

Oh, got this at the Goodwill store for 50 cents.

Can you believe it?

50 cents sounds right.

Let's go.

You know, it's kinda late.

Why don't we just spend the night here?

Because we don't live here.

I know.

Do you? You said when you got back from space

you were gonna move into my apartment,

but half the time we stay here.

That's not true.

Howard, I'm doing laundry!

You want me to put anything in for you?!

There's some underwear in the hamper!

Oh, good! I got that new stain stick to try out!

Thank you! I only put it on the list two weeks ago!

Okay, I see what you're getting at.

How about this weekend

I'll box up all my things and move them to our place.

Thank you.

The lightsabers are gonna look great in the living room.

Or in the closet. We can decide later.

Howard, help!

My hand's stuck in the garbage disposal!

Let go of whatever piece of food you're holding!

Are you kidding?!

It's a perfectly good chicken leg!

Hey, look who's out after dark, like a big boy.

I was out raising heck with Mr. Wil Wheaton.

Four hours more and we would have

closed down the HomeTown Buffet.

I thought you had plans with Amy.

Yeah, I did, but then Wil called Amy a pain in the A-S-S.

She got huffy and left,

then Wil and I headed out to dinner.

That place really did remind me of my hometown.

Because there we also have a HomeTown Buffet.

Hold on. Wil and Amy had an argument?

Yes, quite the kerfuffle.

Then Amy got mad and left?

Walked right out the door.

And you...?

Enjoyed a delightful dinner at a reasonable price.

The manager recognized Wil

and let us sit right next to the frozen yogurt machine.

Right next to it!

I was closer to it than I am to you right now.

Buddy, I think Amy might be upset.

Why's that?

Because your friend was rude to her,

and then you went to dinner with him.

You're just repeating what I said.

It's like living with a lactose-intolerant parrot.

Trust me, call her.

Fine. It's a shame you didn't go to dinner with us,

because the buffet you're about to enjoy

only serves humble pie,

a dessert much less tasty than frozen yogurt.

I was this close.

What?

You'll appreciate this.

Leonard has some ridiculous notion that you're mad at me.

Tell him you're not mad at me.

Go ahead, set him straight.

I'm mad at you, Sheldon.

Hmm. Eat one of your Luna bars.

Very often when women think they're angry,

they're really just hungry.

I'm not hungry.

Your friend insulted me, and you didn't do anything.

Precisely, I didn't do anything.

Now does someone feel like checking her emotional math?

Keep going, buddy, you're doing great.

Sheldon, I'm your girlfriend,

and you should have taken my side.

That's it. End of story. Good night.

Wow, Amy's mad and Leonard was right.

What a weird day.

Hey. Sorry this took so long.

But you used to work here, you know how it is.

Kitchen slammed again?

No, I'm a terrible waitress, remember?

So, is there anything I can do

to help you with the move tomorrow?

Now that you mention it,

I was thinking tomorrow might not be great.

What's your excuse this time?