Ticket to Paradise

(grand orchestral fanfare playing)

So you're asking her tonight?

Yeah. Any advice?

Go for the grand gesture.

I used to do stuff like that all the time.

He never did anything like that.

It was totally out of character.

40,000. Do I have 45?

Actually, David's proposal was probably

the only time he ever surprised me.

We dated all four years she was in college.

I had a spot in the master's program for architecture,

so I was definitely staying in Chicago.

Then out of nowhere, I get an offer

-from a great gallery in L.A. 70,000?

-70. -70,000.

So, the night before graduation...

...and she springs it on me she's leaving.

And I'm calm. You know, happy for her.

He freaks out completely.

So, the next morning, at the ceremony,

I'm up there walking towards the dean and my diploma,

and suddenly, there's David,

right next to me, down on one knee.

And she starts crying.

I'm so embarrassed.

The whole place erupts.

Everybody's clapping and shouting.

Except her parents. They thought she was too young.

They thought I could do better.

But who ever listens to their parents?

Sold to Georgia Cotton.

Long story short, she didn't move to California,

and a month later, we were pregnant with Lily.

: That's amazing.

Wait, how long ago?

Uh, let me do the math.

March 7th, it'll be 25 years.

Incredible. 25 years of marriage.

Oh, God. We're not married.

God, no. (grunts)

We divorced five years later.

And it's not one of those amicable divorces

you see on TV.

I try not to be in the same time zone if I can help it,

but Lily's graduating tomorrow, so here I am.

Wow, that's got to be awkward.

What? No. Ancient history.

Oh, yeah.

Nightmare. (chuckles softly)

Check, please.

What are you doing?

-I'm packing. -You're packing work.

-Don't pack work. -(sighs)

Why would you pack work?

Because it's a short vacation

and a very long life afterwards.

Yeah, I've been thinking about that,

and I really don't think this whole

"being an adult" thing is gonna work out for me.

Yeah, well, I don't really have a choice.

Hey, Mom.

So I'm just steaming my outfit,

and I am wondering where I'm sitting.

Not that it matters. To me, I mean.

Just... I mean, it doesn't matter to me at all.

Then why did you...

-(phone beeps) -Oh, hang on. It's Dad.

Hey, Dad. Mom's on the other line.

Don't say hi from me. -(Lily sighs)

You're not sitting together, okay?

You're on opposite sides of the auditorium,

which is the size of Rhode Island.

That's the smallest state.

So you promise?

No mean comments, no arguing, no passive aggression?

What about aggressive aggression? Is that okay?

-(chuckling): I love you. I love you.

This is gonna be an unbearable day.

Come on.

We shake an old guy's hand and wear a dumb hat.

What could possibly go wrong?

They're sitting together.

Good afternoon.

Excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

On behalf of the faculty and staff of Pullman University...

-Big day. -Yeah.

...it is my privilege to welcome the parents,

family and friends of our graduating seniors.

You got to be kidding me.

Guess this is my seat,

as you haven't had a date since Lily was in braces.

At least when I do date, it's age-appropriate.

You just don't like him because he's French.

I like the French.

I like their fries, their toast.

I specifically asked Lily

-not to seat us together. -Their mustard.

What? You called her? That's so pathetic.

-Shh. It's starting. -Don't shush me.

-Shh. -Don't shush me.

So, without further ado, let's begin the roll call.

-Wren Butler. -(cheering)

Yes!

Wrenny!

Excuse me.

-That's my armrest. -No, it's in the middle.

Oh, this is so like you.

-Take, take, take. -It is not a metaphor.

-It is an armrest. Wilson Chang.

Give me half, please. I would like half.

Just give me half.

What is wrong with you? I just want half!

Lily Cotton. -Oh. Hey.

-Take a picture. -You take a picture.

-I'm in the moment. -Why do you need a picture?

-So I don't forget the moment. -Ah.

Love you. Love you more.

-So proud. -Prouder.

The most proud. Proudest.

Couldn't be more proud.

Bursting.

-She got my nose. Yeah. Yeah.

You're welcome, honey. Love you, Lily.

I can't believe my baby's a lawyer.

You and me both.

Can everyone please stop shouting?

-Who's shouting? -There you go again.

Some of us maybe had seven too many Jägerbombs last night.

Just one too many.

The other six were perfection.

Well, it's a long flight to Bali.

-You can sleep on the plane. -(Lily sighs)

Lily can work on the plane.

She had at least 90 hours

of exams in the last week.

Well, in the next three months,

she starts at the top law firm in Chicago.

You can't show up to a gunfight with a tan.

Okay, she needs to decompress, and you need to calm down.

You know telling someone to calm down

has literally never calmed anyone down

in the history of the universe?

-I know that. -You know that?

Inside voices, please.

I'm taking briefs.

I'm taking sunblock. I'll be fine.

You know, for once, you could back me up.

I could, but then I'd be wrong, too.

Ugh. Okay, we should go.

Oh. Do you see what you did? You blew the goodbye.

-I did that? -Uh-huh.

It wasn't just him. Bye.

-See, it wasn't just me. -I love you.

-Hey. Bye. -Bye, Dad.

DAVID and LILY: Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.

Bye, Lily's dad and mom.

'Cause my dad and mom don't even know I'm going.

I love you. Be safe.

Make good choices.

Always.

-Rarely. -(David chuckles)

And she's gone.

See you again never.

Hopefully not that soon.

("Go Where You Wanna Go" by The Mamas & the Papas plays)

This place is incredible.

I say we just move here.

I'd need more sunblock.

I say we think about it.

I say we really, seriously just...

Wait.

Where's the boat?

Oh, shit. They forgot us.

Uh, no, no, no.

It's fine.

We're good swimmers.

How far do you think that is?

A mile?

A hundred miles?

-Who can ever really tell? -Okay.

Uh, let's go. Come on.

Okay.

-Lily? -What?

If we don't make it, I love you like a sister.

Don't talk. Conserve your energy.

Okay.

You hate your sister.

Yeah. I love you like how a person

is supposed to love their sister,

like, if their sister wasn't a total bitch.

Hey! Hey!

-Hey! -Over here!

-Help us! -It's us! Hey!

-Come over here! -Over here!