Mad About You

Ah.

Oh!

Okay. I am off to the new health club,

then Chinese food, then bra shopping.

Sweet and sour soup, please, and I'm a 36-C.

And Nancy will bring Mabel back around 4:00.

Great.

I like having a nanny. Is that wrong?

No, sweetie.

Coveting your neighbor's wife is wrong.

Also, cock fighting I've always thought was wrong.

Splinky. How you doin'?

Is James home?

Uh, she's in the bedroom.

Good. Quick. Come here. Look.

Uh-oh.

Guess what's in here.

A Chevy Impala.

What?

It's obviously aspirin.

No, it's not.

Okay, well, don't say it like that,

it's an aspirin bottle.

You think I'm gonna make

a big deal about aspirin?

How do I know? What is this?

This, my friend, is Viagra.

Really? Yes!

Huh.

Isn't this amazing, Paulie?

A pill that can do what that does?

Uh-huh. I mean, in the old days,

our forebearers, when they got into trouble,

they did not have a pill. All they had

was their shame, and the wrath of their womenfolk.

This is so true. Huh.

Hey, sorry. What?

I didn't know you were having trouble.

I'm not having any trouble!

Hey, it happens.

You're not exactly a kid anymore.

Paulie, I am not having any trouble.

I am as reliable as the sunrise. Even more so.

So what are you doing with that stuff?

I was curious. Uh-huh.

I was! I was curious,

I had curiosity, I sought knowledge.

So where'd you get that stuff?

I lied to my GP.

You lied to Dr. Campbell?

Yeah. So?

My god. Aw, come on, Paulie.

Look me in the eye and tell me

you are not just a little bit curious.

Why would I be curious if I'm not having a problem?

Because you never know.

Maybe this stuff could make you run a little faster...

jump a little higher.

I run and jump just fine, thank you.

You mean to tell me there's no room for improvement,

that you get the be-all and end-all of erections?

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Neighbors.

You're a new father, Okay?

You're exhausted all the time. Your life is chaos,

a symphony of self-sacrifice

in which your body is a daily casualty.

Surely that takes some sort of toll

on your sexual prowess.

Put down the sandwich, come on.

Why do you always think you can come in here

and just make yourself a sandwich?

Give me that.

Get outta here, just go.

And take your Viagra with you

because nobody here is interested.

Viagra? Can I see it?

Yeah, sure.

Look, it's so pretty.

Can we keep it?

Of course you can.

We don't needthat.

No, but aren't you a little curious?

No, I-- Am I the only one willing to leave

erect enough alone?

We have neighbors.

Come on, let's see if it does anything. Let's play.

...Really?

Why not, it'll be fun?

Oh...kay.

Yay!

So, listen. You take it about an hour

before you're gonna have sex,

and then for four hours thereafter, your erection--

Hey! Hey, hey, hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey! Hey.

All right, all right, can we stop?

Listen, you take the Viagra now

we'll make love when I get back.

Does that work out for you?

It's outstanding. Now, I gotta tell ya,

there may be a few side effects.

Here we go. Okay, what?

Well, i-it could give you a headache.

All right.

And an upset stomach. Okay.

And it may give everything you see a bluish tinge.

Now you're just making stuff up.

No, I'm serious. A bluish tinge?

What the hell kind of side effect is that?

I'm just telling you. A bluish tinge,

plus patients apparently think they're Sergio Franchi.

Come on, it'll be fun. Don't you think it'll be fun?

I do. I think this'll be nothing but tremendous fun.

A little fun wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

Okay. Yes. Hey, no question. Here we go.

All right. I'm just gonna...

Here we go.

Oh, are you okay?

That's a big pill.

Want me to cut it up for you?

No. I'll be fine.

We could grind it into a powder.

No. Roll it up in a piece of cheese?

I'll be fine.

Okay.

Ahem!

All right. Here we go. Ready?

Yeah.

I'm kidding.

Higher, Paulie.

Lower, Ira.

Aunt Syl, how much longer is this gonna take?

My arms are spasming.

Just wait.

Oh, my god.

Ooh. What?

Ooh. Okay.

I have, uh, have to report of myself

that I notice a... a certain fullness.

What?

A certain fullness... happening.

Don't make me spell it out.

Oh.

You must love aircraft carriers.

It looks terrible so far to the left.

What a minute, you mean to tell me

that you're experiencing a fullness

even while listening to your mother's voice?

Yeah.

Hello!

Is anyone with me?

Of course. Mm-hmm.

This pill is something special.

Oh, excuse me--

Do you know where the showers are?

I'm sorry, I--

Forgive me, I just-- I didn't--

Out that door. Down the stairs.

Thank you. So sorry.

Oh, god.

Oh, god, oh, god!

Hello?

Hello!

What kind of door doesn't have a...

Thing?

Hello!

Hey, pal!

You don't even turn around?

Eat more!

Oh, god, no. Hello?

Hello!

Nice to see you.