Wrecked

Previously on "Wrecked"...

Are you friends flirting?

- We're not flirting. - We're talking.

Oh, my God. You're flirting!

I've been looking everywhere for you.

I've just been hanging out with Florence.

If that boat leaves, we die here.

I got to bang one of these pirates.

What?!

I think I can get you on that boat,

but, uh, I'm gonna want to do both of you.

- Oh. - Oh, no.

- Whoo! - Aah!

The pirates... they're gonna kill us!

They're gonna harvest our organs and sell them.

- How did you guys find this out? - Never mind!

I thought The Barracuda was a good person,

but I've been sleeping with a monster!

We're all gonna die!

There it is.

My children, your Father Daddy

is filled to the brim with exuberance.

For upon us is the harvest,

and the harvest is our salvation.

It is why we have no friends, no family.

Only harvest.

What the is this?

What is this, corn silk?

Who shucked this?!

It's an abomination! You ungrateful devil!

Here I am, providing for this family,

making room in my bed for all the women,

for your sisters and your mother and your mother's sisters.

Sister Mercy, tonight after lights out, we're leaving.

How? We're supposed to be in bed after lights out.

Right. But we won't be in bed...

- because we'll be escaping. - But that's against the rules.

I ought to take your hands and your tiny little ding-dong

and stick 'em in the thresher!

Father Daddy is a monster.

Are you coming or not?

Sister Mercy, why have you stopped shucking your corn?!

I'm sorry, Father Daddy.

I don't know about you guys, I'm partial to my kidneys.

I'd like to keep them.

So, clearly, if we don't get off this island right now,

we are all gonna die.

All right, well, then what the hell should we do?

I got a plan.

We find some liquor, and we drink hard...

destroy our kidneys.

That way, they're worthless.

What are you, stupid?! That's a terrible idea!

That's your liver, not your kidneys.

Okay, we need an actual plan.

Steve, you spent some time in the pirates' camp.

Is there anything that you can think of that might be helpful?

I don't know.

I was mostly in The Barracuda's tent

just having nonstop, crazy sex.

- How? - Hell, yeah.

Come on, Steve. There's got to be something, anything.

There's a gun box near the tree line.

It always has two guards.

The boat is in the cove. There's at least one guard there.

But the key to the boat is in The Barracuda's tent.

And she's definitely gonna be inside.

But if we can take the guns and the boat simultaneously,

we'd control the island.

Control the island, control the ship.

Holy shit. Good plan, Steve.

Really?

Almost makes me forget you're a murderer.

Wow. Thank you very much.

Just... Just trying to help out.

So we'll split up, take 'em out all at once.

Who's gonna take out The Barracuda?

I'll do it.

I'll take out Father Daddy.

- What? - What?

- What? - What?

What?!

Okay, here's the plan.

I'll go for the guns. Danny, you want to be with me?

Of course, buddy. Dream Team... Danny and Owen.

Classic pairing.

- And maybe Florence? - What now?

I'm in.

All right, Jess and I will take the boat.

That's Barracuda's tent.

- No, that's the boat. - No, that's the boat.

Why the hell did you make them all beer bottles then?

Because I don't know how to make dioramas!

I'm freaking out!

Okay, what about the other pirates?

I'll put a team together.

But do I have a license to kill?

What? No, there's no license to kill.

Keeping the government out of it... that's smart.

No, I just mean don't kill anyone unless you have to.

Just, you know, conk 'em.

What if I conk someone so hard they accidentally die?

We get it, Bruce. You want to kill people.

Everybody, let's just do our best.

Let's do this! Come on!

I don't know why we need Florence with us.

You and I, man... We're the Dream Team.

Dream Team... what... what is that?

"What is that"? It's us!

I have never heard you say that before today.

Looks like it's only one guard.

Wow. Great counting, Florence.

So glad you're with us.

We just need a distraction.

I have an idea.

I'm not proud of this,

but it's gotten me out of a lot of traffic tickets.

Oh! Hey, Florence, I don't think you have to do anything.

Oh, no, no, no. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

I do it all the time.

Get ready to conk, boys,

'cause that pirate's about to be super distracted.

Gross.

Oh, my God! Where's my freaking bra?!

Where the freak is it?!

Calm down, lady. What's going on?

I can't find my bra!

Have you see it?! I just had it!

I always put it on before

- my shirts or my dresses. - Let... Let... Let's go.

I'm a feminist, but I have a lot of freakin' sheer tops!

- I can't find it! - Oh!

- Wha! - Oh, nice!

Freakin' told you that works every time.

- That works every time? - Oh, yeah.

- On who? - Everyone.

- Everyone? - Oh, yeah.

Waiters, bartenders, cops, pilots.

Guys! The gun box is locked.

The key is probably in one of these pockets.

It's a combo lock.

Oh, hi, Karen. What are you doing?

I, um... You know, I came up with the plan,

and everyone said I did a great job,

so I'm just gonna hang in the pit

and, you know, wait for it all to play out.

All right, I'll see you in a minute.

No, you're coming with me.

Uh, I can't come with you

'cause The Barracuda said she'd murder me, so it's not really...

Aah! That's my fatty neck skin!

I'll be damned.

Look who it is, Jess... our pirate.

Okay, when we start kissing him,

you give him a conk, okay?

Kiss then conk... got it.

- Wait, what? - No time to explain.

- Move out. - What do you mean?

Shit!

What's up, dude?

Well, well, well.

Look what the sex cat dragged in.

My favorite couple.

We were just talking about how freakin' rad

it's gonna be when we're all on that boat together.

Oh, you bet.

You guys ever had sex on a waterbed... on the water?

No. But we want to.

Oh, me too.

Man, I gotta get a waterbed.

You know, we were just thinking, like,

why do we have to wait till we're on the boat, you know?

You guys want me to fool around...

while I'm on the clock?

Are you trying to get me killed?!

Oh, God.

'Cause that sounds so hot.

Okay, yeah, let's do that.

Oh! Mm.

Mm.

What the

My God. Owen, how hard did you hit this guy?

I don't know. I must be pretty strong.

Ooh!

- Oh, shit! - Aah!

- Why does it sound like that? - He has no tongue!

Oh, that's so sad!

Oh, God, he's gonna go tell The Barracuda... somehow!

You guys get the gun box to the boat.

I'll meet you there.

Ow.

Ow.

Oh, that...

Oh, my God. This is sharp.

Move!

Oh!

Well, howdy, there, Barracuda.

Karen, no.

Whatever you're gonna do, just don't do it.

What the hell is this?