Hitpig!

- When your kitty's left the city.

When your moose is on the loose.

When your cow has said ciao, you need me.

My friends call me-

Wait, I don't have friends.

I call me "Hitpig."

- You see, I was raised by

the legendary pet bounty hunter, Big Bertha,

and I was her super cool sidekick.

You know, like Batman and Robin, Ben and Jerry,

Aquaman and whoever the heck Aquaman's sidekick was.

Fish? No. Doesn't matter.

We caught cats, hamsters, snakes, all that for money.

You get the idea.

She taught me everything I needed to know

about the bounty biz.

How to dress.

I mean, yeah,

she got this at an American Girl store, but..

She trained me how to be half Dr. Doolittle,

half James Bond, half Mandalorian.

And yes, I know that's three halves.

She wasn't great at math.

And she taught me how to make an omelet

without breaking any eggs, which is impossible.

So I guess it was a metaphor, but it doesn't matter.

She was a good business woman.

- This business can be very rewarding.

- Then one day a call came in, Tiny the Lizard,

a thousand bucks, which seemed high for a lizard.

- It's just an easy peasy, tiny lizard.

I'll be right back.

Here, Tiny, Tiny, Tiny.

- Turns out Tiny wasn't so tiny.

Tiny was a crocodile.

Just like that, Bertha was gone.

All right, here we go!

Mr. Secretary wants us to run a test.

Wakey, winky, stinky tubes skunk.

Call HR! My coworkers are trying to kill me!

Gotcha! Right this way.

Not this again, please!

You know the drill.

Skedaddle down the tube to the plutonium room.

Do not touch the glowy thing!

Then you come back and we test your radiation levels.

Pieces of cake. Remember, do not touch the glowy thing!

Do not touch the glowy thing?

Honey, that's my ticket outta here!

Go left!

I love that game.

- I knew I shouldn't have traded shifts

with the hamster!

Bullseye!

Do not touch the glowy thing!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

- Hey, I feel all tingly and now I'm glowing pink?

Ooh, new look. Who dis?

Bad tube skunk!

Uh, pole cat, not tube skunk!

Woo-hoo, freedom!

- Oh, hello. Oh, everything's fine, Mr. Secretary.

How's the radiation level?

Oh, fine.

What's up?

What's up? What's up?

Oh! It's big!

Freedom!

Woo-hoo, hello world! Here I come.

I got a glowing bum, full of plutonium!

What?

- Party's over, pole cat.

Hey! Hot truffles, not me!

You need therapy!

Where's your humanity, pig?

Oink.

Wow! Ex-squeeze me.

I'm not quite sure what happened there.

Whoa.

Some guys cut the cheese, but you, brother,

you destroy the cheese.

You cut the cheese, then you go find the cheese's family,

and then you cut them.

- Peter Parker gets radiation poisoning

and shoots webs out of his wrist.

Me, apparently I shoot nukes out of my-

- Hey, be careful with that thing.

Look, your cousin Porky.

Adios, cocktail fake.

Not so fast, Radiation Rump.

I had it on selfie mode.

That's nasty.

Consider yourself.. hit.

Whoa. What was that?

That was terrible. Lemme try that again.

Consider yourself hit.

Boom! Nailed it!

- The newest show in Vegas,

featuring Pickles the dancing elephant

will be out of this world,

so says the Leapin' Lord of the Leotard.

He has staged some of the worst animal acts ever.

He trained his three ton elephant Pickles

to leap into his arms, breaking every bone in his body.

After two years in the hospital, he trained Pickles

to leap into the arms of his poodle.

A far worse idea.

The Leapin' Lord squandered his family's reputation

and fortune, and they have disowned him.

Undeterred, the Leapin' Lord guarantees

no one will walk out of this show.

We saw hope Pickles will be okay.

It's showtime!

Dancers, take positions!

And now, Pickle the Elephant!

That's your cue, Poodles.

- Where's the motivational coach?

Okay, enough with the dancing.

Cast your eyes to the heavens.

The one and only me!

People of the earth,

I present to you the otherworldly

Leapin' Lord of the Leotard!

Drum roll.

Here we go!

Whoa.

Oh, blast you, Pickles!

You have one job!

Why didn't you catch me?

Nevermind.

Wait until you see what I have planned for us

opening night!

I will reach for the stars and soar to heights

never before soared!

I'll fly. I'll glide.

I'll float and swoop and flit and whoosh.

And give gravity what it's given me, contempt.

- A billion dollar dynasty flushed down a crapper

by the Leapin' Lord of the Lunatics.

- Hey, six generations of animal acts

are not ending with me!

Okay, rehearsals over! Everyone out!

- Escaped pet alert. Escaped pet alert.

Hey, Gordon Hamsy. Shall I keep saying escaped pet alert?

Gordon Hamsy. I get it.

'Cause I'm a pig that cooks.

That's the best you got, huh?

Chef Boar RD.

Sty Fieri. Wolfgang Pig. - Hilarious.

Who says computers can't be funny? Not me.

Oh wait, yeah. No, it is me.

I say computers can't be funny.

Zoo surveillance

caught an animal rights activist freeing the koala.

- Leticia. Our paths cross again.

Catch van to the land down under.

We'll check the outback, the front back,

the inside out, and the upside down.

Activate propulsion boosters.

Activated.

Weapons systems online.

Locked and loaded.

And pump up the rock 'n roll.

- Greatness is so close I can smell it, Pickles.

The eyes of too many lords and ladies

are looking down on me!

They said I didn't fit in.

That I was an untalented, tubby failure.

That I'll never leap into anything

but an all you can eat buffet table.

And while I do love a complimentary Vegas buffet,

I mean, who doesn't?

I'll show them what I'm capable of!

Mummy and Daddy dazzled audiences,

riding lions through hoops of fire.

Grandmama was blasted from a howitzer cannon

over a swimming pool filled with hungry sharks.

My dearest uncle was a bullfighter. And not with a red cape.

He fought them with his fists.

You see, to have the next great animal act is my destiny!

Ugh, elephant snot.

I lock you up because I love you so much.

I mean, I don't know what I'd do

if anything ever happened to you, Pickley-poo.

Who would catch me then?

Oh, get real, Alligator Arms.

I know you're a crocodile.

It's just a figure of speech.

Now eat your lunch.

Open it yourself.

I gave her your dog food.

You buggies missed your cue on stage,

and I know you're laughing at me behind my back.

I just can't prove it yet. No food for you!

- Hey, don't worry, guys. I'm gonna get us out of here.

You'll be free soon and I..

I can find my family.

Door ajar.

Door ajar.

Door closed.