The Office

Today is the first day of Sabre's new project:

Develop a chain of retail stores.

I am meeting my new boss, Nellie Bertram.

Head of Special Projects.

Work starts at 9:00.

Sabre HQ is 30 minutes away, driving the speed limit.

Giving everyone 20 minutes to shower,

plus 50 for Jim to style his hair,

20 for breakfast,

40 for Erin to get lost between her room and the lobby,

90 for Ryan to do his morning ecstasy.

We're already 20 minutes late.

Wake up!

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Wake up!

Ah!

Why are you sleeping that way?

Oh.

I was reading the mattress tag, and I fell asleep.

Stanley!

Wake up! You've got to wake up, the hotel's on fire!

Stanley, wake up, it's pretzel day!

Mmm!

Good morning.

Hey, wake up. Let's have some fun.

We're in Florida now.

Hey, you. I'm so glad this is happening.

I actually came to your door twice last night.

Come on in, the water's fine.

I am on the two kid sleep schedule,

so I'm up and at 'em at 4:15,

but no kids,

so I honestly didn't know what to do with myself,

and then I thought of something.

Uh--

He-e-ere's Dwi-- What the--?

- Oh, man. - What do you think happened?

Looks like Jim got mixed up with some bad apples.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

It wasn't me.

I gotta find Luwanda at the Alcohol Club.

Oh.

- Puppet. - Cool, for your kids?

Yeah. It's weird being away from them.

Never done this before.

Attention, Dunder Mifflin Group.

Proceed outside.

The vehicle is waiting. Seats have been assigned.

Shotgun goes to Ryan.

Congratulations, Ryan.

I need to make Nellie see me as a leader today.

First impressions get locked in forever.

When I first met Pam, she said something

that slightly rubbed me the wrong way.

Since then I've loved working with Pam,

and she's frankly wonderful,

but I hate her.

I'll have a bottle of the antacid.

Also, I want to get a souvenir for my son,

but his mother doesn't acknowledge my paternity.

Do you have anything for that?

Also, I want it to have a Florida feel.

- What does he like? - Power.

Okay, and this one is,

"Huh, don't see too many museums around here."

Okay, Twiggy, that's enough. Get in the car.

Hey, are you okay?

I'm fine, okay? It's just stress.

You know, 'cause I care about this project.

And frankly, the fact that none of you

are vomiting or diarrheal right now I find very alarming.

Who says none of us are diarrheal?

Are you sure it's stress? Because I did poison you.

Very funny, Jim.

Oh, no, I'm serious. I was thinking,

"For this trip I have to do something epic,

so what should that be?" And then I thought of it.

I'll poison you.

What are you gonna do?

You gonna steal my newspaper,

or put a cricket in my cereal, or something?

I'm gonna set your face on fire.

That's a good one.

Whoa, Stanley.

Did you just come back from burning down a rival nightclub?

Laugh it up, Halpert.

I'm in Florida for a month without my family.

I'm gonna enjoy this.

Want to get in? You can work the iPod.

Yes.

Ah. You're a nice guy, Jim,

but have no idea how to vacation.

Find some Kenny Loggins.

Loggins and Messina.

Did I say "Messina?"

Ahh!

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

It's so quiet.

I like it. It's so peaceful,

I've already written, like, 12 plays today.

It's so quiet, one might say, you could hear a pin...

I thought that would be cooler.

I loved it.

Hey, can you pick up the pin?

Some of us like to work in our bare feet.

Of course, I will pick up the pin.

It is right here.

Got it.

Can we see that? Did you really find it?

Yes, right here. Got it.

Dink, ow.

In the trash.

Hey, why is it so quiet?

Shouldn't the phone be ringing?

Uh-oh. Erin set the phone to voicemail.

Oh, great.

We're screwed.

There.

Oh! There we go. Pam?

Yeah?

Can you get the phone?

Well, I'm not the receptionist.

Mm, well, you used to be.

I know, but I can't cover reception.

I have a lot of work to do.

Phone's ringing.

Will one of you get the phone?

I am freaking out. I know it's for me.

Are you guys kidding me?

Stop flirting and someone get the phone!

Answer the phone.

- Andy, pick up the phone! - Get the damn phone!

You're the closest one to it.

Fine.

Hello, Dunder Mifflin.

Hello, you've reached Dunder Mifflin.

How may I be of service?

Man.

- How was the drive? - Fantastic.

Stanley drives so fast.

Life is short. "Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse."

That's one of my mottos.

I would love to hear the other mottos.

- Quick query, Halpert. - No way.

- Still queer? - Packer.

You can't put me down.

Too strong.

Yeah, Dwight and Jim tried to get me fired,

but I landed on my feet down here in Florida.

You see, this cat's got nine lives,

and a nine-inch--

Psst.

Say, "So who's leading this thing, anyway?"

So who's leading this thing, anyway?

Psst. Say, "I can't wait to meet him."

I can't wait to meet him.

Him, you say?

Don't think a woman can be a leader?

I--

You poor, simple boy.

Expected a man, did you?

Strong, powerful, huge, whopping penis?

Well, sorry to disappoint,

but my huge, whopping penis is right here,

and I'm not afraid to use it.

So stop looking at my breasts, and start looking at my penis.

I'm Nellie Bertram, president of Special Projects.

In the next few weeks we're going to throw

everything you know about business out of the window,

and do it our own way.

Are your minds blown?

So, how did this special project come about anyway?

Well, I interviewed to be the manager of your branch,

after you decided I wasn't "a good fit."

- It was-- - Ah. Mm-mmm.

It was.

I went on a shopping spree.

Very destructive, I bought 13 pianos.

Then I realized, what if Sabre had a store?

Hmm?

So I called Jo, old friend, founder of Sabre,

and I told her, and she grabbed me by the shoulders,

and she said, "Yes!"

So let's talk about this Sabre store then.

Probably gonna look stupid, right?

Like a big turd with a door on the front, right?

What do you think it should look like?

Um, it might be fun

if each store had a different theme,

like a beach one, a winter one, a jungle one.

No, not a big fan of the winter aesthetic.

Well, that was just one idea. It doesn't have to be winter.

Oh, no, it does.

It does, it has to be winter,

and I reject it.

So I drew up a design concept.

Probably gonna be rubbish, right?

Would you like to look at it?

- Just so you could laugh at it. - Yeah.

Let me just get the projector working.

You got to stop with the antacids.