The Simpsons

The Simpsons S19E12 - Love, Springfieldian Style -

L is for the way you look at me

O is for the only one I see

V is very, very extraordinary

Sweet on you

Release the hounds

E is even more than anyone that you adore

I can't wait to see my Valentine's Day surprise.

Good, 'cause I'm parking at it right now.

A carnival?

What's so romantic about this?

- Bye! - See you later!

For the next two hours, we'll be kid-free.

It'll be just like the time we lost them at the mall.

That was the best Christmas ever.

Ah, the Tunnel of Love.

Nothing gets a woman in your arms faster

than scary robots and simulated privacy.

Marge! Look over there!

Mom and Dad are in there.

Want to ruin their fun?

Bart, no, it's Valentine's Day.

Okay...

but if Dad kisses Mom too much,

a stork will lay an angel egg in her tummy,

and the next thing you know,

we find a baby brother in the cabbage patch!

Here's a thumbnail sketch:

In the first place, you...

Do whatever you want.

I'm getting a candy apple.

Due to a classic Jell-O prank,

this ride has been disabled.

Please remain in your boats.

You will be charged for the extra time.

This is a terrible Valentine's Day.

What if I told you some of the greatest

love stories of all time?

"Romeo and Juliet"?

"Arthur and Guinevere"?

Brangelina?

Even better, a tale of...

One moment.

A tale of two young outlaws in love.

They were the Bonnie and Clyde of their day.

Their names were Bonnie and Clyde.

Miss Bonnie,

might I escort you to the picture show?

I swear I won't misbehave.

Then no, thank you.

This is Texas,

future home of Akeem Olajuwon!

And I've got dreams as big as he will be.

I want action!

Action, eh?

Clyde Barrow,

local bad boy.

Bonnie Parker.

Say, if you're so bad,

you could go stick up that feed store over yonder.

Hmm.

Unless...

you're chicken.

No one calls me "chicken" without

goading me into doing something stupid!

Ya idjit!

You could've had anything you want for free!

You're a co-owner!

I'll see you at Thanksgiving!

Oats!

Texas caviar!

Good times.

Finally. Some excitement.

Wow, I guess violence is her only turn-on.

Well, there might be others,

but I'm too lazy to figure out what they are.

So violence it is!

Oh, there's somethin' this kissin' is missin'.

Oh, Clyde, you know just what a girl likes.

Why are you shooting at us?

We cooperated fully!

It's a sex thing!

Say no more!

Hey, can I give you folks a lift?

Yes, to a series of banks, up and down the state.

Banks?

Well, deposit yourselves in a seat

because you've earned my interest!

Dateline: Texas.

A nation, crippled by unemployment and bored by Seabiscuit,

embraces two unlikely folk heroes.

Bonnie and Clyde souvenirs are flying off the shelves,

and the Dust Bowl duo has inspired their own radio show.

Uh, Bonnie, where did you put the money we stole?

I filed it under "G."

Under "G"?

Why would you file it under "G"?

Because gee, it's swell to have all that money.

I see.

Their notoriety has reached the highest levels of government

To deal with the menace of Bonnie and Clyde,

I am recalling all our air defense forces from Pearl Harbor.

Somebody please remind me to move them back.

I would be honored to perform that duty.

They're outlaws?!

I've been played like a pair of spoons!

Well, who am I to judge?

It's the Depression, money's tight...

Anyone who sees this unmarried couple should...

Unmarried?!

That's it. I'm turning them in.

Hey, keep it down, will ya?

The part where all my men get killed is coming up.

Listen, Sheriff, I can help you take down Bonnie and Clyde.

After the racially insensitive cartoon.

One taco coming up.

Even I'm offended by this,

and I'm a fat Southern sheriff.

Um...

the battery seems to be dead.

I'll get some help by hiding in that bush.

Come on, shoot! Shoot!

Oh! Not me!

Bonnie, I love you.

Will you marry me?

I don't know.

I guess I'm just looking for a little more excitement.

Okay, but if you change your mind, you know where I'm at.

Mm, I think we should see other people.

Say, Officer,

I like how you handle that gun.

Thanks.

I like the way you take a bullet.

Hey, back off! She's my girl!

Damn, just my luck!

Cool. Now we're shooting the birds

that are pecking at the bodies.

So that's the end of the story, huh?

You'd think so, but...

We want to hear a story.

A story suitable for children.

All right.

This is a story of two dogs with a love so strong,

no hose could separate them.

I call it Shady and the Vamp.

She's so beautiful.

Imagine what she looks like with her collar off.

A mutt like you could never get a fancy dame like that.

Even her fleas have more class than you.

Lady Bitington, will you be summering in the hindquarters again this year?

Oh, no!

Chompy and I have taken a cottage in West Leg.

It's where all the fleas are fleeing.

Watch and learn.

You know, heaven must have left its doggie door open

because you are one...

Oh, you poor thing!

Is there anything I can do?

You can have dinner with me.

All right.

But keep your nose where I can see it.

Can you bring a friend for me?

I like those chicks with them head cones

when they start talking, you can drop below the horizon.

Oh, Shady, you on a date, huh?

How's it-a goin'?

You say it's goin' kinda-a rough?

That is precisely what I'm saying.

Sit down. Sit down.

I bring-a you a nice-a bowl of Chianti.

Let go! Let go!

No. You let go of the spaghetti!

You're pretty feisty for an upper-class bitch.

Oh, I like that you use the technical termfor a female dog.

Run, run!

The health inspector man, he's-a here!

Why didn't I listen to Mama?

"Serve-a food to humans!"

I have to admit, that was exciting.

And I am in heat.

That's the safe time, right?

Oh, the safest.

That was the most...

wonderful night of my life.

That's odd.

I'm never sickin the morning.

What could it be?

Oh, uh...

Is that a foxhunt I hear?

Shady!