American Dad!

It's the grand opening of Langley's first ever Grand Grocer,

and the stars are out.

That's right, Greg.

All the city's top elite are in attendance.

Quiet, Trish. Mayor Garfield's about to speak.

I inaugurate unto this town

a most glorious mercantile that I understand is to be...

Racially integrated?

Let's just cut the blasted ribbon already

and let in the kind of despicable work-shy lunkheads

who attend a grocery store opening.

- Grocery store! Grocery store! - Whoa! Yeah! Yeah!

Ah!

This place has everything.

It's so smart.

People come to get fish.

They see the beautiful fish, right?

They're smelling the big fish smells,

listening to the high-powered sink

washing bloody scales off the thick forearms of the fish-chopping men.

What are they gonna be? Hungry, right?

I already wanted fish later,

but now I'm hungry for fish now.

A sushi bar?

Right here? Boom.

It's so smart.

But what if you drop a top-quality piece of yellowtail,

dripping in wasabi-thickened soy sauce,

right on your new "Life is Good" T-shirt?

- Oh, no. - Boom.

Dry cleaner right there.

It's just so smart.

Hold up. I gotta nab a real quick prescription

at this convenient as hell pharmacy. Boom.

A climbing wall?

Lure a bunch of lean climbers in,

let them grip around till they're half mad with hunger,

then turn them loose in a grocery store?

It's smart, Francine, like you've been saying.

I see you're taking Liflafluvia.

Let me go over some of the side...

I've taken Liflafluvia before.

I get all the side effects, every last one.

Leg bloat, numb fingers, ear closure, memory loss,

phantom tail, and last but not least, memory loss.

Sounds like it's hard on your body.

- What do you take it for? - I forget.

Wha...

No way.

What are you doing here?

- I came to check it out. - Us too. Insane.

When are the three of us ever together?

We should get a drink.

Aw, too bad we're in a normal grocery store.

As if!

To the Grand Grocer.

What was once a Korean War memorial

is now finally something we can use.

Can I say how nice it's been,

coming here every day this month with you guys?

Klaus has been all over me about my drinking,

and these mid-morning drinks are really helping me relax.

It's certainly enriched my life.

Just staring at the bank over there

has me this close to opening my first checking account.

It's an odd duck, the grocery store bank.

It's a real bank. Vault, guard, everything but...

Something always made me think it'll be easier to...

Never mind. Must be the third Midori Sour before 11:00 a.m. talking.

Easier to rob?

Sure, I've thought that too.

- You have? - Yeah, I see it.

All the distraction of a grocery store

gives the robber good cover.

Totally agree. Also, I'm hammered. I need food.

These olive bar olives are mixing nicely in my stomach

with the martini olives.

How would someone rob the bank,

if they were gonna do it?

You know, for banks, protocol during a robbery is not to risk human life.

Guards only shoot if they see a weapon.

Huh. So the worst thing to bring to a robbery...

Is a gun.

Give me all the money or I shoot.

- You got a gun? - You bet.

- Let me see it. - Check it.

Just terrible. Awful.

You know what isn't awful, though?

The Marcona almonds they're putting out at this olive station.

Holy shit.

Okay. So guns wouldn't work.

The real issue is how to do a robbery

without being identified.

Well, if there's one thing I know, it's disguises.

Hey, sweets. Long day. Am I right?

I'm the new armored truck driver.

We've never met. I'm here to pick up the cash. I'm new.

Sure. What's the 10-digit code?

No prob, beautiful.

That 10-digit code is I got a gun. Here it is.

Just awful.

That bloodthirsty guard is a big problem.

Wait. Where is he?

It's 12:15.

That's when they put out the rotisserie chickens.

And he gets one every day.

He gets one every day.

And that's when we'd rob the...

Wait. What am I saying?

I'm a lawman.

To this day, I'm hot under the collar about Al Capone's antics.

You gotta relax, Stan.

No one's robbing anything.

It's just a simple thought experiment.

Yeah. And here's a thought.

What if you got someone else to rob the bank for you?

What if you got... hear me out...

...a cake to rob the bank?

They take a lot of orders over the phone,

and never seem to give much thought

to what people want written on them.

Twenty-four-inch sheet cake.

The message?

"Sorry, Glen.

You are not the father."

You want that delivered, darling?

They deliver, huh?

The message?

"You're being robbed. Give me all your money."

You want cursive or print?

My cursive ain't great.

Time for big baby to get his chicky.

Cake delivery.

Hey, burglars.

Where do I put the money?

Smoosh it in the cake?

Seems stupid.

We're not stupid.

I think I know where the money should go.

Peep this.

Janitorial to kombucha bar.

Then you can call in,

access the PA without even being in the store.

But you need the dial-in code.

It's one, four, three.

I saw it.

Oh, wow.

So, it could go like this.

"This is a robbery.

"Put the money in your waste basket,

then lock yourself in the vault."

Wait a second.

That's 68 letters.

You're gonna need a bigger cake.

Waste basket full at bank counter.

Janitorial to bank counter, please.

Then we grab the money from that dumpster

and walk out through the loading dock.

No. There's cameras outside.

- Excuse me. - Go around me.

No cameras here.

What if we hid the cash in a bag of flour,

then put it in that reshelving area?

Then it'd go back on the shelves,

and using a burner phone...

Ooh, burner phone.

...we order an InstoShopper to pick it up

and they deliver the money right to us.

We'll have to be in the bathroom

to put the money in the flour.

But the only people doing things on camera

would be the baker,

the janitor, the reshelver

and the InstoShopper.

And after the InstoShopper delivered the cash,

we could change his tip to zero.

Double heist.

Did we think of everything?

Maybe.

Look, they're not responding to emails or phone calls

for what seems like years.

I think we have to face the very real possibility

that Mah Mah and Bah Bah have died.

Oh, no. Dye packs.

The teller's put dye packs in with the money.

Where'd they go?

Bah Bah...

The dye packs are activated

by a battery-powered transmitter.

If the money gets too far from the bank,

it explodes.

Try to tamper with the dye pack,

it explodes.

How long does the battery last?

Top of my head?

504 hours. Three weeks.

So if the money doesn't move, the dye pack won't explode?

What if the dye packs weren't a problem?

What if they were the solution?

Listen.